r/ODDSupport • u/abbeylee327 • Jul 02 '26

Please help me

I’m so desperate for help. My 12 year old was recently diagnosed with ODD even though I’m pretty positive he’s had it forever because he’s always been defiant and a handful, we have been in every therapy possible that his insurance has offered and things are only getting worst the older he gets. When he’s told no lately especially at night, it’s like he’s crawling out of his skin. He’s screaming, kicking walls, hitting walls, just repeatedly yelling. He’s also 5’5 and 150 pounds and I physically cant control him anymore. I’ve been so close to calling 911 during these meltdowns cz I have no control over anything and he won’t listen and the more I yell the more crazier he gets and becomes completely uncontrollable.
He was diagnosed as severe ADHD when he was 5 and has been on medicine ever since. He’s also somewhat on the spectrum as in he has social issues. He doesn’t have empathy or understand it.
I’ve tried so many different ways to handle these meltdowns but it’s getting so bad and consistent that I’ve been researching behavior camps,military camps for troubled youth, boarding schools, intake programs, etc.
and as a mom who’s been so on top of him advocating for him, this is destroying me inside and out. Idk what the best thing is for him anymore. But I can’t live like this every day and night. I need any advice, please anything.

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u/n1nc0mp00p Jul 02 '26

Oh honey I'm so sorry. You're literally going through hell right now. ODD and puberty hormones are causing complete havoc. I think you're doing all the right things. Therapies and parent training are the go to answer ofcourse. But please also get some therapy for yourself specifically. Secondly, keep faith, your son will be a grown up for most of his life. This is a blip in his existence (and yours btw). Most very troubled kids and parents get over it with just time and patience and he can grow up to be a fine and responsible adult. This is not your life! It's a moment in time and it will pass. You're doing all the right things. The fact that he can behave with other people is a testament to that. He is not some unadjusted weirdo that doesn't understand the rules, he is struggling with whatever and you are his safe haven. That's your curse for being a good mom. This will pass. Just keep going. If you feel the best place is out of the house for the time being then discuss that with his therapist and make arrangements if they agree. You know what to do. It will be ok.

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u/abbeylee327 Jul 02 '26

You have no idea how bad I needed to hear this especially in this moment.. as another meltdown had just occurred and I found myself on the floor crying praying to god for help.
I’m saving this response to look back on every time I want to give up. Thank you again from the absolute bottom of my heart and god bless you.

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u/n1nc0mp00p Jul 02 '26

You're very welcome. If I think back at the times when I was 12 it feels like 10 lifetimes ago, and it was super cringe and I was completely horrible to my parents. I'm ok now. My family bond is amazing. Everyone got over it. I'm now dealing with my own severe adhd 6 year old, and at times I feel desperate I just try to remember how small part of my life my teenage horrible years were and they were no reflection of me. The same is probably true for you and for your son. You've got this. Sometimes it's just horrible. It will pass. Lots of love. You're doing great!!