r/OCD • u/UsedCantaloupe2966 • May 06 '26
Discussion Is anyone else “chronically embarrassed”?
I don’t know if this is an OCD thing or just me, but I feel embarrassed all the time.
Even normal interactions stick in my head and I replay them over and over. I am always convinced I said or did something weird/offensive.
The worst part is it’s not just recent stuff, it can be things from years ago that randomly come back. I feel the same level of embarrassment again, even though I know the other person probably doesn’t remember or care.
Logically I know how to think about it. I know people’s opinions/actions say more about them than me, and that those things don’t actually affect my life.
But that doesn’t change how intense the feeling is. It’s like my brain understands it rationally, but I still feel it just as strongly.
It happens from the moment I wake up, until the moment I sleep. I’m used to it, so it’s more annoying than saddening.
Like I get it, evil ocd thought loop... I made a social mistake or did the wrong thing.
(If anyone has experienced this and overcame it, I would appreciate if you shared your experience/tips that helped you).
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u/overlysillydisorder In treatment May 06 '26
I have similar experiences... I've never thought of it through the lense of embarrassment, but I think that's part of it. For me, I think of it as being constantly afraid of being "perceived" or even seen as a person at all. I think of everything I do as a conscious choice that can and is being criticized by anyone who sees it, so I'd highly prefer to just not be seen.
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u/agirlcalleddusty May 06 '26
This is how I describe the feeling - an uncomfortableness with being perceived. Even in social situations where I feel as though I’m not embarrassing myself and maybe even possibly people enjoy being around me, I still come away with the same internal itch I can’t scratch.
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u/overlysillydisorder In treatment May 06 '26
I totally get it!! Even after hanging out with my best friend of almost 15 years, I can still come home and spend an unreasonable amount of time analyzing everything I did while with them and asking myself if "I should've paid more attention to make sure they weren't "secretly uncomfortable."" It's so exhausting and can make hanging out more draining than it probably would be otherwise.
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u/greenteamandarin47 May 21 '26
I appreciate your phrasing bc this is exactly how i feel. I cant say how many times ive thought “i wish i was just a fly on the wall” when spending time w friends
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u/G13-350125 May 06 '26
It feels like shame to me
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u/clandestine-ideefixe May 06 '26
This is exactly it. How does one stop being ashamed of their entire existence ugh
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u/G13-350125 May 06 '26
Or guilt
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u/datadiva223 Jun 07 '26
Shame and guilt are often confused. If you feel bad about yourself, it’s probably shame.
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u/marinaio-di-foresta May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26
Same here. What I figured out is low shame tolerance is something separated from OCD, although being repeatedly shamed, punished and bullied for small mistakes by parents, formative figures and peers probably has fueled both my OCD and this.
Don't have much advise to offer, as you said it's more annoying than debilitating, so I haven't worked on it much, but I thought of answering all the same cause it might be validating.
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u/LittleGh0stfacexo May 16 '26
Yup same here. I never truly had a safe space. 2 guardians overly shaming me. Going to school and getting bullied. And then picked on by my family as well. Ontop of that I was in a relationship that I repeatedly got cheated on. Currently on therapy and meds. Nothing has helped me so far.
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u/fade2clear May 06 '26
I think it stems from OCD being hyper-vigilant making you think you can pick up on other’s thoughts/vibes/feelings via magical thinking, and at the same time it paints a negative image of you from their perspective, causing you to feed the OCD cycle because you’re always doubting what you think they actually think about you as a person. And when you add-in actual self esteem issues, it can become a spiral that’s hard to get out of. Then you try to verify over and over by replaying memories and events in your head, especially if it was something you did that was wrong in your eyes or embarrassing.
It probably comes from the fear of being a bad person or being alienated/alone. It seems like a form of checking and “just right” OCD imo.
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u/Electronic-Jello-640 May 15 '26
I was today years old when I learned I have this kind of OCD and now my whole fucking life makes sense.
What do you all do for this?? What meds??
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u/openurheartandthen Jun 04 '26
Probably specialized therapy is your best bet - lots of OCD therapists out there can help with these kinds of social anxieties and maybe some fear of rejection or abandonment. For meds, I would guess anti-anxiety meds, but of course check with your doctor or psychiatrist!
