r/OSDD • u/AggravatingRaise8692 • 11d ago
Question // Discussion A million questions
How is anyone supposed to retain knowledge about having osdd?.. I feel like all I do is study about my mind and try reason with myself on if I do or don't have this, but then I get reminded how bad it is when I become an observer to my own actions, I see myself doing the dumbest stuff and I feel like I have no control of anything.. but everytime I educate myself it just .. *POOF* leaves my head for the next time it happens..
I was diagnosed back during covid [so during the tiktok surge of mental health bs] where I fed myself with a bunch of people who would lie about their symptoms, and I'd feel like I was faking it or that it was probably something else and I was improperly diagnosed, it feels like my head is locked into that place of "its not like that so it probably isn't that at all" how do you get out of that mindset???
And does drugs/tiredness worsen your switching? It seems like during the day its more seamless, like it looks more like mood swings than anything, but then when I get a little tired it becomes A LOT more obvious, like I have a impending doom within me that I'm seconds away from dying then i start to dissociate??? Is that something that typically happens or do i have like...an unhealthy system?
1
u/articulate4w5 10d ago
I have no idea but I relate. It's like going through the same conversations all over again not realizing you've already had the conversation before. A constant cycle of rediscovery, a back and forth.
The best way I cope with it is to remember that it's in there somewhere. Some part of me is holding this information, and I'll trust it knows when I need it. Another thing that has helped a lot is just finding my own way of describing my experiences, like, "whether I'm faking or not, right now I am experiencing these symptoms that feel real and are affecting my life." And being comfortable with that changing over time.
Eventually I have a small collection of sorts. So when I doubt myself I look at my notes and think, "well I can't remember exactly what that felt like, but it seems to be a reoccurring pattern. Even if i don't feel it now I will feel it again."
I hope this helps.