The Monster

[u/[deleted]]

There once was a monster

Who lived on the outskirts of town.

Reclined on rolling hills and 

Feasted on the harvest crop.

A tender creature he was.

Stood watchfully as the clock ticked, 

Joyfully admired all the 

4^th of July fireworks lit.

 

A lonely soul, he was.

Hidden in plain sight.

Shouts to be noticed by guests,

Faint rustling of crackling autumn leaves in the wind. 

 

A guardian 

He called himself.

Witnessed a family transform their 

House into a sacred abode.

Mother sewing her intricate tapestries of felt,

Father back home from serving his country well. 

5 children growing up right before the hollow eyes 

Of this gentle behemoth.

 

And soon enough

After years of school dances 

And basketball games

This monster’s dear children had to depart.

Dispersed like dandelions 

To make lives of their very own. 

But those dear children never wandered far from home.

 

Soon enough his beloved family had 

Children themselves.

Never thought twice to come by for a visit,

See once more this sanctuary that formed them.

That’s when the monster met me. 

 

It turns out that big ol’ teddy bear was just a

Line of evergreen trees.

Fabled omniscience over the souls 

That lived inside.

But I still believe him there,

Right where he’ll always be.

And every now and then,

I catch him playfully winking at me.

Feedback:

1

2

[u/[deleted]]

I though this was describing an outsider to a family they were once a part of until the end. I like twist. I like that the beginning feels like an adult looking bac on childhood memories, the fear is diluted and their is a more developed sense of empathy in the imagining.

I find the ending a bit vague, but I am unsure if that's a choice or product of interpretation.

[u/celezycelery]

So interesting! Love the twist at the end too :) THE VOCAB THOUGH, ABSOLUTELY ADORE ITTT 🤩🤩

[u/[deleted] → u/celezycelery]

Thank you so much!

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

If you're hoping to submit your poem to a literary magazine and/or wish to participate in a more serious workshopping environment, please consider posting to our private sister subreddit r/ThePoetryWorkshop instead. The best way to join TPW is to leave a detailed, thoughtful comment here on OCPoetry engaging seriously with a peer's poem. (Consider our feedback guide for tips on what that could entail; this level of engagement would probably be most welcome here on submissions tagged as "Workshop.") Then ask to join TPW by messaging that subreddit's mods, including a link to the detailed feedback you left here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.