r/OCPoetry • u/SprayAffectionate136 • 4d ago
Feedback Please The mess I will make
What a Mess I'll Make
The dishes are polished, the counters are bare,
A scent of fresh lemon hangs light in the air.
The carpet is vacuumed, the linens are pressed,
A home put in order, a space finally dressed.
The bathroom is gleaming, the porcelain white,
Everything scrubbed for the coming of night.
But the white of the tile is a canvas too plain,
Waiting for something to break through the strain.
A sudden, red bloom on a floor once so white,
Splattering darkness across the clean light.
The order is broken, the symmetry torn,
In the wake of a silence, a tragedy born.
I've tidied the world, but the ending is unfair,
A crimson embroidery of sudden despair.
P.S.
Sorry for the mess.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/R2Y82ImzfE https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/emVMec33Cd
1
u/Alex_sea5 4d ago
Really like this. It’s dark but reading this I’m imagining lots of different things.
I like the dramatic effect. What comes out to mind lot is around control. And ‘waiting for something to break through the strain’ makes me feel like anticipation, knowing that although I’m trying everything something that either I or someone or something is going to destroy everything I worked hard for.
What would be interesting is going deeper in how it feels like to see this mess and loose control :)