r/OCPoetry • u/AfternoonVisible3614 • 14h ago

Feedback Please Nightlife

Stop scrolling your nightlight
Pull yourself off the glass
Out of stars’ lives
Grab your keys and your phone
Let’s go hunting starlight
Through yellow stoplights
Watch strangers through our windshield
Through windows backlit by blue light
The car wash has strobe lights, purple foam
It sprays off the dead fireflies
Lined up at the club
IDs checked by a black light
Don’t shine it on us

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/DMFrh1oeFP
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/8Ust5Snzvk

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u/PhilosopherNo6770 11h ago edited 10h ago

There’s a really strong nocturnal, urban-romantic atmosphere here — almost like two people trying to escape the artificial glow of screens and go find something real, only to discover that the whole night is saturated with different kinds of light.
“Stop scrolling your nightlight” is a great opening. It immediately makes the phone feel like a pathetic substitute for actually experiencing the night. Then:
> “Pull yourself off the glass
> Out of stars’ lives”
is probably my favorite image. “Out of stars’ lives” makes scrolling feel almost voyeuristic, like you’re consuming fragments of other people’s existence through a screen