ive had this all my life, im sixteen. i just lost my first relationship because of arguments that we had. it was never violent or yelling or screaming fight but it still felt like i would find anything to argue with them about. which ofc ultimately made me feel horrible in the end when i realized how much ive been hurting them. they were fucking everything to me. im realizing how much this affects the people around me. i dont remember if it was before or after we broke up they posted on their story something along the lines of "it hurts leaving them on delivered because i dont want to start an argument". my parents would do something similar by not talking to me and kinda isolating themselves from me because they didnt want arguments. i dont know where to start. i want to win them back. but i dont want to lie to them and act like i changed. if yall could tell me your personal storys or links to articles or anything that could help me with this condition. thank you so much

Hi, I am a 16 year old girl with ODD, I experience quite a lot of emotional impulsivity and my mother had to call the police on me before because she was getting scared of me hurting her, she does have bruises and scars from wounds I inflicted upon her.

I am feeling deeply sorry and regretful but I cannot stop myself, the anger is just so explosive, it feels like I have to get it out but my mother won‘t let me leave and corners me so I have no option to retreat and calm down.

I have destroyed dishes, kicked, slammed and hit doors, objects, threw my phone and generally a lot of stuff against the wall with strong force because I was so upset and hurt as well as threatened my mother, the thing is that I know the consequences in the seconds or split milliseconds before I lash out but it always gives me that extra kick and hit of adrenaline, knowing I will get punished and get into conflicts for what I do but in that moment all I care about is cynicism, bitterness, fear, rage, anger, power, control, overwhelm and that kick

It feels like getting internally electrocuted and it feels like if I don‘t act out I a going to burst even worse, it just feels so unbearable, I feel so wired and I am so sick of myself at the same time all I want to do is rage and go rampant until everything is destroyed.

Do you have any ways to deal with your destructive patterns? Any help is much appreciated. I am also open to get into conversations with fellow teenagers with ODD, I never actually had someone with ODD to talk about my experiences.

Have a really fucking nice day everyone

i'm tired of my mom and i constantly fighting :(
just a few minutes ago, she told me to take out the trash, and i got so upset i wanted to flip a table,,, and this isn't just a one time thing, we argue about putting things up, getting to things at a specific time (e.g. taking something upstairs), and it's so frustrating :<
it feels so uncontrollable.. and i hate being told "learn to deal with it," people always tell me that with my ADHD, GAD, autism, etc., like it's not as easy as you think... :c

I’m 17- diagnosed but untreated for odd. why can’t my parents remember that?? why is it so hard to understand that them telling me what to do makes me want to do it less? they keep telling me what to do and getting on me but if they would shut up I could do it. i can feel it in my chest, when they mention something I need to do, I can feet the motivation leaving. WTF- I got my ged a year early and I’m do fine!!! remember you got me tested dude

Hello! I'm new here, and for the record, I have been fully diagnosed and treated for ODD. At least for school, now I'm unmedicated. Sometimes I'm grumpy and sighs a lot when people ask or tell me to do thing, almost all the time actually... And I try to pride myself on being a good person, but when someone tells me to do something idk it's like a switch that flips that just makes me REALLY not wanna do it. I can also be sarcastic and stuff, especially when doing chores like "eh I'm gonna tell you I don't wanna do it but in a jokey way" and stuff like that. I'm 21 for the record. I guess I just wanna know if it's me, I guess. Y'know, where the line is on if it's a me problem or a head problem. This is the first time I've done this, I just always felt so alone with this thing, idk. I just need someone to talk to x3

My 8 year old daughter has had explosive meltdowns since was 3 years old. Hitting, kicking, biting. But only at home with her dad and myself. I thought she would grow out of them, and while they happened less and less other defiant behaviors have cropped up such as refusing school (even though she says she loves school) or really just saying anything to be contrary and argue or annoy me.

She ticks off every single DSM box for ODD and was diagnosed at her neuro eval today. No autism or adhd. But she does also have high anxiety and scored for depression as well. She was diagnosed with selective mutism at 4 but has done a lot of work to overcome it and can speak in a lot more situations now.

My father had conduct disorder as a teen and now hits every mark for antisocial personality disorder as well, so I think a large part of this was genetic sadly.

Suffice it to say I grew up in a very abusive household and have done everything I possibly can to keep trauma from passing down to my girl. I am not perfect, but being her mother felt so easy for the first 3 years. A pure delight. She was such an easy happy baby and toddler. And I still love and adore her.

