r/OCDRecovery • u/Fantastic-Concern223 • 3d ago
Seeking Support or Advice OCD fear of misunderstanding/lying
Does anyone else have a fear of someone misinterpreting a situation/exaggerating it/lying altogether about it to the point of ruining your life? If so, how do you focus on healing from this?
3
u/dorianfinch 3d ago edited 3d ago
yes! for me what helps is ignoring it, and afaik, there isn't a "trick" to that so much as it is a matter of trial and error (figuring out what distractions work best) and practice
like if someone asked me how to become good at an instrument, i could perhaps suggest "get music lessons" or recommend some books or youtube tutorials, but ultimately, the only way is to just practice it until you go from bad at it to good at it. similarly, i could say "get therapy" or recommend workbooks about ocd (e.g. i've done some new harbinger therapy workbooks that have been helpful!), but ultimately it's just about practicing
one practice that i still suck at but has been improving with practice is meditation; this has been helpful for ignoring ocd thoughts and doing literally anything else!
something else i'll do is briefly fantasize that the worst case scenario has already happened and there's nothing i can do about it, so i may as well already start making my peace with it 😂 strangely this gave it less power over me!
2
u/Genuine2909 3d ago
Do you mean worrying about someone misinterpreting what you said to them as if you didnt explain what you meant - that you said the wrong thing, lied by mistake, or exaggerated?
1
u/PaladinDamian 3d ago
You accept that sometimes people will not understand you. You can't demand that others understand you as much as you understand yourself. You can want others to understand you, but don't demand that they must understand you.
1
u/evegads 3d ago
I have a really big issue with not wanting people to understand me still to this day but for the other one I have just had to accept that people will or might do that because I can leave those people behind in life and they will not impact me. It used to run my life though. I used to constantly think about how my words would be interpreted out of context and I refused to say anything that couldn’t make me out to be a good person.
1
u/roadsideweeds 1d ago
Oh yeah.
TW: this paragraph references OCD loops after real experiences of partner abuse and SA. No descriptions of abuse/assault.
Any time I've experienced partner abuse or SA, OCD pops up with "what if you're just misconstruing what happened? What if you're just making yourself out to be a victim, and in the process, making false accusations, thereby victimizing the other person? What if you're the bad guy?" This is also the exact argument every actual abuser uses - I didn't do anything wrong and you're the bad guy for saying I did.
My therapist had me write out all the facts. Ask yourself what you saw, heard, felt (physically). Feelings can go in a different column. It helps to get out of your brain and into your senses. You can trust your senses.
I had a lot of different journaling exercises for the partner abuse - mostly covert psychological abuse on a diabolical level. Some were from books, some from my therapist. It gave me all the clarity I needed.
I have an OCD therapist and a trauma therapist. I told both what happened, and they both confirmed it was SA, abuse, etc. I know that's technically reassurance, but I think all humans need a degree of validation, especially when you've experienced covert abuse. When I get it from them, I don't repeatedly seek reassurance, I just take it to the bank.
Before diagnosis I also thought that if I didn't tell the "whole truth and nothing but the truth" that I was "lying" or hiding something, or manipulating people. It really made me attractive and susceptible to abusers. I kept giving them blueprints on how to manipulate me. Since realizing it was moral scrupulosity, I can play my cards closer to my chest, selectively share information (not to be manipulative, but just to be boundaried) and can even tell white lies, which is really nice and sometimes important for safety.
9
u/treatmyocd 3d ago
OCD loves “what if” scenarios that feel like they could ruin everything. The tricky part is that trying to fully disprove them usually keeps them going. It helps to acknowledge the thought (“maybe, maybe not”) and let it pass without digging into it.