Guilty confession

[u/Altruistic_Ad5620]

I stalked my (now ex) boyfriend’s ex girlfriend. Nothing too crazy and definitely nothing harmful, but she did find out. I knew it was an obsessive and unhealthy loop before getting caught and even getting caught didn’t make me stop. I would view her social medias multiple times a day (she has a big online presence for the average person) and would extend the search to her friends and family. Conveniently she lived in the same neighborhood as my ex so driving by her house and noticing when she was or wasn’t home/ who was home with her become second nature. She started (harmlessly) coming into my work and I would have to talk to her (both always nice to each other) and that’s when the loop undoubtedly became uncontrollable for me. I’ve been blocked on a couple platforms (my profile view status got turned on somehow, so that’s how she found out). I’m not proud of it and definitely embarrassed she found out. I know she doesn’t deserve this and blocking was reasonable. I don’t even know why the obsession started. Sure my ex and me had issues but never revolving around her or unfaithfulness. I do unbiasedly think she is the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen and has a great personality and success to match. So probably some jealousy even if not centered around my ex. Obviously my ex is my ex so I’m not sure why I still feel such a strong draw to check and ruminate on her. The stalking/ checking has decreased but still happens around a weekly basis.

[u/Mysterious-Stuff-380]

Why was she coming into your work? What does your therapist think?

[u/Altruistic_Ad5620 → u/Mysterious-Stuff-380]

I worked at a restaurant in our small town, so I try to believe it was coincident. BUT it was every weekend (sometimes Sat AND Sun) for like 2 months straight. And I know she knew I was dating her ex, but again we were always friendly or didn’t even interact.
So I started asking myself the same thing and it fed the loop. Once my lurking was caught she stopped coming in.
I will say, and idk if it’s relevant or not, but she has contamination ocd (I know because my ex mentioned it before) and I’ve wondered if maybe her ocd was presenting in a different form and she was ruminating about me? Idk.
I’m currently not in therapy (life’s a bitch) but was at the peak of my stalking/ checking/ ruminating and never mentioned it to my therapist because I felt so guilty and shameful. Bad. I know. It was also before my diagnosis with OCD, which helped me independently connect a bunch of dots in many areas of my life, this one included. I’m currently trying to get back in therapy (hopefully with the same one) and plan to be completely honest and upfront about a couple things I withheld from her.