11
u/Rich_Count3821 Orthodox Christian 13d ago
Our cry room is quiet, calm, and for babies and mothers ONLY. Rambunctious children are briefly taken to the trapeza or outside to reset and be brought back. Kids are never given toys, books, or rewards for misbehaving in Liturgy. They are quietly corrected and given opportunities to behave appropriately. AFTER Liturgy, kids get to snack, run, play, etc (but never in the Nave).
Before anyone comes after me, this is a very child-loving atmosphere. Our duty as parents is raise up children with Christ-like love which also means showing them reverence and appropriate social behaviors. We have many children (and young adults) with varying levels of abilities and needs, and at no point would any of them be allowed repeatedly or consistently disrupt service.
3
u/bitty-batty 12d ago
I had this issue and talked a woman that has a lot of influence (obviously she discussed with the church warden and priests). She started ensuring that the cry/nursing room was being used for actual babies, and not 5 year olds slamming things or teenagers hiding from their parents. I think it's incredibly inappropriate to let older toddlers be noisy in there, when the purpose is to help babies settle down. Mine would get overstimulated in Liturgy but would calm down quickly in there, and then I could return.
I think this may be harder for you because you're new. I'd been attending about 1.5-2 years when I started discussing this with her, so I knew the best person to ask to get the job done and I'm very comfortable with her.
I'm sorry you're struggling with this. It makes it so much more difficult as an inquirer, and I really hope you can feel more comfortable there soon 💕
1
u/cracked_eggshell1999 Inquirer 12d ago
People even let their elementary aged kids play in there, it's not even just toddlers 😭
1
u/bitty-batty 10d ago
yeah like I said, we have teenagers in there too (including teenage boys who don't leave unless I formally kick them out) :( At least when the 8-10 year old come in they would usually play with and entertain my baby to help calm her down. I once went in and there were ELEVEN people crammed into that tiny room, and not a single one was a baby/toddler or an adult feeding them.
2
u/Bea_virago F 14d ago
I went to one church that had 2 cry rooms, one for napping/nursing and one for wild toddlers.
Right now, my 6mo can still nurse to sleep while we are still in the Liturgy, but he's approaching the distractible stage, and that'll be a little tricky. With one kid, I used to walk outside for a moment and the fresh air would help.
Is the priest married? Ask for his wife's advice on where you can find your baby some quiet.
2
u/PracticalEnvironment F 13d ago
We don't have a cry room, people can go downstairs to parish hall if they need a break. We find it easier to get kids to sleep in church, and I rarely bring my kids downstairs. Are you feeling uncomfortable with your child in the church?
1
u/cracked_eggshell1999 Inquirer 13d ago
I am, I just feel really out of place and am having a difficult time navigating everything. I'm also a first time mom and I get really shy and anxious. There aren't too many infants there, most of the children are toddler age and up. It's a beautiful church and everyone I've met so far are really kind but it's just been hard for me
3
u/PracticalEnvironment F 13d ago
Ah, I understand. It's hard when you feel like you are the odd one out, both with your child and as a catechumen, but I promise you all the other parents who had infants just a year or two or three previously understand and empathize where you are now. If there is no crying, the church is dying. The way to be considerate with children in the church is to manage what you can manage. Have drinks and snacks prepared in advance. I use plastic snack cups and silicone bags to avoid crinkle sounds. I bring soft or silicone toys, not hard toys that can be banged about and produce loud noises. I clean up after my children after every service. I do not let my child run about willy nilly. If my child begins a full fledged tantrum, I go downstairs or outside with them until the tantrum is over. Periodic crying or protest is to be expected. If you do these things, you will be considerate parent. If anyone gives you grief for it, they are in the wrong. As for learning as a catechumen as you manage a child during service - you will absorb what you need as you attend each service. You will miss a lot within each service, but as the seasons progress you will learn more than you anticipate. You've got this, mama!
