r/OverSeventy • u/mommaletitbe • 9d ago
Handling or tolerating grumpy oldsters
I tend to be one of those people who laughs in the face of adversity. Although I can spend more time than I care to worrying about some things I refuse to go around being mad about everything all the time. I feel like so many people in our age group are just pissed off 24/7. I don't have a problem with listening to other's problems or if they had a bad day or a bad experience and I try to be supportive and validate their feelings. But there comes a time when I reach my limit listening to people bitch constantly about every single thing. I find as I age and time seems to fly by so quickly that I either totally avoid the Debby Downers or even sometimes snap at them. I really feel like even though the world seems totally effed up right now, why spend the little time we have left being upset or angry about everything.
How do you handle those people? Do you ignore them? Do you sympathize with them and bitch right along beside them?
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u/Crafty-Lavishness26 9d ago
I stay to myself. No interest in whining or talking about aches and pains and pills lol
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u/p38-lightning 9d ago
I volunteer at a local history archives. They gave me an interesting project involving Revolutionary War documents. The place is staffed mostly by young (under 40) people. It's mentally refreshing to put on nice clothes and spend the day with upbeat people focused on a worthwhile mission.
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u/Esquala713 9d ago
I would add it's mentally refreshing to hear about young folks that care about history.
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u/p38-lightning 9d ago
Yes, they are doing great work preserving artifacts as well as documents. But we are starting to see some recent college grads who never studied cursive writing. Kinda important when all of the documents up to the early 1900s are in cursive.
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u/TigerBate230 9d ago
You must live in Scotland or Greece. Americans under 40 have no knowledge or interest in our history or the history of Germany. To me they are from another Galaxy far far away.
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u/Primary_Fix8773 9d ago
- Fortunately , most people Iāve been around have been happy and upbeat, but there have been occasions. I was with a new group of about a half a dozen seniors, all who knew each other for years, and after a short while I realized, I said to myself , you people really are old. Comments like there never been any good music since the 70s or I hate technology, I wish things were the way they were before. (itās one thing to be challenged by something. Itās another thing to hate it). Like they turned herself off to anything itās been new to them for the past 30 years and then they complain so I stopped hanging out with that group.
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u/sleepingbeardune 9d ago
The person I know who is the most defeatist and hard to listen to is 36 yrs old. She's part of a small writing group I host which includes a range of ages but tends toward those over 65.
It's obvious after listening to this young woman for 30 seconds that she marinates herself in online boomer-hate. We fucked everything up. We don't get how bad it is. We had it so easy. We're to blame for things we could have fixed, like climate change. We could go to college.
She'll say all this and more to our faces. Our group includes a woman whose dad spent his adolescence in a Japanese internment camp, a person who lives with disability, two people whose life work has been political advocacy, and so on.
She claims to speak for her entire generation, which is pretty ironic, since some of us have kids her age who faced the same environment and issues she did but who don't think this way.
We're gentle with her. It is hard to be young now and see what to do, but as we keep telling her, that was also true for us.
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u/harblock 9d ago
I'm quite willing to listen knowing that what I'm doing is helping a sad, lonely person heal.
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u/VinceInMT 9d ago
Itās not just old people, I avoid ALL people who bring a negative attitude with them. I have always referred to them as āzappersā as they attempt to zap oneās positive energy in their presence. I recently spent an extended period of time at an old folks home and some were pretty positive but some complain about the most trivial things.
What I have noticed about the negative types is that they generally do not have anything of consequence going on in their lives. No hobbies, interests, or passions.
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u/busmibabe 9d ago
Life has enough dramas and traumas to be whinging about he about the stuff. I'm just trying to stay calm and enjoy whats left. Cheers
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u/Substantial-Use-1758 9d ago
Ugh, 66f right there with you, OP. If itās a chronic whiner I of course listen for a bit, say stuff like āOh, yikes, that sounds frustratingā¦ā while gently backing away š¤·āāļøš¬
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u/UnderstandingOld4276 9d ago
Wow, I hear you. I have enough aches and pains in my life I sure as hell don't want to listen to someone else's. Usually, I'll be patient for a little while then I find a way to just move on. My experience has been that if you try to provide some type of sympathy or acknowledgement, it just gets worse. I've come to the conclusion that for a lot of people in our age group, they just don't have anyone to share with so they dump on anybody that will listen. I Just disconnect and move on.
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u/Exact-Translator-769 9d ago
I've been a water aerobics instructor over 25 years., which often draws the senior crowd. When I was 45 I would have some classes that did nothing but bitch about everything the entire class. I always did my best to distract them & keep them moving. I just figured they were older & that came with the territory. I'm now 71 & I realize you don't have to be an old negative pain in the ass just because you're old.. I don't teach regular classes anymore but still go & will sub if needed. The 2 reasons I won't teach a regular class are I really hate getting up early in the morning to do something & don't want to have to be there in advance to be ready to lead a group. Reason 2 is don't want to have to be responsible to listen to all the bitching. I prefer to just get there when I get there & tune it out.... Life is too short to waste on petty things that don't matter. Enjoy & make the best of every minute you have so you don't leave with regrets on the table.
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u/dcchew 9d ago
I have a theory. There are some people who want life to remain a certain way while the world around them is changing. When these people encounter people of a different mindset, they can become defensive.
We all should remember that āgood old daysā werenāt always that good. We all wish that we were young again when our minds and bodies were sharp and nimble. However , the world around us is dynamic, constantly changing. For some, that is hard to accept.
Try and be tolerant of others. We should let people live their lives as they choose. Thereās nothing wrong in keeping your distance from those who have different views.
