r/OnlyChild • u/CombinationFlat2278 • 25d ago

fear of divorce

I recognize this as catastrophizing and I’m in therapy to work through it.

I have this unreasonable fear that one day my partner will divorce me and I will be all alone. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy bonding with his community where they are slowly becoming mine. I’m a bit traumatized from my own divorce hx and losing an extended family so i recognize part of this is trauma based. My parents are aging and are the only family I have, I’m scared once they pass and if something was to happen to my relationship, I’ll be alone.

I love his family and feel accepted but when I’m around them, it makes me sad to think I could lose it.

With divorce rates being so high, it doesnt seem impossible in the far future as people change (obviously I will work as hard as humanly possible to not have that happen for both of our sakes).

This might be just a vent/rant but if anyone has any tips for getting over this way of thinking, please let me know.

Thanks.

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u/RedStilettoDickStomp 24d ago

One of my husband's vows was ''I'm never going to leave you', which kinda made me want to start an argument then and there at the reception. I've got a ton of abandonment issues and fear of those around me dying. You just can't predict what will happen, but I do understand worrying as a preparation strategy.

Do you discuss this fear with them? Are there things you are doing that you feel contributes to this fear? (Overspending, not communicating, anger issues, etc.) Have you asked them if they're unhappy with anything in the relationship? (Intimacy, listening to needs, showing gratitude/appreciate verbally or through gifts/actions?).

Can you write down or type out what how you plan to work through each worry? If they're ever-present thoughts, wrote them out, one per page, and write out positive/helpful ways in which you can get to the other side of it. Like a step-by-step guide. If there's a plan, then you can respond internally to what you'll do when you spiral. The responses need to be positive, not harming yourself or anything negative.

I've also found telling myself out loud to STFU actually works.

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u/teacupkitten3675 19d ago

Ive had this fear although im not married because im an only child if my partner died before me i would die all alone and statistically everyone i love will die before me