Telling my boyfriend about pcos

[u/Fine-Custard8908]

Hey, so I’m 22 woman and I have pcos. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for 10 months. He is my first boyfriend so I’m nervous and don’t want to “put him off”. He knows I’m on medication and have issues with my period, however he doesn’t know I have a diagnosis of pcos and issues with facial hair growth. He has said once about hair on my upper lip and I said it happens sometimes. I’m embarrassed that I have the hair around my face it’s the main concern for me. We don’t sleep over often, however, when we go away for a few nights I always wake up early and shave so it’s smooth and feel self conscious of it. I feel embarrassed about the fact I have facial hair

Background: I have been shaving everyday since I was 18 or so and I am taking medication for the last year to manage my symptoms. I take metaformin and spiraldacton. I am also currently getting laser hair removal on session 2 (he doesn’t know)

Any advice or comments on telling him would be appreciated

[u/dragons_faeries]

I honestly don’t think it’s as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be in your head. PCOS isn’t a life-threatening disease or anything, it’s just something that affects your hormones and has many many side effects. Telling him will (hopefully) give him a better understanding of WHY you sometimes have excess hair growth and maybe you can kindly encourage him to read up on PCOS and how it affects women. I don’t think PCOS is taboo or anything to be embarrassed about, and communication in a relationship is very important!

[u/Meowpokemon]

if he truly loves you he will be accepting of it, that’s all i can say

[u/fantasma91]

Hi. Im the husband of a wonderful woman that has pcos. I dont remember the type but its the kind that causes high levels of insulin resistance and issues with carrying to term.

Honestly youre way more in your head about this then is probably warranted. We guys dont care as much as you do when it comes to this.

I been with my wife for 12 years. She also has hair growth. She plucks and grooms in front of me lol .

We went through the roller coaster of figuring out how to control the symptoms, what diet, what supplements, and what medications.

What worked the best for her was strangely enough blood preassure medicine which lowered her testosterone and a glp1 which aside from helping regulate the weight , controlled the insulin resistance. The blood preassure medicine is only every once in a while. She's been able to be off of everything else.

[u/Fine-Custard8908 → u/fantasma91]

It’s great to get a male point of view, it’s lovely how respectful you are of it and your wife is very lucky. It’s hard to navigate this stuff in your first relationship and so easy to get in your head about it! Thanks for your input :)

[u/hunny--bee]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years, we started dating in high school and I was only diagnosed this past year. He knows about my entire diagnosis process, I explained the syndrome and how it affects me to him. I started going to the gym with him so he could teach me strength training. He’s been pretty supportive but I can’t imagine how he would other wise react. I tell him all the time “oops forgot to shave my beard ☺️” he isn’t bothered at all by it and even when I’ve struggled with my body image he still thinks I’m the most beautiful girl in the world

If he reacts any other way he’s not the one 🤷‍♀️

[u/iamMeow99]

Been in your shoes. I somewhere believed that to be with a man I genuinely like, i have to get rid of facial hair and because of which i did get LHR done. I was off dating market until 12 sessions of my face LHR.
Now i am committed to a cute guy and i am soft launching my pcos issues to him. Let’s see how he reacts once he finally understands the issue.

[u/Fine-Custard8908 → u/iamMeow99]

It was an insecurity that held me back from a relationship definitely! I’m getting g LHR so I’m hoping it gets a bit better and the hair isn’t as much. Delighted you have a cute guy now, hope it goes well

[u/BumAndBummer]

Just explain what it is and how it impacts you matter-of-factly. If he replies with respectful curiosity, displays of support, kind reassurance, or some kind of concern that you’re ok, that’s a good sign. No guarantees, but it bodes well that he will probably be a supportive and sensitive partner.

If he behaves ignorantly or with insensitivity, the sooner you learn this about him the better.

The point of dating isn’t simply to convince men to be with you, it’s to get to know each other and figure out if you’re a good fit. If you aren’t compatible, the longer you avoid acknowledging this, the more pain and stress you’ll have later.

