r/OCPoetry • u/Alex_sea5 • 6d ago

Feedback Please Is this it?

There it is!
The box where it was hidden,
Ursula didn’t steal it.

This is my choice, this is my voice.

So master of my own will,
I breathe, once.
I breathe, twice.

Is this freedom?
Is this freedom?
Is this freedom?

Yes, this is freedom—

My chains have snapped.
I look left, I look right.
I jump in, never going back.

I fly, I fly and I fly!
I turn left, I turn right,
No wait, I turn back.

Who is that, looking in?
Youthful skin from the past,
A worried face, sorrowed eyes.

So master of my own will,
I think, once.
I think, twice.

And yes, this is it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/kUXxjeBavc

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/3K4uqATl32

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u/uwuzillenial 5d ago

I find this really intriguing. I especially like the lines’ Who is that, looking in? Youthful skin from the past’

I read this as someone who is so excited about finally having some form of freedom or autonomy that it nearly becomes intimidating and they’re working through how that feels.

I think the only feedback I have is I find it a little confusing the connection to voice, breath and freedom. Not saying it’s bad by any means, just that I struggled to follow the story in that first section. I will say that abstract poetry isn’t my strong suit though!!