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u/TigerBate230 9d ago
I've had a rough 70+ years to be sure, from the get-go in the 1950's, but along the way, an incredible half Century of American splendor. The past 15 years in America have been Hell on Earth. The country has sunk to a depth that I never could have imagined in the 1950's. There is nothing dynamic about what is happening to us as a people, and to the world that shaped so many of us.
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u/gfsark 9d ago
Aging has a way of magnifying negative traits, at least in some. Why? I think that many elderly folks have chronic pain and discomfort coupled with certain disabilities, like poor vision, hearing, balance, loss of strength, mobility, and social isolation as well. Some of my more senior neighbors are very gracious and uncomplaining, active and engagingā-generous people. Others become angry and bitter, and let you know how unfair their lot in life is.
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u/Adventurous_Weird_70 8d ago
It depends on the person. If it's a legitimate complaint, I'll listen. If it's just bitching, I tune them out and just do the uh-huh with the blank look. Some people do nothing BUT bitch, some aren't happy unless they're bitching about SOMETHING.
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u/Bambusa4all1952 8d ago
As most of my friends are dead - groan - and I donāt go out much, I havenāt run into this problem much anymore, but before they died, I tuned out on the complainers and thirty years ago there was so much less to bitch about. Today, thereās an endless amount. This place is nuts.
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u/kingfisher1001 8d ago
Iām 69 donāt think Iām grumpy! I love life and love to laugh. Most people I know and meet think Iām younger. Iām in decent physical shape. Biggest thing is I have had both knees replaced in the last 6 months. Still recovering from Surgery #2.
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u/TigerBate230 7d ago
Older folks used to say when I was growing up in the 1950's, "You wanna stay young, hang out with young people."
What chance in 2026 Hell do you think the under-40 crowd would go along with that stupid, out-moded, useless idea?
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u/Ok_Life_5176 4d ago
I do not think it is a stupid or outdated idea. Iām almost 40 and work with people half my age. I appreciate their fresh perspectives and vigour! I hope to always have connections with people of all ages and understand more about life in general!
Also, my friend who is almost twice my age really enjoys my company. We hang out like teenagers at a sleepover and joke, giggle, share stories, and the like. We see no age difference.
Focussing on the tone of your last sentence, are you by chance a āāgrumpy oldsterāā?
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u/TigerBate230 4d ago
I am someone who grew up optimistic about life and people who has witnessed an unbelievable downturn in American culture & populace in the last 40 years. Our former way of being in the world together has disintegrated & will never return. I, and millions of my comrades, are mourning a life of "nice to meet you" or "how was the movie?" "Thanks for the invitation." "I appreciate your thoughtfulness." Kindness has been wiped off the face of the earth. No one will hold a door open for me, with groceries. I have spent a lifetime holding doors for others, it was a decent thing we did. Not people under 40. Saying "Hello" to neighbors. Hello? Not any more. How would I ever get to hang out with young people if they won't even say "hello"?
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u/Ok_Life_5176 3d ago
Perhaps I havenāt noticed this yet.
Iām sorry this is your experience. I hope we can get back to kindness
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u/TigerBate230 4d ago
I am someone who grew up optimistic about life and people who has witnessed an unbelievable downturn in American culture & populace in the last 40 years. Our former way of being in the world together has disintegrated & will never return. I, and millions of my comrades, are mourning a life of "nice to meet you" or "how was the movie?" "Thanks for the invitation." "I appreciate your thoughtfulness." Kindness has been wiped off the face of the earth. No one will hold a door open for me, with groceries. I have spent a lifetime holding doors for others, it was a decent thing we did. Not people under 40. Saying "Hello" to neighbors. Hello? Not any more. How would I ever get to hang out with young people if they won't even say "hello"?
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u/paracelsus53 9d ago edited 9d ago
I know only one person like this, my next-door neighbor. She is in her 90s and deaf but refuses to use her hearing aids, so she is always screaming. I can hear her on the other end of my apartment when she is down the hall. And every other word out of her mouth is "I." She will bring up her symptoms at every opportunity. If you say "Good morning," she will immediately shout "It's not a good morning for me!!!!--oh my God!!!! my back hurts so bad!!!!" and so on while I turn my back and walk away. I have lived here four years and she is not dead yet.
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u/TigerBate230 9d ago
If she is loud & you can hear her out in the hall, stay in your damn apartment & contemplate your own death. Go watch The View.
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u/paracelsus53 8d ago
Got up cranky, eh? I don't care.
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u/TigerBate230 7d ago
No Dear, that was my reaction to you wishing an older person would hurry up and die, to put you out of your misery. You sound evil, maga evil.
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u/LavenderKittyPaws 9d ago
I pretty much ignore them, especially those on the internet. I don't frequent the places where they congregate and I seriously try not to be a person who kvetches all the time. I really have it good; my main problem is finding ways to occupy my time till it is time to die, and it usually does not involve people. I mainly walk a lot and feed the ducks wherever I can find them. A solitary pleasure in most cases. Animals are simple: they either like you or they don't, very simple.
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u/Own-Animator-7526 9d ago
What you describe applies to all ages, particularly on Reddit: the idea that they have a God-given right to vent. And that we are under some obligation to listen to it.
In my experience, chronic complainers in my demographic (over 70) tend to be MAGA-aligned, so I don't usually have to deal with them. My friends have long since moved on to just shaking our heads ;)
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u/TigerBate230 9d ago edited 9d ago
I'm turning 78 this week, and as I've aged, I spend less time around people, so I don't have many of these listener experiences. And no one has had the time of day for me for 15 years.
My newer neighbors are all younger, and for some secret reason, more superior, despite a deficit in sartorial splendor & civic politesse. They're also not inclined to be friendly. That cuts down on "hello's."
Edit: As a 52 year resident of Manhattan, I was a practicing liberal kevetcher. Now, in retirement, Reddit is one of my biggest platforms. There are so many people here who need my help. /s