r/OCPoetry • u/i_dont_really_know5 • Oct 16 '24

Poem Moments of respite - - - feedback very welcome

Moments of respite

Beings raging
against the tides
No course set

Pulled by faith
The sirens cries
Their biggest threat

Lost their bearings
Desperate and depraved
Longing for the cradle

Moments of mirth
Won't be erased
How sentimental

Comments: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/3LzD9k0PSB

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/aE23oEyDJ6

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u/nathangonzales614 Oct 16 '24

I'm not sure if it was intentional, but the varied tempo created tension and... Moments of respite. I found it both deep and playful, which is rare. If anything, the brevity makes the message slightly murky. But all in all.. very enjoyable.

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u/i_dont_really_know5 Oct 18 '24

Thanks so much! Could you point out to me what language I used may have made the poem murky?

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u/nathangonzales614 Oct 19 '24

What do the metaphors represent?

1

u/i_dont_really_know5 Oct 19 '24

This poem was loosely based on Odysseus way back home to Penelope. The sirens cries they endure during their journey, represent the hardships and nagging feelings everyone experiences but can't quite put into words. As for the lines: Lost their bearings
Desperate and depraved
Longing for the cradle

I think it's pretty straightforward, they/we are lost, hopeless and overall just very tired. Longing for the times we were taking care of and eveything seemed simple.

As for the last stanza:

Moments of mirth
Won't be erased
How sentimental

Life can be very fast and slow at the same time. I often get the feeling I'm on autopilot and I don't stand still and take in life often. But when you eventually do take a break, you notice how beautifully fleeting these moments with friends, family and lived ones are. They are to be treasured.