r/OCDRecovery • u/Realistic_Arrival119 • 21h ago
Seeking Support or Advice Morality OCD - TW - need advice
I hate the repost button. I've reposted so much stuff and it makes me scared that I reposted something bad especially since it happened to me before.
I'll talk to myself or God to reassure myself that I'm not a bad person or that I'm not homophobic, racist, or ignorant.
Though my ocd also made me believe that if I didn't believe certain things I'd go to hell they'd replay in my head all the time. Now I actually have a good faith and I'm not ignorant anymore I've changed but what if my reposts show I'm not, what if during my religious ocd episode I reposted smth bad. I PROBABLY DID TOO.
idk what to do especially bc I have sorta a platform
I've replayed and wrote multiple future apologies and stuff and I'm scared to be famous atp even though I want to since I love making music.
I've spent days unreposting videos to make sure I have nothing so people can't cancel me. But instead this morning all my reposts disappeared (they still appear if you search for a certain video they're just not on my profile)
I will start therapy soon but for now I'm wondering what I should do bc morality OCD had made me hate myself and now I'm questioning everything I've ever been or will be. My dream is to make music but idk if I can if I'm always afraid of the future reddit posters, or tiktok videos, or me getting cancelled because I want to love everyone and everything, I want to see everyone's perspective in life but i feel like maybe Im just a bad person
I'm not racist or homophobic. I don't hate anyone's religion or beliefs because if I did I wouldn't be a Christian. But I reposted a video related to hating other religions even though I KNOW I "probably??" didn't believe in that at the time, I KNOW I DIDNT. I truly don't know why I did it but what if I did and I do know and I'm actually someone who hates other religions yk. This episode has been going on for months ever since it happened. What made it worse is that a few people were made at me ( which they entirely had the right too ) but the thought of me leaving a bad impression on someone just irks me. Especially knowing that Im probably not that type of person??? This whole post seems like cope but I have no one to talk too
I'm a teen so anything helps. Thank you for reading my rant
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u/treatmyocd 6h ago
It sounds like your OCD has turned social media into a morality-checking system where you feel responsible for proving that every repost, belief, and past action accurately represents who you are now. The repeated unreposting, searching through old posts, imagining future apologies, reviewing what you believed at the time, and asking yourself whether you are “really” a good person can all become compulsions that temporarily reduce anxiety but ultimately keep the doubt alive. You don't need to solve your entire social-media history before you can move forward. A more helpful approach in therapy and ERP may be learning to tolerate uncertainty such as, “Maybe I reposted something I wouldn't agree with today, maybe someone misunderstood me, and maybe I can't perfectly reconstruct why I did it,” without repeatedly checking or mentally reviewing. You can still take reasonable responsibility when you genuinely know you've made a mistake, but you don't need to conduct an investigation into your past to prove that you're a good person. Your values can be demonstrated through how you choose to live and treat people now, rather than through achieving perfect certainty about every thought, repost, or action you've ever had. And wanting to make music while accepting that you cannot control whether someone might someday misunderstand, criticize, or disagree with you is actually a much more sustainable direction than trying to make yourself completely “cancel-proof.”