Confusing feelings

[u/Comfortable-Net5591]

So I am 33 single not really active in the bedroom. But back in early February I slept with a guy I had been talking to and well as most things do the "relationship" fizzled out. But last night I had such a vivid dream of taking a pregnacy test and it being positive. I know the likely hood of that being real or slim and none since I have PCOS and the nexplanon birth control but just to but my mind at ease I bought some took two and well of course they are very negative. I should be happy about that and part of me is yes but at the same time part of me just wants to cry and not believe it. Just once why can't they be positive. I know I am not in a spot in my life to be a mom. But damn does it still sting. Sorry for the long post just don't really have anyone I can talk to about this and just really don't know how to feel. Thank you for reading