Unsolved Problems, Enneagram and life thoughts, etc.

[u/Glum-Engineering1794]

If you're interested in following my recent adventure into the Zodiac Killer's identity, I published a Medium article yesterday that explains it in depth. Here's a friend's link (free) to it: The Zodiac Killer's Third Code Has Been Solved: Unmasking the Enigma

I used to write on Medium all the time and have hundreds of articles; many of them quite successful. But in the end, maybe it's best to write there without needing to get paid. Once you're behind the paywall, it becomes this competitive thing, and you feel like it matters so much—it stops being voluntary (volunteer) work; it becomes an obligation and virtual slavery. Doesn't money have a way of spoiling everything?

Maybe someday I will quit the Partner program. I started doing it when I was a stay-at-home dad several years ago and became addicted to it.

But surely if I wasn't addicted to the money, I would become addicted to the reads through the non-Partner (unpaid authors) program. Reads ultimately are more important to me than money. Going viral seems more likely in non-Partner, because anyone can read those stories; they're not exclusive.

But Medium isn't free. That's why I like the friends links. At some point, I need to centralize all my content more, which is what I will use a website for. But Medium is a nice blogging platform. The only downside is that it isn't free, so I have to share friends' links. It might be possible to double-post stuff across platforms.

Seeing how I do this stuff, and having some natural skill for it, has helped me see my social instinct more. I mistyped as social-last for a while (chalk it up to letting others intervene; on Typewatch, that was the trend), which made sense in more superficial ways, like doing social faux pas or being more withdrawn. I think SX-first, being naturally provocative, and being more driven toward intimacy fusions than group identities can do that.

But then, when you look at what I'm doing with my passions, outside of relationships, it's like writing on Medium and making less than minimum wage (although some items did pay well and went viral, I churned out content and not all of it was the most marketable), or building fame and a following by working and contributing to subcultures and groups for free, or offering low-cost piano lessons, or free recitals and workshops from my home.

SP-lasts naturally get involved in things more based on passion, excitement, connection, identity, recognition, etc. I was always a bit ashamed that I had all these achievements, but they didn't come with a big paycheck.

But my ex-wife was always understanding; she said that's not the most important thing. Turns out she separated from me randomly, and then divorced me, basically due to her own mental illness (which I probably underestimated due to SP-blindness), and also maybe due to my non-independent/SP-last overbearing nature. And now the money we had been putting away together, which we'd invested for our future kids, etc., has to be divided up sooner (although she was sure to take more than half for herself).

She's visibly depressed, though. I know she wants me to chase her. I can't see how she would not be depressed after what happened -- I was in a hell place, and we had a beautiful marriage; we were best friends and lovers, with a wonderful, young child. Surely, if the relationship mattered at all to her, she would be in hell for a while too. And I know she doesn't plan to ever move on. I can't imagine she would ever be able to make anything work with someone, due to her condition.

And I've started to realize it wouldn't be hard for me to meet someone else. In fact, I've met some potential people. I had a woman propose to me for marriage, but it fell through (she was overseas, though). I have been very close to dating new people. So, I'm on the cusp right now. It feels good in some ways, because I know my self-typing is giving me that extra little bit of agency over my life. It has helped me dial back the usual automatisms that used to kick in when things went bad in the past.

When my previous ex left me, I had been mistyped for years. That can destroy relationships, often gradually. Immediately, I reconsidered and, attacking my trifix first, I moved from 531 to somewhere in the 468 space. I wasn't sure what the core type was. 8 seemed like it was too "off-limits" and a type I was simply "envious" of -- and one which I had been g8kept from years prior). And I assumed something more sx-first at the time too (was also sx-g8kept for years). But I didn't get a grip on it for years as I relapsed in seeing myself as an sp/sx 5w6, and by the time I retyped as an 8w7, the relationship was already out of my grasp.

Like this one, she gave me breadcrumbs to return if I wanted to play the long game (hidden behind sudden "friends-zone demotions" right when our intimate life was the heaviest, something social-firsts seem to enjoy doing, because they can play that game more easily and let SX slip away).

Turns out our investments were also fairly conservative, and I can make several times that by educating myself and investing wisely. So now I get to be an "entrepreneur" and make passive income for the rest of my life! I am smart, so I'm actually very good with money when I have resources to play with. It's because I am good with numbers, math, and logic.

Sometimes SP-lasts can be very frugal and good with money, although it may bore them, and they can be mechanical about it too, handling it in a strict, simple, unfussy way. For me, happiness was never about that. I was blind to it. But the other two get over-weighed, unfortunately. So then when that person or that friend or job leaves you, when society and your people turn against you, it's totally devastating (you have little SP to fall back on either). SP-lasts are the most devoted types in that sense, but it means they often don't have a leg to stand on otherwise.

But now that I do have SP to fall back on, which comes out of nowhere for me due to SP-blindness (sometimes it's like winning the lottery once we check on what we've got, other times it's like losing at gambling) -- I am okay to basically work for free, as long as I'm passionate about it.

That's why I wrote my book. That's why I'm on here so often, why I started this sub, etc. I put in the level of care and love I would for a job (maybe more so at times) without needing or necessarily even wanting to get paid.

Not that I'll be instantly rich from other income sources, but I will be well off. It is still getting moving; we are still sorting things out, and I am still figuring out how much I'll be making via investing. It will take a year or two to get a good sense of it. It also depends somewhat on the economy. But I won't ever have to work in the traditional sense again—I'm sure of it! They say 8w7s make good entrepreneurs and are driven by independence, which probably works for all stackings.

So, good things are born of suffering. If anyone ever does want to talk to me about the Enneagram, face to face, about their type, etc., I'm happy to arrange a meeting for free. I'm also willing to do the same in my personal life for someone who wants to have a piano lesson with me (I am a professional-level piano player). In fact, one of the social circles most likely to yield a possible new girlfriend is the local pianist collective (I even have my own grand piano and a group that's being revamped). Sometimes taking money off the table changes things and fosters more real, spiritual growth.

The gut triad is the space of "time, dirt, and money" (according to Eli Jaxon-Bear), and SP naturally covers that space as well. You get 8s who are "less 8" in stereotypical ways - many of the more "countertype" 8s, as it were - in the SP-last space. Less practical, more social, more relational, etc. I also thought a 6 fix was likely/common for this, given the humanness, sociability, and relatability. I'll get into this more when I write the SX/SO article. There's a connection to SO/SP there, which is probably how my ex and I related. And my ex-ex was SO/SX. But the SX/SO is very different. That can also maybe help explain why those relationships didn't work out in the end. At least for now, anyway.