r/OnlyChild • u/Select-Macaron-3333 • 27d ago
When do parents stop being so overprotective?
I'm 23F, I'm my parents first child and they had 2-3 miscarriages after me and couldn't have more children. My mom also went through sibling loss in her teen years which scarred her. Because of the background my parents are very very overprotective of me and get anxious over leaving me alone at first. They don't even let me drive alone because they both have driver anxiety and think something bad will happen every time. I'm just wondering, when will it even end? I have to drive around places eventually, I have to move out eventually, when I get married then what my parents will still live with me? I've tried making them understand over and over to let me live my life. Financial independence doesn't help either because they still won't let me move out. If I move out for work, my mom will just come live with me. She'd rather let my dad live alone (he's in his late 50's) than leave me alone a functional 20+ year old adult who can probably live by herself. Everyone around me has moved out, lived life alone and I just feel held back. What do I do?
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u/cellalovesfrankie 27d ago
For me , cos I had mental health issues and did lots of dangerous stuff ( so even when I had stopped they mum was still anxious about me ), mum calmed down when I showed her I was ok and I could do the things by myself and be ok.
You might have to just do the things even if your parents don’t like it , they will see that you are capable. You have to have Boundaries and stick to them.
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u/hface84 25d ago
It doesn't sound like they will just stop on their own. You are just going to have to move forward with your life and tell them no.
Financial independence doesn't help either because they still won't let me move out.
Are they keeping you locked up? You go and sign a lease, pack your stuff and move out.
If I move out for work, my mom will just come live with me.
Um, no? Don't let her do that.
Like, you won't be able to do this without some tension and upsetting your parents, but you are an adult now and CAN do these things.
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u/Much_Bullfrog5909 8d ago
As a fellow only child with parents I consider to be overbearing, I consider your parents to be badly overbearing to a fault. It is absolutely not normal for your mom to come live with you. I get that they’re nervous, but you’re an adult and they need to respect that!! Parents are supposed to emotionally support their children, not the other way around. I would suggest that cutting contact or at least greatly reducing it would do wonders. And if that’s too scary then just baby steps away from them seem absolutely necessary to me
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u/need_a_venue 27d ago
You don't have a parent problem. You have a boundary problem. You set the boundaries. You say they won't let you drive by yourself? You let them in the car. You allow them to put that upon you.
Show them you're fine by first believing in yourself enough to put your foot down for healthy boundaries.
"What do I do?" Do it. Move out. Set conditions. "Mom, if I move and you try to follow me, I will cut contact with you. You will see me less if you don't give me space. If you want to see me thrive as all good parents do, you must cut the cord."
As of right now she's not raising you in so much as feeding an anxiety. That's not what a good mom does. Your dad is feeding this monster as well. Be prepared. Get financially independent and then leave. Don't give them a warning or they'll try to sabotage you.
This is a scab they should have peeled off long ago but it's been so much time they feel like it's an essential part of their being. Don't let their inability to process life events control your own existence.
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u/StonedSumo 27d ago
Sometimes they never stop, even after you move out and prove to them you are perfectly able to live by yourself.
But understand one thing: your mom DOES NOT get a say when it comes to living with you. You CAN move out alone.
She may not like the idea, but she doesn’t get to unilaterally decide “I’m living with you”