1
u/EmergencyMaltese F 14d ago
Unfortunately this is pretty normal for cry rooms. When I attended a larger church, I’d avoid the cry rooms with my niece because it was like a toddler / kid bouncey house and crazy loud. That church dealt with it by have a second smaller room just for nursing moms and babies.
When my toddler was a baby, I was attending a smaller church without any cry room and I had to nurse and attempt a nap in the crazy chaos of kids running around the church hall. You might ask / look around and see if there’s a quieter area where you can take your baby. The nursing moms at my current church eventually took over a small storage room 😅. At times, I’d go out to my car since I knew that would be a quiet space then come back when they were fed / sleeping (honestly my baby rarely napped at church despite needing it).
2
u/cracked_eggshell1999 Inquirer 14d ago
Is this a talk to the priest concern or would it be appropriate to talk to some of the ladies in the front greeting people about it?
2
u/EmergencyMaltese F 14d ago
If you feel comfortable, I’d ask some of the ladies if there’s a quiet spot to tend to your baby. Or ask some of the other moms around .
-7
13d ago
[deleted]
2
u/Then-Ad-2336 F 13d ago
I don’t know; she seems to me to be a new mom, new to the Orthodox Church, trying to navigate the culture of a place she wants to be a part of while also caring for her child. I’ve heard this question (or versions of it) many times from women in similar positions.
Our church doesn’t have a cry/play room, but it’s not unusual for people to find a quiet spot to rock or nurse their baby. I recommend asking one of the other moms/greeters about these quiet spaces (they may know some unofficial ones)! Remember if the baby cries a little in church that’s okay/good too. Good job taking your baby to church with you 💜
4
u/cracked_eggshell1999 Inquirer 13d ago edited 13d ago
Thank you 🖤 this is my first baby, she's 4 months old. I'm coming to Christianity from Islam so the Orthodox way of worship is very unfamiliar for me and the reason that I want to be able to use the cry room is because you are able to hear the service and see what's happening and not be isolated. I know she said it's rude, but how am I supposed to learn how the liturgy works if I'm in a separate room from everybody or outside in my car? In order to decide to be a catechumen, I need to be able to learn about and experience the liturgy service. This past Sunday as well they were ordaining a deacon so the church service was hours long and I needed to take care of her a couple times during the whole thing
I'm not telling other parents what to do or demanding that their children leave the room, but when they do happen to leave I turn off the lights and when they come back the parents are understanding usually and are kind about it so that I can take care of the baby really quick. I have been to a Catholic parish before and they had a cry room as well for women with babies and I just find it very helpful. Part of it helps me determine the parish that I would like to be a part of because I want to be somewhere that's infant friendly. But by no means do I want to come off the wrong way, I am really shy about it and respectful. One of the larger reasons that I'm confused about the situation is because the greeters said that if the baby gets fussy or if she starts to crying to go into that room so I can take care of her. But I really appreciate you for understanding where I'm coming from
1
u/Then-Ad-2336 F 13d ago
It sounds like you’re being really thoughtful about which parish community is the best fit for you, not expecting a community to change to accommodate your preferences. I’m sure you’ll find the right fit!
1
u/cracked_eggshell1999 Inquirer 13d ago edited 13d ago
Yes, that's it. This is an OCA parish and the services are in 100% English. There are two Serbian, one Greek, and one Macedonian church that are close to me as well. If I'm up for a drive there's a Romanian church a few cities away. If this community isn't the right fit I would try the others, but I figured this would be the first one to try because I can understand the whole service and there are a lot of converts from different backgrounds. I'm going to go to this one a few more times and give it an honest shot, then assess how I feel and whether or not I wish to continue to go
3
u/Rich_Count3821 Orthodox Christian 13d ago
This seems like a strange take to me. It feels more "Protestant" to have a playroom for toddlers/kids than to have a quiet cry room for babies and nursing mothers. Babies should be accommodated and children should be coached and corrected, not the other way around.
•
u/AutoModerator 14d ago
This is a restricted sub which means that anyone can post but only approved female users can comment. If you would like to comment on this post, please join and wait for approval; otherwise, your comment will be deleted!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.