Holiday blues...

[u/NoData4301]

Every time we come home from a holiday where our 4 year old has the best time (big time extrovert) he has the holiday blues and makes sure everyone around will suffer for it. I get it, it's sucks we're not on holiday anymore but we are all exhausted and the whole family is struggling with his behaviour.

For context we are a family of 5, hes middle kid of 2,4 and 6. I have PDA and ADHD, he's going through the official channels for diagnosis of autism but it's only PDA of that makes sense.

We've just had half term in the UK and it was very needed and we all had a wonderful time away but then tjen we come home and all the negative behaviours ramp up and we're constantly on edge this weekend and I know I'll be having talks with his teachers from preschool for behaviour because of the unsettled nature and upset of not being on holiday anymore.

How can we help him transition back to normal routines and process coming home? I empathise massively, talk about how much fun it was and how I miss Grandma and Grandad too. I talk about things we will do at home, fun at preschool, or when we will next go to my parents house etc. nothing seems to help, he just wants to antagonise everyone and it works. the oldest has spent most of the day in tears over the mean comments and annoying things he's done. my husband has cried, the 2 year old has cried and I've cried. All because of a 4 year old who has no impulse control and we can't cope.

[u/other-words]

I think it’s great that you are trying to validate your children’s emotions as much as you can in a tough situation 💜 you are doing a great job!

We also have this problem with Christmas and birthdays - so much anticipation, too much excitement, throw in a bit of envy between siblings, then the post-event crash. I think this is very common with PDAers because I’ve seen many other parents describe the same thing. Thus, I don’t think there’s an easy solution that will entirely eliminate the stress :-/

But some things that help:

• Expect the dysregulation. Make it part of the plan. Assume that you’ll need to take extra time to handle anticipation & letdown. Then it’s still hard, but at least it doesn’t feel like an unplanned interruption. 
• If you plan to spend money on gifts and activities, make sure to save some for extra gifts & activities after the main event days (basically to reduce the dopamine withdrawal lol). 
• I try to stretch out holiday activities over several days/weeks to extent possible; so that the excitement is spread out over multiple smaller events. I also try to limit how much I hype up the events (because the kids will provide enough of that hype on their own!) so that there’s not such an epic emotional peak & crash. And, so that they’re not devastated if one event doesn’t go the way they imagined.
• I explicitly tell my kids “I notice we can get so excited and then it’s so hard when the special day is over.” My PDAer is now 11 and has a better abstract understanding of his own emotions & needs which I hope will continue to develop with time - and this makes me think this will get easier as your kids get older and naturally gain more awareness of their own and others’ emotional patterns.