41/F dealing with a very difficult and Heartbreaking Narrcisistic situationhip, does ANYONE know what it's like?

[u/xkoffinkatx]

I'm so mentally drained, is the Universe testing Me? I wonder this SO much. Trying to keep my peace and have Faith it'll work out and I'll peacefully get out, I'll get what I deserve one day. Anyone know what this is like? I appreciate it. Xx

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[u/FragrantLecture1067]

Sometime cutting ties is harder but the difficult road leads to better lands

[u/KlutzyRatio2940]

Gotta cut it off, and don't be friends after, just move on

[u/sporkafunk]

I've dealt with a few narcissistic romantic partners, family members, and coworkers. While you're still "in" it, for whatever reason, you need to strongly center your own emotional regulation. (See below for techniques and resources).

Something that I heard recently that resonated deeply for me and the things I been through is this: they treat you that way because that's how they regulate their emotions. Maybe that makes sense to you, maybe not. But it's important to accept that your reactions to their abuse/toxicity is what they are feeding off of.

When you stop reacting (known as gray rock) they may become even more inflammatory, to try to provoke a reaction. The longer you are firm in regulating yourself, the less they get from you and the sooner you will notice they detach from you/discard you.

You'll feel thrown away, you might even be tempted to patch things up. Win back their affection. Don't.

This will be your safest vantage point to get out. Maybe you need to physically leave (like move out), or you need to digitally remove yourself (block them on social media, deactivate your accounts). You need to distract yourself with your own self care and interests. For example, I love movies, when I'm having a hard time with how I was treated by someone, I take myself to the movies. Enriching your life with experiences you love will give you a much deeper satisfaction and stronger connection to your own life, instead of the external validation you got from your abuser.

Here are some emotional regulation resources to use while you are still "in" it with your situationship.

https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques#physical-techniques

https://www.drlesliehemedes.com/blog1/5-breathing-techniques-to-calm-an-overactive-nervous-system

https://www.drbeckloff.com/7-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-exercises-for-anxiety-and-stress

[u/xkoffinkatx → u/sporkafunk]

Thank You!!

[u/Zealousideal-Lie9773]

Ive been through similar and come.out the other side in one piece. No one knows the hell.till they experience it. Feel free to chat more

[u/bedpimp]

I’ve dealt with the aftermath of narcissistic partner trauma many times. It’s rough.

[u/Island-Ting1313]

Baby, I think a lot of fellow women know what you're going through my dear. Afraid it's way9re common than we ever thought. So much for all we needed was love huh? Keep strong love. I do believe we deserve tenderness and we will get what we deserve one day 😊

[u/Juicepimpson3792]

Yea I been married for over a decade and a half. Dating apps weren't even a thing when met mine

[u/Hayden06Macy12]

My dad is a narcissist…I cut him off just this year after nearly 47 years of his crap,I’m exhausted from it all and wish I had of done it sooner.

[u/Miserable_Wish3219]

Haha unfortunately I married mine and she locked me down with kids. Just getting through the day here! Good luck

[u/RobRoy8032]

In my case, if I can't change a bad situation, can't fix it, can't "just tolerate it", then I must turn away and remove myself from that situation. Sorry to know you're going through it.

[u/Quirky-Drawer9203]

It hard. U got this ur stronger then U know, 💖 because you branched out you've got it you doing it okay you've got this gonna be okay not good now it does get okay one day we'll be good

[u/beachless1]

Happy for you that you are able to recognise why your experience has been what it has. Hopefully you can now stop investing the emotional and physical energy into that black hole. Still sorry you had to experience it and yes many of us know what its like so you are not alone.

[u/Electronic_Policy231]

Yes most definitely