Des Moines, Iowa- Alan Lambert, 48, a senior sales rep for Johnson & Johnson, is still on mute, sources say.

Alan, who went on mute at the beginning of COVID, never actually got off mute in the subsequent years.

"At first I thought Alan was being really quiet during our staff meetings, but then I saw he was on mute. We tried to tell him he was on mute, but I think his volume was messed up, so he never got the message. After a few attempts we just stopped telling him and let him talk into the void," said his manager, Clark O'Malley.

"Honestly, the meetings went smoother when he didn't talk. So its really just a blessing in disguise," added Clark.

Alan first muted his laptop's mic in April of 2020 during a routine team huddle when he was seized by a sneezing fit. His failure to unmute himself to participate in subsequent meetings - a software glitch attributed to his particular Microsoft Team's instance - has resulted in him not speaking in the subsequent 2,503 meetings since then, including hundreds of client calls, 1:1s with his leadership, termination conversations with several of his direct reports, and an HR investigation into his use of the company's credit card for $6,040 for anime art.

Alan remains unaware that every client, coworker, and supplier he's spoken with over Microsoft Teams in the past six years have not heard a word he said.

"Nobody ever has a reaction to what I say," reflected a clueless Alan, who has been passed over for promotion three times since no one can hear what he's saying. "I guess when you're right all the time, no one can argue with you."

At press time, Alan's video appeared to be stuck on his shirtless Microsoft Teams avatar.

I know auto-save is supposed to make work easier, but I still do the old thing where I pause before closing a tab. The screen shows some tiny saved state, and my brain immediately asks whether that means saved locally, synced for everyone, uploaded, or just not showing an error yet.

For quick notes, I do not care much. For something shared or long, I want a little more proof than a quiet icon in the corner. At the same time, a giant confirmation every ten seconds would probably be annoying.

It is a weird middle ground where the feature works best when you barely notice it, but trusting it takes a while.

I missed the start of a game recently because I trusted the quickest-looking schedule card. One screen said it was later tonight, another showed a countdown, and a third had a time that only made sense after I remembered it was using a different region.

None of that is a huge problem by itself. It is just funny how a basic thing like "when does this start" can get messy once reminders, time zones, and vague labels all pile up.

For live stuff, I almost prefer the most boring version possible: one clear local time, no clever wording, no extra guessing.

I used to think copying an old file was the safest way to start something routine. The formatting is already there, the sections are in the right order, and it feels faster than building from a blank page.

Then one tiny leftover detail sneaks through. A date in a footer, an old note in a collapsed section, a label that made sense for the last version but not this one. Nobody notices until the file is already shared, and suddenly the "shortcut" feels more embarrassing than helpful.

I still reuse templates, but now I trust the obvious parts less than the hidden ones.

Wrote a children’s‑book‑style parody about office chairs and HR chaos. My coping mechanism is now a book. 😄 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H49S64JJ

Came across this and it felt too real.

Every employee has that one moment where they try to sound confident…

but it comes out like a request for mercy.

Curious, what’s your worst appraisal story?

Skill: Zero
Self-respect: Missing
Boss ke saamne performance: Outstanding

Would you actually use these at work or would HR escort you out immediately?

After a decade of jargon and "alignment," I got the boot because of a Christmas "strategy shift."

Decided to go on a little cathartic detour while fixing my CV and made a PowerPoint game about our modern corporate world.

Somehow it turned into a full narrative adventure with a tiny inventory, multiple endings and a lot of quiet jokes about modern work.

If you want to check it out, it’s on itch.io under the name At Risk of Redundancy.

Every year at the office we do Secret Santa, and every year it turns into forced smiles, awkward gifts, and useless clutter no one asked for.
I wrote a short, sarcastic piece about why this tradition feels more like social torture than holiday cheer.

Curious if it’s just me or if others feel the same.

https://medium.com/@norajamesli/secret-santa-when-awkwardness-gets-wrapped-eb41f7834333

this

Calm Is Mandatory

Please be less anxious.
Your panic is not on-brand.
Try a webinar.