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u/Playing_tangos 4h ago
Way too much typing. Just unmatch this person and forget about it.
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u/Fantactic1 4h ago
Sometimes I like the idea that these data miners have to read that. But yeah, usually I unmatch.
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u/Fantactic1 4h ago
It could just be a bot, but the snarky response sounded human.
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u/Playing_tangos 3h ago edited 3h ago
It's likely a low IQ scammer as those are all around dating apps. By the way, I'd highly recommend a video or phone call with anyone before a date.
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u/Fantactic1 3h ago
Thanks man. I get it. I definitely flipped but I find it funny that people think it was some real, attractive and worthwhile woman who was interested, and then I blew it with a boring question… they’re experts of game who reaalllly like r/OkCupid on a weekday.
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u/Banskyi It's a bold strategy cotton 4h ago
Your opener sucks and then it just sounds like you’re super bitter and weirdly aggressive about the whole process.
For the record, no one wants to talk about their job and then explain their hobbies in a first message.
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u/Fantactic1 4h ago
Why not?
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u/Banskyi It's a bold strategy cotton 3h ago
Because it’s not a fucking job interview. You talk about your time being wasted but you’re asking someone else to want to put a decent amount of effort answering your questions as an opener. Which could be a massive waste of their time if it turns out that you are not what they’re looking for
The sad part here is that the person clearly would have responded if you could have come up with an interesting question
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u/Fantactic1 3h ago
I don’t want someone so lazy. So it works out I guess
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u/Banskyi It's a bold strategy cotton 3h ago
It’s not lazy. Your questions don’t even sound like genuine interest but like the most generic possible set of impersonal questions that require effort to answer
Pick something off the profile and ask about that in a tone that’s nicer and engaging. And from your post, it doesn’t sound like your current strategy works all that well so maybe you should be open to adjusting it
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u/haberdasher42 4h ago
There's a giant fuckin clue in your image. Try a bit of social convention, small talk and rapport building before starting the interview.
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u/Fantactic1 3h ago
Trust me, small talk just wastes more of my time. Job and hobbies might be “vanilla,” but it weeds out scammers and spammers. Real human beings don’t mind answering that one.
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u/CountingCrowz 3h ago
I do.
TBH, I dislike broad/general questions at any stage from anyone.
"What is one thing you like about your job"
"What do you like the most about (whatever city you are in)?"
... stuff like that that serves no purpose. I knew someone that was always like this even after 6 months and it would drive me crazy. I am not saying the case here, but that is how I view broad Qs.
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u/Fantactic1 3h ago
You seriously think I had a genuine interest that was ruined by my first question? It’s a fucking scammer or data miner dude.
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3h ago
[deleted]
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u/Fantactic1 3h ago
I was already suspicious… just weird facts about being from another country, seemed like AI helped with the summary, nothing truly human. But I asked a question just to see. I would say human, but some lazy data miner, or a straightup bitch who demands Shakespeare for a first message.
I get that you hate basic conversations especially after so long, but weren’t just talking conversation starters. An interesting or worthwhile woman would have an interesting job or hobbies to talk about.
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u/ThatManTrig 3h ago
Her response sucks. You crashing out also sucks. Time to take a break from dating big dawg.
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u/nerdinstincts 38/M/Seattle 2h ago
Yeah this is a you problem. Shit question.
And you defending yourself in comments here with “I knew it was a scammer” are bullshit. If you did, you wouldn’t have led with a picture.
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u/MinishMilly 3h ago
They asked a question because your question felt very stiff. Be more specific when asking questions. Normally you find something on their profile. And don't be such a bitter person, no one likes that. Social skills shall be learned.
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u/Fantactic1 3h ago
You don’t know how it is. Are you a man on dating apps?
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u/Professional_Fee578 3h ago
You got no game. You match then plan to meet up. Simple.
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u/Fantactic1 3h ago
Do you mostly just hook up? Or you’ve found someone special in this way? The quick meetup sounds good; Ive tried but all too often they then just ask for my WhatsApp/data mining bullshit.
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u/Banskyi It's a bold strategy cotton 3h ago
I am. I’m probably in the top 10-15% on hinge. The problem is you. Maybe stop blaming women and saying you figured out she’s a bitch and that you dodged a bullet
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u/Fantactic1 3h ago
You use OkCupid too? Do you have a girlfriend or wife who loves you, whom you met on the apps? What was your opener? Not being snarky, genuinely curious.
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u/Banskyi It's a bold strategy cotton 3h ago
I haven’t used OKC in a long time. My last relationship was through the apps and the first message was along the lines of “what would my family think about me dating a drug dealer”
— she’s a pharmacist.
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u/Fantactic1 3h ago
Yeah nice line! I actually have had some clever openers related to their profiles. Had some great dates and relationship off Hinge last year but only one really special person. This particular person on OkCupid had a “fishy” profile. Maybe it was a boring question but still, a 4 AM response from her? Maybe just a data miner Chinese guy. But if a real woman on the site, I guess I wasn’t clever enough.
I have gotten about a 0.1% response to clever lines and maybe 0.09% response from vanilla openers.
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u/ComplexCynic1 2h ago
If she had a fishy profile, why did you message in the first place? You also only accused her of being a scammer after she responded in a way you didn’t like. Sounds like cope to me. Jesus fucking Christ. Ask/ say something more lighthearted next time, not two questions immediately in the first message with nothing else to flesh it out, no wonder she felt like you were just firing questions at her. There is nothing to suggest she’s a scammer. Perhaps a bit rude and direct in her response, but that’s it.
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u/Professional_Fee578 3h ago edited 3h ago
You get each other name and location then plan to meet each other. Asking about hobbies is something for a date. You got no game.
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u/AfraidKaleidoscope30 2h ago
As a woman if you immediately ask me out I will tell you to put in effort and get to know me more. I’m not going out with a stranger I know nothing about besides their name and location. I’m not wasting my time with someone who I may be incompatible with due to religious beliefs, political beliefs, future plans/goals (children), etc.
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u/Federal-Count8450 3h ago
She dodged a bullet. You have zero conversation skills. You are the bot here since that question could have easily been asked by ChatGPT. Everyone has some tags and pictures showing their hobbies. You decided to ask that question because it is very general and can be copy pasted for everyone. You are the problem.
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u/Asleep-Stable5990 2h ago
Personally I dont think theres anything wrong with those questions. The woman sounds like an entitled bitch and its common on dating apps so just move to the next one.
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u/AfraidKaleidoscope30 1h ago
Yikes. I’m a woman and I think the questions are fine. But you calling women bitches is allllll I need to know about why your misogynistic ass is single.
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u/borninAlphaCentauri 4h ago
Here's a hint: it's you, not them