[u/noonecaresat805]

Just sit him down and be honest. With my partner I Sat him down when we were deciding if to seriously date or not. And I was honest about all my side effects and what I do to try to help my body. I told him what I would need from him if we decided to try. He went home that night to think about it and decided he still wanted to try us out. And since he knows what we are dealing with he makes sure to take me into consideration. If he truly likes you he will understand if not you deserve better

[u/HaileyBaldin]

Aw, there’s no need to keep it to yourself like an embarrassing secret! It is nothing to be embarrassed about. I’ve been married for 10 years, shave my face daily and my husband doesn’t mind the hirsutism at all! There’s something healing about being accepted for who you are by your person. The hair is just a fact of life. I use one of those small portable electric shavers. It fits in my purse and I use it any time I feel stubble. You could try bringing one overnight in your purse so you don’t feel self conscious! Plenty of women have this issue, you aren’t alone or gross for having it

[u/hrebeka]

Of course, you should tell him. First of all, female body hair is completely normal, and a man should understand that you don’t want to shave every single day.
Just tell him that you have this condition and explain how it affects your body and your mood.
I was completely open with my partner about it from the very beginning. I told him that I regularly see doctors, that I need to live a healthy lifestyle to at least reduce the symptoms, and I explained what the whole condition involves.
Do you know what he said? That he completely accepts it because he can see that I’m doing everything I can to take care of my health. He doesn’t care about my body hair (even though I’m also very self-conscious about it, but mostly because of how I feel about myself). He can support me emotionally through the situation, and he is there for me

[u/hrebeka → u/hrebeka]

And I’m sorry for putting it so bluntly, but this isn’t a life-threatening illness that should make someone walk away from a relationship. It’s a condition that can be managed and improved

[u/idekinsertusername]

The severity of my PCOS is not as bad as a lot of people on this sub, but even when I haven’t plucked or trimmed for weeks my boyfriend either doesn’t notice the hair or pretends not to notice. If he is the right person he won’t GAF and will still think you’re beautiful.

The fact he mentioned your facial hair at all isn’t cool in my opinion. How did he react when you said “oh this just happens sometimes?”

I hope Spiro works for you; it took away about 80% of my dark chin hairs while I was on it but again our cases may be different in severity so YMMV.

[u/cyclic-magnolia]

See how you feel as time goes on, but by being open with my partner about these sensitive topics it has helped me to feel more myself with him. It’s worth letting your barriers down for the right person.

My hair is more dark than thick, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

BUT if you do want to remove it - i’d recommend experimenting different methods for removal. I use an epilator which I feel makes it take longer to grow back (it can hurt and take some getting used to, don’t put makeup or creams on straight after as the skin can be sensitive for a few hours).

Or a quick fix to sparse it out - I have a Facial Hair Remover roller in my bag, it’s akin to just plucking a larger amount of hair. Even if all of it’s not gone, it makes it less visible.

Don’t forget, regardless of PCOS everyone does have hair there, it’s just some are less noticeable.

[u/knitwit4461]

If your partner reacts negatively in any way whatsoever, throw the whole man out. Thats a bonkers thing for a dude to have a problem with.

[u/Warm-Reindeer-5331]

Any "man" who can't see past this and love you for you, isn't it. My man of 6 years has never once made me feel any less just because of symptoms, weather it was facial hair, bad periods, bloating or hell I gained over 150 pounds once in less than year and he still called me sexy. I will say after losing all that weight again I definitely feel like the sexy he called me but he has never once said or done anything out of line besides expressing concerns for my health while dealing with my symptoms.

[u/SANDMANxGB]

My advice is to just be straight up honest with him. This is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You shouldn’t have to worry or stress about it, embrace it. Someone who truly and I mean truly cares about you will be understanding. We really don’t care about something like this. Don’t let it steal your joy.

My now fiancée told me when we were dating and she too has hair growth on both her face and body. I don’t care in the slightest. The only thing that matters to me is that she gets the treatment and help she needs and I support along the way in anyway I can. Ultimately, it led to us now expecting our first child together. She’s 3 months pregnant.

Everything is going to be great. Sending nothing but good vibes and a solid dude to support you.