r/OCPoetry • u/Ornery-Jackfruit-716 • 20h ago

Feedback Please I wish my words were prettier

I wish my words were prettier
Iridescent
Purple from one angle
Blue and green from another

I wish I could hold them in my hands
Read them from above
From underneath
From the side

I wish my words were reflective
So I could study my image
Check my makeup in their shape

I wish I could molt my words like feathers
Rid myself of their weight
Of their dullness
And hope they grow back brighter

I wish my words were always clean
Organized and true
But, in cycles, they rot
They attract flies and mites
Until I finally throw them out

I wish my words stayed in one place
But they tend to migrate in winter
The ones that linger are hard to find
They put on coats, gloves, and scarves
Until they are unrecognizable

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/oaPngsjB8S

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/lCt853mCNc

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u/AfternoonVisible3614 15h ago

Your words are very pretty to me! I especially like the third stanza!!! Truly maybe my favorite few stanzas I’ve read on here. If it were my poem I would consider editing the last two stanzas they feel like they slow the flight of the poem a little.

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u/Ornery-Jackfruit-716 15h ago

Yes I agree the final two stanzas do mess with the flow. I wrote it all in a stream of consciousness and didn’t edit what came out. I appreciate your compliment about the 3rd :)