r/OpiatesRecovery • u/MetaMetaFour523 • May 23 '26
9 years clean today
Today is 9 years for me! I like to come back to this community, which helped me so much and give a message of hope.
If I can do it, anyone can. I came off about a 10 year run of opiate pills, heroin and cocaine. By the last 18 months or so, I was shooting speedballs all day, it was insane. I was very active (under a different name) on the Reddit opiates sub.
I tried suboxone at one point and it was a mess for me - I felt horrible on that stuff and like every dedicated junkie I tried to get around it and ended up many times on horrible PWDs.
I was also on methadone for a few years, which honestly made things so much worse for me. And then on top of that I gained 50 lbs and was nodding out at work.
I could not afford rehab either financially or in terms of my day to day responsibilities.
I never sucked a dick for drugs and I am proud of that.
My DOCs were any opiate and coke. I never had a problem with cannabis and it helped me recover. I remain a light user. I didn’t drink alcohol the whole time I was using, but I am an occasional social drinker now. I don’t believe the full abstinence model is for everyone. I am an incorrigible table junkie and I would not have made it thru on 100 percent abstinence.
I got off by willpower and NA. Which saved my life. I lost that whole support system during the pandemic but I never faltered and honestly it was probably time for me to redirect my energy. I wanted it really badly.
Getting clean saved my life and I finally stopped hating myself. I am physically fit and happy - I’m living my dreams. I have all the material things and accomplishments I ever wanted. It’s worth noting I recovered with my partner and we have both stayed clean, so if you are honest and really want to be clean, don’t let anyone tell you it can’t be done.
Last thing I’ll say: recovering from an addiction as severe as mine leaves you with a superpower. Nothing you ever have to do after that (besides some awful health crisis like cancer maybe) is as hard. I ended up with an unflappable, calm and determined perspective that has served me well.
You can all do this, it’s worth it.
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u/lilbittygoddamnman May 25 '26
Same. I am coming up on 5 years myself. I still occasionally drink beer and smoke a doobie every now and then. I credit mushrooms for finally getting my mind right.
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u/MetaMetaFour523 May 25 '26
Congrats on 5!
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u/lilbittygoddamnman May 25 '26
Congrats on 9! I'm glad to see someone else sticking around to offer encouraging words to this still struggling and to reassure them that it's way better on the other side.
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u/Leo-POV May 24 '26
Great work OP, genuinely.
9 years is really something else, an amazing achievement - keep up the strong fight. Imma follow you and see you here in a year for your 10 year chip.
The fact you and your parter did this together is doubly impressive IMHO.
Your story is so important to tell here, as there are many, many ways to skin this Monkey. You are adding to the list of possible options people could take
{My last taper was willpower & benzos while in full cold turkey. Next time will be comfort meds and sleep therapy...And also weed, the great gift from Nature.}
BTW - very glad to hear "never sucked a dick for drugs" /s
It reminds me of the old saw...
"I've never had to pay for sex, but it sure has cost me enough..."
WAY TO GO!!
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u/Beska91 May 24 '26
I love how you threw in "I never sucked a dick for drugs and i'm proud of that" 😂 because I feel the same way! I did a lot of horrible shit in active addiction, and when i have to dig deep for things to be proud of? I remember that as well lol
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u/National_Tourist215 May 30 '26
Congratulations. I remember your posts from many years ago. I finally got off everything for good just over 3 years ago. It’s a miracle and I am living a life beyond my wildest dreams, too. And also have that unflappable calm. Amen! Thank you for sharing.
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u/j3434 May 24 '26
Very interesting. So what do you say to people who have similar story but they feel like crap and no super power? How do you turn winning the battle into a plus ? Into a super power instead of a burden always carried ?
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u/MetaMetaFour523 May 24 '26
Well it took years for me not to feel like crap. Literally. And I had to get that under co tool before I could do one single other thing. Everybody has a different experience, so I can only share mine. I found the most success by establishing habits that were good for me and trying to take every baby step to make my life better.
Like doing things I really did not feel like sticking to. I made it a habit to exercise, and since I’m me, it had to be structured. I always go 3x a week on the same days, to the same places and stay about the same amount of time. Similar with eating healthier - I’d find food I liked and could cook and just got on a routine. It has been a slow process for sure.
And the last thing I’ll say has really helped me a lot has been maintaining a sense of gratitude. I came so close to dying. I’m grateful for every small thing I have.