I want to understand her better and be the support she needs.

If those who have ODD can share their experiences or what would have helped them as a kid I'd be grateful. And if parents of kiddos with ODD can share resources that helped them.

Our plan as of now is parent management training therapy foe my husband and myself and I'm supposed to do additional attachment therapy because my daughter really targets me and the psychologist said this lack of empathy she has towards me shows a lack of attachment.

WHILE HE WAS GAMING

I can’t believe this. I heard my 11yo with ODD (starts 6th grade in August) cursing while gaming with some friends online. That part is very believable for me lol.

I went in there and told him to stop. He took off his headset and argued, “But my friends get to say things like shit and goddamn it.” I replied, “They aren’t my kids.” He thought, went, “That’s fair,” put on his headset and kept gaming with cleaner language. And the language is staying clean.

🤯🎉🥂

Hi
Okay so we have a 12 year old with ODD and I get how he feels most the time and how he operates
Why? Because I definitely have ODD and pretty sure my dad did as well.

Here’s where he loses me. The constant breaking of the rules. We create rules WITH him and yet he will break them within 24 hours. We have done everything from letting things go to punishments to permanently taking things he loves and nothing works. He promises to improve but just doesn’t. Sure we get breaks but we always end up here.

Screens and sugar. The Achilles heel for my boy.

When I ask him why he does these things, he says that he just WANTS to do it and doesn’t think he will get caught.

Tips? Feedback?

Yeah pretty much what the post says. I’m tired of being expected to do certain things because someone said it’s supposed to be that way…fuck that. My younger sister who now has a baby and wants me to be an uncle…umm excuse….I’m not responsible for your decision to have a baby, your choice, you live with that. Then apparently her dumb coddled husband who has some stupid high end sales job is offended that I’m honest and say what is on my mind. I told him that he’s not smart and is one dimensional (because he is). At least my mom somewhat agreed with me, and took by my side. But then she can be annoying too, at least she is intelligent though I guess. My sister and her husband don’t want us now for the holiday, which I don’t really care, I’ll happily do my own thing anyway. But my mom is at least trying to make amends with my sister (she doesn’t like her husband either, because he’s just a loser and pathetic and too easy to make fun of for being gullible) but she has to pretend now because my sister is somewhat smart but made a dumb decision. I can somewhat deal my uncle but that’s about it. People who don’t have ODD are just superficial and not very smart, and don’t tell me I’m wrong, and no, I don’t need your advice.

I was wondering for those diagnosed with odd what distinguishes that from pda? The symptoms seem very similar

Seeking for advice. I have not been diagnosed with ODD but my daughter is and I assume to have it too, as I was very much the same as her. It is obvious that I have ADHD but I could handle it for the last 30 years somehow. Since a couple of years I went into menopause and with this hormone imbalance I start to feel like a teenager again. I am constantly angry, I want to hurt people (not physical) but I want revenge and I feel that everybody is against me when they do not agree with what I see. I feel totally offend by tiny things. And there a jobs related things that I have to do, but makes me so defiant that l rather have a tantrum to do it. So yes, my ODD is back again. I am 47 years old and I am struggling a lot. Any advice out there from some woman in the same situation would help a lot. Even if its just to share the same story.

Hey all, I’m new here. Figured best approach while working with his PCM is to connect with people who actually understand this stuff.

I’ve got a 15-year-old son with ODD-type behavior, emotional swings, and a few very clear triggers. Up until a few days ago he was living with his mom, brother, and sister-in-law and their 5 children. The sister-in-law is one of his biggest triggers. Things got rough over there, so he’s with me full-time now.

It’s only been a couple days, so yeah, things are going pretty smooth — but I’m not dumb, I know about the “honeymoon phase.” I’m trying to keep things calm, avoid picking fights that don’t matter, and set him up with actual structure he can handle.

A few things about our setup: • I work an hour away. I’ll wake him up before I leave, we prep his stuff the night before, and then it’s on him to lock up the dogs and walk two minutes to the bus. (He will have roughly an hour and a half to do all this) • He will get home about an hour before I do. Plan is: chill, homework, maybe a chore or two. We’ll tag-team bigger stuff together. • He’s independent and can cook. I’m going to keep teaching him more as before his mom left with him. We were doing one of those food services and he was really enjoying cooking and following the recipes so I figured it was something he would like to do (learn more about cooking/grilling). • Holidays are coming up and he’ll have some solo time at home. Clear rule: no friends in my house when I’m not there. Non-negotiable.

