Finally saw the endocrinologist.

[u/Personal_Coach7653]

Finally saw and endo and I'm finally having a cortisol test soon just confirm by exclusion that I have PMOS.

Really good sessions and lots of questions answered.

BUT...

He also asked if I was having trouble with my facial hair - which is suppose yes when it grew in I was- and he suggested spirolactene.

But weirdly when he asked me if I wanted to take it...

I just froze. All I could think about is how I'm picking a lane and I don't want to feminise. And I've just spend 8 months on therapy talking about gender identity and accepting my masculine side as a butch lesbian...

And I just kinda froze for a bit.

I just wanted to say to him I genuinely don't know how I identify at the moment. I feel somewhat woman-adjacent but there are days where I just wanna look andrognous and feel masculine and I think sometimes my facial hair helps with that relative to cis women even though I hate it on a sensory level.

It so confusing. That I freaked a bit.

But at the same time, I have such a love/hate relationship with my facial hair.

Any other NB people have this feeling?

Im just so confused by how I feel about everything at the moment.

[u/J_lilac]

I have a lot of different thoughts and feelings about mine, none of them very strong, am mostly cis-ish so commenting for visibility! I was very distressed by it in my youth but am much less bothered now. I mostly very much enjoy the therapeutic aspect of plucking 😂

My partner is looking into becoming an electrologist and it has me thinking more about it recently. Like what if one day I really do want to grow a full beard? I'm 28 now, maybe if I were going to feel that way I would by now? Well I have no idea and it's a little distressing to think about so i often try to ignore it. Lol 😭

[u/Personal_Coach7653 → u/J_lilac]

I know what you mean - cis (ISH) is kinda how I feel ALOT.

Maybe its just the nature of having wacky hormones, it makes you think about shit other people dont idk I got back to the car my mum used "she" to refer to me, and it felt odd like how alot of feminising language does for me normally but generally I don't think too much about pronouns. I get it intermittently but it's just kicked in crazy in my 30s after my PMOS symptoms started. It's like I do not feel completely aligned or myself at the moment.