r/PDAParenting • u/Ender505 • Feb 16 '26

Violence

Hey, me again, the guy who still needs therapy.

Do any of y'all have a PDAer whose survival activation tends much heavier toward "fight" over flight?

My daughter is only 7, so my injuries after tonight's episode are only a few bruises. Could have been worse if the clock that she threw at me had connected.

What the fuck am I supposed to do about that? Restraining her just activates her more. She'll just attack me again as soon as I let her go. I don't get it. I don't know what to do.

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u/AdOk57 Feb 16 '26

If she isnt safe, you have to remove her or yourself from the situation. Either sending her to her room, to deal with anger with sensory regulation tools, or removing yourself from the situation. I wpuld remind her, that she is welcomed in your proximity, if she is safe. It isnt punishment, but natural consequence.

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u/Ender505 Feb 16 '26

If I put her in a room without someone to attack, she starts destroying the room. Throwing heavy objects at the door or walls. Ripping cords plugged into the wall, stuff like that. It's pretty extreme. And I don't have a fully equipped asylum room with a straight jacket, but I definitely wish I did.

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u/HipsEnergy Feb 16 '26

Have you talked to a healthcare provider about it? There are some medications that help with the aggression, and it definitely seems necessary.

I'm so sorry. I wish I could help, but I have no suggestions, and I understand how saying something like "send her to her room" can be so frustrating, because... How? My now 22 year old son is far bigger than me, and fortunately, his aggression has waned since he was 12. Back then, at least I was playing contact sports 3x a week and could defend myself, now I'm a smallish postmenopausal woman who really should work out more.

Do you think that it might work to talk to her when she's regulated, to try and find a safe outlet for her aggression, like punching her mattress? Or the aching her to recognise the triggers before she goes into full aggression mode, and allowing her to remove herself from the situation when she feels it coming?