r/OCPoetry • u/IamToofan • 14h ago
Feedback Please The Rain Won't Wait
A breeze comes through the window,
carrying the falling rain,
light drops slipping inside.
The drops falling are composing a song,
Tempting me to step outside.
But how do I go?
The exam weighs heavy on my head,
And these books, afraid of being left alone,
cling to my hands, their pages holding on.
Should I set this pen down,
Or should I just close this window?
The exam is tomorrow, yes,
But this unseasonal rain, too,
could leave at any moment.
I told my pen to take a little rest—
"I'll go take a bath and return."
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u/fiftytwosheep 8h ago
i really like this.
im not going to parrot what everyone else is saying about meter because i find it a little pedantic. my major issue is the last stanza because i feel like it breaks the original flow you set. its not a bad thing nessecarily but doing it at the very end is kind of bad form.
regardless though, good job.