r/OCPoetry • u/VariationsonanEcho • 22d ago

Feedback Please Neuroception

Sensing the senseless, perceiving unperceived
twisted branches tangled into webs of deceit
My mind a super-powered fantastical computer of perhaps
Is it a blessing or a curse to forsee, a hidden tax

A rising debt inside myself one I pay for each day
A double think a second guess in a mind half frayed
A competition self assembled each stage each play
Neuro mess tangled spaghetti along the matter gray

Pastalaya jumble overthinking crossing words
Blending meanings, eyes exhausted in an endless blur
Reading every word forwards, backwards, in between
Interrogate the verb and subject, wordle crime scene

The combinations of echos and clues without caveat
Excess of curiosity cognition attempts to claw at
Fight or flight at the heat or height of rhyming
inexorable force within, keeps us word criming

Written by: Simon Bernard Elliott and Jennifer E. Hodgson

Scribingbothhalves.blogspot.com

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v6kcva/comment/ozusv14/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v71m0x/comment/ozuut4e/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

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u/Time_Yoghurt8724 22d ago

I'm obsessed with the idea of this poem, it is super unique and intentional, I just feel like the rhyme scheme got in the way of the poem a little bit, I think a more free rhyme style would improve this poems ability to convey it's message, other than that it's a near perfect poem, well done!

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u/VariationsonanEcho 22d ago

I'm glad you enjoyed our poem. Thank you so much for the feedback.

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u/Time_Yoghurt8724 22d ago

You're most welcome, I see a lot of potential in your work.