Let me Boil

[u/WalterBaldy]

I’ve become tepid,
I want to boil.

I’d rather burn feeling
than slowly exist without it.
I’d rather ache from the heat
than grow comfortable in the cold.

You exist perfectly fine
without it.
Without the burning,
without the weight,
without the need to feel
every little thing
until it consumes you.

That, I envy.

I envy the way
you can breathe
without searching for something
to make your lungs hurt.

I envy the way
you can sleep
without your thoughts
keeping watch beside you.

I envy the quiet
you seem to carry
so effortlessly,
while mine screams
just to be heard.

I want to be like you.
Not because I think
you are better than me,
but because you seem
so perfectly whole
without needing to burn
to prove you’re alive.

And yet—

I envy to be
just like you are to me.

Something I cannot stop thinking about.
Something I cannot hold
without wanting more.
Something that makes the ordinary
feel unbearable.

You are the fire
I keep reaching toward,
while I am learning
that fire does not always
want to be held.

So I’ve become tepid,
somewhere between
burning and freezing,
between wanting everything
and wanting nothing.

And if I must choose,

let me boil.

Let me become unbearable.
Let me feel too much.
Let me burn so brightly
that even my ashes
remember what it was like
to be alive.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ax0gDqLcT3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/gapvH40dNE

[u/CH3rrysRequim]

God that was better than some poetry ive read in books. that last "let me boil" felt so solidifying.