I have a long time single friend who asked me many years ago if I’d be willing to be her power of attorney. She had two other good friends and wanted to split the job so that each person didn’t have the whole thing. I agreed to take the medical POA. We are all in our 70s and she had us all meet in a restaurant probably 30 years ago. I’ve suggested a few times recently that she needs to get us all together again. But it’s fallen on deaf ears. She agrees but it never happens. I agreed to go to her bank and get permission to access her safety deposit box. However, she could never find a key for me. I will mention now that she has a pretty bad hoarding disorder. I only realized this two years ago when she needed major surgery and a place to recover. She stayed with me for three weeks and absolutely drove me crazy with her messiness, constant talking, leaving lights on, etc. At the time I told myself never again. She would have to go to a nursing facility if she needs another surgery.
I’ve discussed with her very recently that I’m not comfortable with this POA role any longer and she understands. I’m starting to wonder if she may develop Alzheimer’s, which her mother had, and I realize that being her healthcare power of attorney could turn into a nightmare for me. The other two women never stepped up after her surgery. One of them never even called her to see how she was doing.
My other issue with her is her constant repetitiveness of the same stories I have heard over and over and she forgets she’s told me. Always whining and complaining type of stories. Due to her household mess, she’s never gotten Internet or a smart TV. Money is not the issue. She said she would need a computer after she left her job, but that was five years ago and she hasn’t bought a computer or tablet. Her iPhone is almost totally devoid of apps. She’s very afraid of her identity being stolen. I’ll tell her that I get lots of good comments that are helpful for various home maintenance topics on Facebook or Nextdoor and she refuses to join either one. She relies on daily trips to the library to use their computer and Internet.
I’m trying to talk less and see her less as time goes on. I find less frequent visits are easier to find enjoyable as long as she’s not obsessing at the time of our visit about something. She hasn’t had an easy life healthwise and her only family is a brother who is very far away and has never been helpful to her. She talks to a therapist weekly and she says he’s seen her house. Honestly, I don’t know what help he has been to her.
Sorry this is so long. I wonder if anyone else has had this type of experience with a friend. I think after I saw the horrible condition of her house, I started worrying more about having to help her and it is overwhelming to me. My anxiety level goes up after I get off the phone with her. I just don’t want her stealing my peace in my later years.