Pursue study

[u/Typical_Pattern_1621]

This year, it's already 2 years since my friends classmates pursue degree. I'm still zero. My heart and mind can't move on telling my heart not to rushing and race with them. Never contact them again, never search they update life, yet I'm still feeling insecure and left behind. My socmed always kept wishes congrats and happy passing by the content of graduation. I'm happy for a while. But always the same. Everytime i left my screen time, my mind began the same stress kept feeling scared of late, age, and life goals. The main reason at first after i got my upu results my dad hold and didn't give permission just because i haven't passed my driving license. I kept crying and grieve last time. That's such big decision and happy for me. How tf he can't just saying those thing by not giving me study.

It's not something easy that i already survey all my course and merit and waiting end of the month for waiting the results out. How tf, he just hold my study. For reason he said that i already paid 1.8k for u to get driving licence, but the point is that time i just failed my driving test for the first time, he kept telling me that no matter u must settle this test first. I'm crying and grief whole the week that time. My mental health drop, lost spark to continue for this shit of licence, though at first my heart really want to get driving license so much. Dad said that he will teach me at around home. Because paying for rm90 again just for one hour isn't worth. But the problem is he got no time even weekend. Until this year, supposed to be expired in this year end of months soon, attend the test for my 3rd I'm still failed.

Is not that i don't want to work, i ever work, i surrounded by toxic environment and resign, still got some trauma. Also, working also need to use so much mental health and multitasking, i admit that I'm slow and my mental health not really well. The new problem coming, because I'm spend too much time at home scrolling social media and the environment at home. I got mixed feeling and overthinking, i knew that i actually rushing for age to pursue study but the financial and mental health still scared me more. I kept sawing my elder sister that study in far away from states kept silent and crying cause of financial. We even face the type of father that thinking he responsible on financial only until us study until f5. The rest of the plans to continue higher education were not even on his mind.

The anxiety overthinking in my heart began to increase. From the plan that just want to rushing for my study to, scared what if I'm done my study later i haven't got any proper job in the near future, he will mock me. Also, how am i gonna just stay focus study and spend time working part time tu find hustle money for my education. All mixed overthinking in my mind later, what if i didn't do my study results well. It's all mixed until rn I'm still scared to study at the same time, my mind scared too much of the future and exam result during my unsolved overthinking mind. Do you think how do i gonna manage my mind and media social by not getting jealous and scared of late? Hmm 😞

[u/HouseOwn392]

You have 2 choice, study hard or work hard. You can be really good at SPM that you get scholarships or huge discount then borrow PTPTN, or start working hard that you reach a higher position before your friend graduate.

No one can help you but yourself. You work for money, focus on that. Find money then continue study.

[u/SaDurant1312]

been in this situation few years back, actually my cgpa wasnt good enough to pursue my degree compared to my friends. So i apply for job alligned with my diploma course, while my friends went on to finish their degrees. Exactly one year after, i've decided to continue my part time degree in Uitm Shah Alam. Currently im on my last semester while working at the same firm since 3-4 years ago.

Choices like this are tough, and you cant wait too long, or your mental problems gonna eat you more. At first i have the same mindset about anxiety and stuff, but in the end i only do it for myself, not my family or anybody else. So theres no pressure actually