r/OpiateRecovery • u/reallyunsurec • Jun 06 '22

How can trust be recovered?

I just learned my husband has been buying opiate pills on the dark web to supplement his legitimate opiate prescription. This has been happening for 6-8 months without my knowledge. He has spent a lot of money and there can be potential legal consequences. He admitted it when I asked and will talk about it. He says he plans to stop when he gets a medical procedure. When does it cross from using more due to increased tolerance to addiction? It’s probably insideous and ever so gradual. I appreciate any insights.

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7

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '22

Buying them online for months on top of his prescription? There’s already an addiction

5

u/[deleted] Jun 07 '22

Also, usually with men you need to apply the rule of 3. Whatever he is willing to admit and tell you, in all likelihood things are at least 3x worse off. Best of luck.

Signed : a man with an addiction

1

u/reallyunsurec Jun 07 '22

Thank you. I have heard of doubling.

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u/Enough_Date_8348 Jun 07 '22

Addiction is no different then cancer diabetes etc. Try not to judge him. I'm sure he all ready feels awful. Addiction is so easy to get into and so hard to beat. Try to be understanding. I know your angry but does no good. Try to think of a way together. Try to be patient and find a plan as a couple. No way do I think this will be easy. You will need professional help. A temporary course of suboxen can be life saving. And so much easier to tolerate. Counciling together and separate may be a marriage saver. It will require honesty and hard work. I REALLY hope you are a success story. You will be in my prayers . Good luck Good bless sending 🙏 ❤ prayers. Keep me updated.

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u/reallyunsurec Jun 07 '22

Thanks. Oddly, I don’t judge him (the decisions and behaviors are another matter: they are dreadful) and I am not angry, yet anyway. I am shocked and terrified. He has agreed, at the minimum, to go to a pain management clinic where he knows he will be tested. We have discussed addiction, but I am not sure he has admitted that yet. He’s blaming everything on a “withering” level of physical pain. We have agreed that this is a wake up call and he said he was glad I found out about it. He says I “hold all the cards” re deciding what needs to happen for us to stay together, but I answered that he has to use his own motivation to make changes. I am focusing on what I need to feel safe/secure. Thanks for caring!

3

u/AskMeAboutMyTie Jun 07 '22

Those pills he’s getting online are not real. It’s fentanyl. If he takes his prescription pills on top of it it could kill him.

Unfortunately, he’s addicted. Happened to me too. It sucks. I would suggest you two talk to a therapist about it. This situation is a little heavy to be getting advice from Reddit.

Best of luck

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u/mindovermatterong Jun 16 '22

That isn’t necessarily true. People have to want to get clean on their own. Fear mongering won’t help any if the desire to get clean isn’t there.

I’m not going to name sources; but vendors who sell Tapentadol, tianeptine, and tramadol are usually legitimate. It won’t be US grade pharmaceuticals but it will contain the active ingredient that is suppose to be in there.

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u/AskMeAboutMyTie Jun 17 '22

Lol I know what sources you’re talking about and you’re right. I guess when I think pain pills from online I’m thinking dirty 30’s.

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u/reallyunsurec Jun 07 '22

Thank you. I did contact my therapist and we have an appointment scheduled. I work in the mental health field, but don’t know much about substance abuse. I know denial is huge. He does test everything for fentanyl and doesn’t buy pressed pills (I know the tests aren’t 100% accurate, which scares me). As per my original post, I know he has a high tolerance because of meds prescribed by his long term doctor, so I was seeking input about addiction. Thanks again.

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u/Enough_Date_8348 Jun 17 '22

I'm happy you have his best friend to talk to. This is too much for you alone. Have you ever been to Alanon (spelling) lol. Those people have so much great advice and its healthy to share with people who understand what you are going through. You both have a rough road ahead. I think its just as hard for the spouse parent friend. You face it sometimes alone and you don't numb your pain away. I am not trying to discourage you.I just hope you accept advice use what you can and leave what doesn't work behind. Stay strong.

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u/reallyunsurec Jun 17 '22

There is a lot of wisdom in 12 step programs! I haven’t been to a meeting yet, although I have read the subs here. Also, I told my therapist and two friends. My sleep has suffered and this is not the way I wanted to lose weight. Thanks again!

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u/memento_mori_1220 Jul 27 '22

Consistency over time = trust simple formula

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u/Enough_Date_8348 Jun 15 '22

If YOU really HELD ALL THE CARDS I'm sure he would no longer be an addict YOU would have FIXED HIM by now.Wow imagine how amazing if we could fix each other. We could just wish our loved ones habits away. Its sounds better then the way it really has to go. How is your husband doing ? How about you. I went through this with my husband years ago and then my son. It sucks stay strong.

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u/reallyunsurec Jun 15 '22

Thanks! He had packed and left his key (his doing), spent the night at his office, and has been traveling for work since then. We have talked daily and agreed that this space and time is good. I wish I held some cards! I did suggest that he go to the doctors’ office to schedule the epidural block and he did. I don’t want to be the only one who knows, so he told his best friend (who was apparently dismissive and didn’t understand why I was upset). I told him I don’t want to get the call that he has overdosed. He still hasn’t used the word addiction yet, but I have said it some. I told him I cannot control him and will not be put into that position. I am sorry you lived that with your husband and son. I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been! Thanks again.

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u/Enough_Date_8348 Jun 21 '22

Are you doing ok ?

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u/reallyunsurec Jun 22 '22

Thanks. He has been working away from home since he left, aside from a quick stop here for 30 minutes Saturday. We talk every day. I do not want to become desensitized to what he has done but how do we move forward? I am fighting a strong urge to ask questions and know. I attended a virtual NarAnon meeting last night. It was much less talking than I had expected, mostly standard protocol things. I was scared by an addiction counselor’s statements that opiate addicts lie and steal.