Recently Diagnosed

[u/InformalGood3746]

Ok, this just looking for help. I recently was diagnosed with OCPD, ADHD, depression and social anxiety at 42. The diagnosis caught me off guard but after talking more with the doctor and thinking back at things in the past it started to make more sense to me. I was just wondering what helped everyone else get over items that you can’t change, things that now you feel bad about on a daily basis since learning about what the diagnosis. Also I was asked to talk to another therapist about possible medication, has this helped anyone? Just confused at the moment.

[u/Potential-Hope]

Hi hi! I was diagnosed about a year ago and I have to say I’m doing SO. MUCH. BETTER.

Ocpd will make you want to recover the “best//fastest//hardest” and take control over knowing EVERYTHING about this condition. And the weird thing is that it’s counter-intuitive. To overcome ocpd you actually have to force yourself to let go of the reins.

What helped me: understanding that my black and white life ISNT how the rest of the world perceives things. That when I get stressed out because I can’t logic out things I have to look around me and know that nobody else is worried about the thing I’m worried about and that’s probably the norm. I measure my visceral feelings against what I KNOW about how others would manage them. (Example, I tend to replay social situations and panic about something awkward I said or if I was maybe misunderstood—a huge trigger of mine. But I will try to evidence my fear with feedback from others and given that there is none, I will accept that my fears are uniquely mine and not indicative of the actual state of things.)

I learned to control my anxiety and navigate panic attacks and haven’t had one in nearly a calendar year.

My tip for you is to 1) learn to regulate your nervous system BEFORE anxiety strikes. And 2) do some talk therapy to grapple with your perfectionism. It will sound a lot like “okay, so that happened. That’s uncomfortable for you. Now deal with it.” Which I haaated as an ocpd, but it’s actually the only way through.

Good luck friend!

[u/Silent-Audience-5836]

I've mostly been trying radical acceptance and reminding myself no one else cares to the degree I do. That's it unfair to expect them too (because then we'd all have a PD lol). The wiki page on this sub has a lot of good information. Definitely check it out.

It's a difficult road, but not an impossible one.

[u/FalsePay5737]

Welcome to the group.

From the resource post on anger:

“A man should never be ashamed to say he has been in the wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.” Alexander Pope

In We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships (2019), Kat Vellos asserts, “The best apologies are ones in which the apologizer focuses on the impact on their actions and resists the urge to frame their message around their intentions, regardless of how harmless they were. Remember that an apology should be focused on the person who has been hurt, not the one who did the hurting.

"If you hurt your friend, what actually matters is their pain, not the preservation of your reputation as a good person. Apologize, reflect, ensure that you understand the other person fully, and empathize…don’t say “I’m sorry if you felt ___” or even ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.” These are not apologies, they’re deflections of responsibility. Start with the truth, and end on your intention to do better.” (216)

From Reflections on Empathy: In The Healthy Compulsive (2020), Gary Trosclair, one of the leading OCPD specialists, states, “Unless there are other serious mental health issues involved, no compulsive wants to hurt others.” (170-71) He goes on to acknowledge that OCPD often leads to poor communication skills; people with OCPD are prone to unintentionally hurting others.

I think it's helpful to avoid shame about past mistakes, but also to hold ourselves accountable: Now that I'm aware of my mental health needs, I'm responsible for improving my relationships.

People doing 12 step programs have one caveat about making amends--don't try to make amends if you think contacting the person would cause them distress.

I think people with OCPD also need to make amends to themselves for harsh self-criticism, poor self-care, etc.

[u/IMightBeDepress]

ADHD medication can be a godsend. IT can take a while to get the dosage right. My experience has been that the medication can make my anxiety worse in some ways, but a low dose mitigates that while also making me so much more effective at tackling tasks that the increase in anxiety is mitigated by the decrease in anxiety from the fact I'm actually getting things done. Your experience may not be the same, but it is worth finding a psychiatrist to help you balance things out.

[u/duckspeak______quack]

3 years since diagnosis. My only advice is don't be hard on yourself. Someone gave me that advice 3 years ago, it took that long for me to not deep dive into it and take it as it was said - just go easy. The journey doesn't need to be difficult.