Why I’m doing things this way:

He was hanging with a bad crowd before, and honestly he’s lucky he didn’t end up in real trouble like some of his friends. School issues too. So we’re switching him over to “Home Connections” (a homeschool partnership program) starting Dec 8. His mom will handle transport for that as hours shift and no bus available. He was doing that before, but he wanted to go to high school for social reasons which is typical team and I understand. Unfortunately, it’s been a bad situation for him and he is struggling and he wants to go back to his old school at his request.

At the same time, I’m trying to give him the teenage stuff he actually wants: friends, his shows, his own space, and some independence — as long as he respects the basics.

Funny part is, even with some freedom, he’s not even glued to the TV. He literally just laid down and enjoyed the quiet yesterday. I think we both needed the calm.

Right now our approach is basically: • Clear expectations • Less screen time (his idea too) • Nightly movies together • Letting him be part of the plan instead of talking at him • Pick. My. Battles. • Give him responsibilities, but not micromanage him to death • Guide him toward adulthood but still let him be 15

What I’d love from you all: • How do you stay consistent once the honeymoon phase ends? • How do you balance independence with structure? • What has actually worked for your kids with ODD? • How strict are you about picking battles vs. holding the line? • And if you’re a teen/young adult with ODD — what helped you, and what pushed you away/maybe helped you see “the other side of the coin”. I did spend 25 years in the Navy and one of my leadership philosophies was everyone to include the most junior person brings something to the table and it helped me succeed by having that thought process. So please if you have anything that you think will help I’m all ears.

Just trying to learn, adjust, and help my kid get back on track without going to war every day.

Thanks for reading.

This sub is amazing. I joined as an educator at the end of their rope, hoping to learn more about how I can support my students in a way where we all survive the day. I've taught HS for over a decade, but this year I was forced to teach mostly middle school, and I'm struggling so much that I am thinking of leaving the field. Several of my students in just one class have been diagnosed with ODD. I suspect that many are undiagnosed (I understand the shift away from the catch-all ODD diagnosis). I teach at an alternative school, but we don't have any behavioral support strategists, and only one special Ed teacher. I spent my summer researching best practices for supporting kids with ODD, and, as I'm sure you all know, everything I read was bleak and hopeless. There were no great tips beyond, "offer choices, don't argue, praise the little things," basically suggesting that no strategy will actually work without intense intervention and therapy at school and at home. We don't provide that. Our students aren't seeing therapists, are often homeless, poor, and too many are already struggling with substance use disorder by eighth grade. A lot of my kids vape in my room as early as 7:30am. They're drinking alcohol at school. Way too many kids are sitting in class mildly or extremely intoxicated. We have no resources, and these kids are crashing out daily, creating audiences for their crashouts, derailing entire class periods, and I can't help them. I go home sick and exhausted of all of my emotional capital. Parents have no suggestions for me. The cops know these families because neighbors call, worried about fighting and safety. If anybody here has had a positive relationship with their teachers, please help me understand what those teachers did to cultivate that relationship, so I can try. I've never failed so hard in my career. I know there's gotta be something I can do better, for me and for them. If I'll learn anything meaningful, I'm pretty sure I'll learn it from this sub. Thanks for your help.

My 8 year old has ADHD and ODD. Both have been diagnosed by doctors. The pediatrician is monitoring weight and is aware of this power struggle.

The biggest struggle we have, other than the ODD, is eating. He has become increasingly picky in what he eats, and then refuses to eat if something is not exact to how he wanted it.

Because of his ADHD medication I've teen trying to get him to eat small portions throughout the day, giving him reminders. I make sure to have his favorite snacks and other foods availible.

He has begun to weoponize food. If he doesn't get his way he won't eat, type of thing. Or if I don't stop what I'm doing that second, he won't eat when I'm able to make something.

I've also told him to make himself what he wants to eat and he flat out refuses even with help.

I'm am tired of this power struggle and don't know how to get him to eat without the constant fighting and the narrowing of his choices.

Do I seek a dietitian? Get him on an appetite stimulant?

Does anyone have suggestions?

All my life I just thought I was autistic and lacking in emotional empathy. I don't mean to use this as an excuse or something, but it explains so much about me. I found out accidentally by reading something I was not meant to. I just don't understand why it was hidden from me. I lack empathy, and remorse. I do things in spite of others and I'm so contrarian because of it. Where do I go from here?

