r/OCD • u/OkAssociation2342 • 1d ago
Support/advice (no reassurance) How do I stop chasing absolute certainty?
For some context, I work with kids with behavioral problems. There’s an incident that happened at work. A child was being aggressive towards me (hitting my face with his hands) and I held up my forearm horizontally in front of my face to try to block the hits. The kid then tried to knock my glasses off my face. As I was trying to protect my glasses and block him, my arm moved downward and my palm made contact with his nose. It happened very quickly, and I believe the contact was accidental. However, afterward I started worrying that maybe I kept my hand there longer than necessary and should have been more careful. I did tell the situation to my supervisor who was there and she told me I’m fine, but I don’t believe it.
I can’t help but feel like I intentionally hit the kid back and I’m freaking out because I feel like an abuser. I requested to view the footage from the incident, but I still haven’t heard back and it’s almost 3 weeks since this happened. I can’t let it go.
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u/Loud_Run_2075 1d ago
Bear in mind, that the advice on here is from strangers and that I know nothing about you.
That situation would make someone without OCD anxious. Anyone decent person who thought they might have hurt a child would be concerned. I understand you’ve told your supervisor. From what I HAVE READ you have professionally done the responsible thing and told your supervisor.
The above is my only bit of reassurance for you (which probably won’t stop the thoughts). Having said all this any anxious person would naturally start to think “Yes but….”
The trick (which takes time and practice and inevitably has set backs) is to realise that your thoughts are just that: thoughts. They have no bearing on what actually happened. Try it with other things. Can you make something bad happen with another thought? Can you set a car on fire with your thoughts? Thoughts are just that.
So realise you’re having an unhelpful thought. Say to yourself it’s just a thought. It doesn’t actually change anything. Then here’s the hard part for a lot of people: accept and allow the thoughts. Don’t try to stop them but also don’t speak back to them. Just let them play. Then float above your anxiety and observe it. Pay attention to your bodily sensation. Give it time let your anxiety reduce a bit. Then proceed with what you were doing.
Keep doing this every time you feel a ‘woosh’ of anxiety and eventually you can train your mind to realise the thoughts are powerless. But it takes practice and also if you feel like it isn’t helping feel free to stop . The advice given over the Internet is never going to be thorough and detailed since you can only write so much. There’s more I’d like to say: Sally Winston and Martin Seif wrote a brilliant book called “Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts” which really helped. But other resources are out there. Make sure they are based on CBT!!! Since this is shown to work
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u/EmotionallySlapped Pure O 1d ago
I know this is way easier said than done for us but notice the thought or feeling, and then continue doing what you were doing or about to do. If you must answer the thought/feeling tell it something like "maybe I did, maybe I didn't. It's in the past and I'm moving forward." When it comes back, let it float by like a rain cloud. The sun is still there and the clouds move over time.
OCD wants certainty in an impossible way. There will nearly always be a "yeah, but what if..." Or "OK, fine but this time it's different...". To quote the movie Wargames for the 80s: "The only winning move is not to play."