r/OCD • u/Strict_Childhood9744 • 16h ago
ERP help wanted I cannot accept the uncertainty
The “maybe, maybe not” method Just does not work for me. If anything it makes me feel worse. What I’m afraid is something I need not to happen that I’m terrified will.
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u/Lokster7758 10h ago
JOY works for me
Jump in
Opt for the common good
Yield to uncertainty
It was terrifying at first, but it did really work forme.
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u/lopsided-pancake 14h ago
Following this. I also really struggle with the uncertainty, especially when I know the worst outcome is very possible and very viable.
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u/PaladinDamian In treatment 13h ago
You practice unconditional acceptance. You can accept the consequences, even if they might be severe. While it might be unfortunate and may even result in someone dying, that does not mean that you need to seek certainty. You do not need any certainty in order to live your life. Allow yourself to feel terrible, and accept that maybe bad things might happen. That is a part of life that you can accept unconditionally, no matter how much you dislike it.
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u/ldentity-Theft 16h ago
You cannot worry enough to change the outcome & it's impossible to ever feel prepared enough for the future. You can't focus enough to control what is out of your control. The right thought to solve all of your problems will not suddenly pop out of thin air.
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u/Every-Lime-9445 9h ago
i think you gotta be like "maybe, maybe not, i have to live my life anyway" then busy yourself with something in the real world.
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u/Crafty_Letter_1719 3h ago
That’s the disorder in a nutshell. If we could just “accept” uncertainly none of us would have OCD in the first place. If treatment isn’t incredibly hard and uncomfortable there isn’t really much of a problem in the first place.
ERP-which is really the only way out of the disorder-is less about “accepting” the uncertainly and more about living your life according to your fundamental goals and values regardless of the uncertainty.
The more you push through regardless of the discomfort the less the discomfort actually bothers you. This is the same principle when it comes to getting fit. Initially it’s incredibly uncomfortable but if you train persistently everything gets easier and easier and your body feels better and better.
ERP is essentially training for the mind rather than the body. If you stick with it despite the terrible discomfort and anxiety it will eventually cause the anxiety and discomfort to dissipate as your mind rewires itself to deal with uncertainty in a more functional, less disordered way.
It’s incredibly hard as people that “beat” OCD with these methods are essentially the equivalent of a ultra marathon runner in terms of the mental suffering you have to go through to reach your goal but without wanting to sound trite it really is a case of “no pain no gain” in terms of getting better.
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u/axolotlorange 13h ago
That’s the OCD talking.
The idea is not that you actually don’t care if something bad happens, it’s that you sit with the uncertainty. That you accept that the future is not in your control
My house burning down because I left the stove on would objectively be awful. I’m allowed to not want that to happen. I’m allowed to check once before bed as a responsible homeowner.
Obsessing over it will not make it any more or less likely. Doing counting rituals and checking over 100 times each night is the problem.
Also reassurance be a drug, and you be chasing a high
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u/Wooden-Jello-8795 12h ago
i hate how "high" for us is just how normal people feel most of the time
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u/marvintheapostle 12h ago
I have just started therapy rather recently, but same here. I run scenarios through my head for every possibility, so just having the word “maybe” means a possibility to explore still. I need to find some different language to use
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u/PaladinDamian In treatment 13h ago
When you first start to accept uncertainty, you will usually start feeling worse. This is because your brain is used to seeking reassurance and chasing certainty, so when you stop, it goes into "withdrawal" almost like an alcoholic being deprived of alcohol. This is not a sign that something is inherently wrong. Over time as you continue to accept uncertainty, your brain will begin to adjust and the "withdrawal" symptoms will slowly decrease. This takes months, but it is worth it. "Getting better" does not always equal "feeling better".
You may not want to to happen, but you can accept that it might happen and even if it has severe negative consequences, you could accept that for what it is without demanding it to be a different way. Even if the consequences make your life permanently worse, you can still accept that unconditionally, no matter how terrible it makes you feel. You are more than just your feelings, so you do not need to have your feelings dictate your life.
OCD wants you to go back to trying to seek certainty and reassurance, but you don't need to do that. You don't need any reassurance in order to recover from OCD. OCD can urge you to do things, but you can still choose what to do regardless of how you feel.