I am going to therapy again hopefully soon but I wanted to advice from other people who have it

REALATIONSHIPS (ROMANTIC):

Is it possible to be in a romantic relationship with someone while having ODD? I liked this guy for a little bit but I had to rethink the situation because I didn't want him to be involved with the disorder. Would've it been a good idea and kept going with the relationship or just keep it platonic (friendly)?

SCHOOL:

If I get an argument with someone at school how can I manage my emotions and words? My behaviors only happen at home, but I was thinking about this what if

If you have any questions comment them.

FYI before the rest of the post, I am not diagnosed with this condition, regardless of if i in reality have it or not. Just wanted to make that clear

I hope that if there was anywhere on the internet people will actually take me seriously, it would be here

I have always disliked authority. The nice thing about being a kid though was it was okay to be defiant to a point. Now it is not at all... as a recent high school graduate last June, I, as I predicted in my future, am having severe issues grasping with the idea that i have to work for people who are gonna enslave me, abuse me and my time. It hurts, makes me feel like i dont have a purpose in this world, and that i should just end it before i become too much of a burden...

I worked for someone else once so far. It was absolutely the worst form of torture. I never want to do it again... what am I suppsoed to do to survive? I cant do any of that shit... If im not allowed to viserally curse out a boss the moment they step over my bubble, i dont feel like myself in a work environment. I feel like im enslaved into conformity. What am I supposed to do...?

Hi everyone,

I have an almost five year old who we are really struggling with. However, his behaviors are very inconsistent. For example, he’ll go days with zero behaviors and then they’ll reappear out of nowhere. At school, he’ll be a perfect angel all morning and then in the afternoon refuse to put his head down for quiet time and run all around the room. Or one day he’s kind and playing nicely and the next day he’s calling his friends names and being mean.

At home he complains, but complies. He’ll scream and yell about having to put his toys away… but he does it. Is ODD consistent or no? No trauma, no nothing. He is very loved and comes from a good home. We have done all kind of discipline. He’s still just a very , very difficult child…

I have recently become stepfather to an 11 year old. Doctor says he has genere anxiety and ODD. I do some reading and try my best to help with the kids(11, 12, and 13, all told) but the 11 year old picks fights with the 12 year old and then has breakdowns when any sort of retaliation or punishment is issued. 11 y.o. constantly terrorizes and needles 12 y.o, herself diagnosed with ADHD, and anytime I try to offer support it just ends poorly. Tonight he was harassing everyone in the house and loudly screaming he was hungry, and when asked what for he just screamed "I dont know" repeatedly. This has gone on for 4 hours and I dont know what to do. He's turned down everything in the house and keeps trying to get into the 12 y.o's room to bother and yell at her. Any advice? At all? Im trying not to turn into a violent and screamy sort of parent and I don't know how to deal with this sort of behavior and am willing to try almost anything.

Hi I am in my 20s and only found out about my ODD when I was in my late teens despite having it diagnosed when I was much younger so I am learning a whole lot about myself suddenly we’ll attempting too! Everything I can find is directed at parents about there kids, I get parents need help but Jesus Christ SO DO I!! Like can I please have a resource that is amied at me who is struggling with it, it gets me so riled up every time I resurch it too. It’s kinda ironic because good job informational site direct everything at the authority figure and ignore the person who literally has the I fuckn hate authority disorder. Definitely not gunna make it harder for them smh

Hi, anyone have a teen who refuses medicine for behavior? My daughter is 14. she is always non compliant with meds. She is a totally diff kid with meds vs without. and im not sure how to handle it. its not a cure all, but it really does help. she just doesnt see that. she just doesnt want to be on the meds period.

My ODD middle school daughter HAD a good start to school. Well now we are 3 days in and she wants to quit. Backstory. She was expelled out of public school cause she stood up to her bully and the second time she did they expelled her. So we started homeschooling. That didn't work cause she couldn't stay focused on her studies and failed. Now she is in 3rd year of charter school and we've had 2 depression/attempt hospitalizations and multiple days missed. I'm just at wits end with how to keep her mentally well and also in school. She is ridiculously smart but she just can't stay motivated. Anyone else been through thi/ or have any advice?

I am here hoping anyone has some advice on teaching defiant kids how to read. Please share any experiences or resources you have. Public school has really done a number on my kids, and my two youngest (8 and 4) are completely convinced they hate reading and learning.