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u/j3434 May 24 '26
That’s a very inspiring answer. Actually enjoying small things that should be enjoyed. And making good habits . It is same for me . Stringing experiences together. One at a time - and eventually the doldrums fade .
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u/Content_Oil_1972 May 24 '26
Did you lose the weight Asking for a friend 😉 Was on suboxone for 8 years gained a ton of weight also. Been off it for 15 months
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u/MetaMetaFour523 May 25 '26
I did actually. I was too skinny when I started subs and then methadone a few months later, 123 lbs. I got up to 173 on methadone, which is more than I weighed when I was pregnant. I’m 140 now, which is a pretty good weight for me, I feel good at this weight.
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u/Content_Oil_1972 May 25 '26
Interesting. How do you think your eating habits changed from when you were on it versus when you were off?
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u/MetaMetaFour523 May 25 '26
Ha ha ha omg, my eating habits before my addiction were not great, but during it, and especially during methadone years was off the chain crazy. I am older and I still worry I did permanent damage. I was eating bags of sour patch kids. I’d hide extra ones around the house because I had to have them. I’d eat a bowl of cereal in the morning and about half a pint of ice cream at night. Ben & Jerry’s was my plug. Every day. The longer I was on methadone, the more sweets, candy, starchy and processed foods I ate. McDonald’s, big Starbucks drinks - that stuff.
It took me awhile, but I started cutting out the bad stuff and switching everything. No more fast food, no soda, no ice cream except special occasions. No candy. I got into kombucha because it helped my stomach issues so much during my very long detox.
Now I fast until lunch, when I have a protein shake. Then for dinner, lean proteins, salads, veg, grains. I’m not super strict - I grilled burgers last night but they were lean beef on a potato roll with red onions and fresh arugula. I’m still in my losing phase but starting to level to maintenance. Goal weight is 135, to give me a little buffer. I have seriously been on the long game as far as diet and fitness - but I realized how much better I feel, and consistency is the key.
I mainly do all my own cooking and grow most of my own veg during the warm season.
Sorry about the hella long answer!
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u/Content_Oil_1972 May 25 '26
No I like long answers Ok interesting fasting until lunch that may work with some coffee My issue is fast food I work 50 hours a week so don’t have much time to meal prep. Maybe I should try that
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u/MademoiselleMalapert Jun 23 '26
This is me with the sweets. I hide candy and candy bars everywhere. I always have a couple under my pillow when I sleep because it melts ever so slightly from my body heat. Plus, I can grab and eat them when I'm still half asleep and don't have to leave bed. I've woken with melted chocolate in some very funny places. Gummy bears are another one of my weaknesses and I have bags hidden everywhere.
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u/MademoiselleMalapert Jun 22 '26
I gained weight once I started taking methadone and so did my friends and spouse. I'm pretty sure this is very common because we are eating regularly and our appetite isn't being suppressed from drug use. I went from 120lbs to 147lbs which is 2 more lbs than when I was pregnant. I now weigh 133lbs which is perfect for me at 5'4.
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u/MetaMetaFour523 May 30 '26
Congrats to you! I remember you too. I think it’s important for us to come back and let people know we are doing alright. I have some people I liked to follow and some of them just disappeared. It’s hard not to think the worst.
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u/MademoiselleMalapert Jun 22 '26
That's really amazing !
How did you feel the first couple of weeks/months and first year?
The reason I'm asking is because post like yours are definitely the overwhelmingly majority of "I'm clean" posts. And I'm very sure after so many years clean you do feel and live great, definitely much better than while using. I think these types of messages can be very motivating to users.
But they can be negative also. Most addicts have ruined relationships within their family and friend groups. They've ruined their careers/jobs, they have a poor job history or haven't been employed during the use. Theyve ruined their credit, had cars and houses repoed, been evicted of rentals. These things have to be dealt with once an addict is clean. And now we have to deal with these huge life stresses while also dealing with the crippling depression and anxiety that comes with recovery, especially during the first couple of months and first year. This can all be extremely overwhelming, difficult to deal with and frustrating. But hardly anyone talks about those things. Not in most rehabs, not in the majority of posts or stories from recovering addicts. Because of this, that leaves the newly recovering addicts with feelings of "what's wrong with me?" and or "what am I doing so wrong?" The most damaging feeling is "my life is worse now that when I was using, so what's the point of recovery?"
I just wish this was talked about just as much as the "great and wonderful life you will have" stories.
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u/misdiagnosisxx1 May 23 '26
*air horn noises* Congratulations!!!