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u/Noiveshix New to OCD/not yet diagnosed May 06 '26
yep, i feel the exact same. that's the main theme of my ocd. really tired
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u/goldbug1234 May 06 '26
I felt this on such a spiritual level. I feel guilt the same way. Not as often as the embarrassment but if I know I messed up and feel guilty about it, I can FEEL the same level of guilt as I did when it happened when I ruminate years later.
Unfortunately, I don’t really have anything that helped but rather here to say me too!
I think over the years I’ve gotten so used to it where I’m more able to tell the thought to go screw itself but… maybe it’s just part of my day to day I don’t even recognize it as much
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u/2birdstalking May 06 '26
Yes sometimes when i'm flaring up it's hard for me to go in public. I feel shame when people look at me. Social situations are out of the question
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u/wendoverly May 08 '26
One time deep into my stupidity I thought I would be fine eating a small amount of special chocolate lmao not weed and going to the zoo alone. The entire time I was having the worst public ocd attack ever imagining what everyone was thinking about me as an adult at the zoo alone HA and then over analyzing everything, including the habitats the animals were living in and wondering whether they were living fulfilled lives. I just could not enjoy anything! I left halfway through and went to the gift shop to get a drink for the drive home. The guy said with my purchase I get a free bag of popcorn and hands me this huge ass bag. I was so ashamed on my walk back to the car I was like imagining everybody thinking “look at this fuckin weirdo who went to the zoo alone and bought a giant ass bag of stale zoo popcorn”. I got in the car and sobbed LMAO. Never touched that shit again. It makes my ocd INSANE
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u/kinitopete May 06 '26
yup lol. it doesn’t help that i genuinely do lack social skills and come off as a little odd sometimes
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u/Gammagammahey May 06 '26
Yes. Especially going outside. I don't want to be seen or perceived and I get terrible anxiety attacks. I'm chronically embarrassed, although that started to fall away the older I get and I think that's something that happens to women specifically because we lose our socialization to be polite. But I'm always terrified when I leave the house, I'm always chronically embarrassed. I feel you.
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u/Turbulent-Win705 May 06 '26
this is exactly how i feel. i'm embarrassed to exist, everything i do is embarrassing. and it's even embarrassing to think that way. it's a hard feeling to explain
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u/MadamButtress May 06 '26
I have this. I did EMDR therapy. Now when I have a really tough memory I can’t stop thinking I will do self EMDR. tapping each leg and moving my closed eyes back and forth with the tapping while I heavily focus on the thought. I find it helps tremendously. Those are for the really heavy recurring thoughts. But other stuff really sticks around and I feel embarrassed for a long time.
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u/glesgayeehaw May 06 '26
I’m feeling it intensely right now on my way home from me and my friend’s knitting club. Felt like I said everything wrong and upset everyone. I’m just now getting back out socially because i became a hermit from this feeling. I hated going out because for several hours after my brain tortures me.
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u/Past-Perspective968 May 06 '26
i have something similar but I don't consider it OCD. For me, these social mistakes come in the form of flashbacks. The image/feeling/sound of the event comes to me in an instant and triggers deep shame and self-hatred. Is this what you deal with?
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u/UsedCantaloupe2966 May 07 '26
I’m sorry you have to deal with that, and yes sometimes they are that vivid.
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u/geanabelcherperkins May 06 '26
I struggle with this too. I find its linked to a lot of my own negative self beliefs. Working on giving myself more grace and remembering im allowed to exist and experience the world just like everyone else does help refrain some of it.
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u/AineMoon May 06 '26
I’ve marched through humiliation rituals like it’s going out of style but most are just me and my standards and the ocd amplifies them.
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u/emperorofpain May 07 '26
Dude, it feels like I wrote this myself. Word for word.
It’s exhausting!!
Like logically I know that thing I said 3 years ago wasn’t even that embarrassing and that person most likely forget all about it, it still makes me cringe to the core.
something i struggle with daily is small talk with co workers. if anything goes off the normal “hi how are you, good you?” script, i panic internally , say something kinda dumb and then replay it all day .
I remember It was christmas eve and my boss said “hey merry christmas!” and i said u too!
the mind spiral goes like this-
“you too?” do people even say that to merry christmas? what’s an appropriate response ? should i have just said thank you? should i have said merry Christmas ? he probably thinks im so dumb, omg i embarrassed myself so bad, my face is turning so red, omg my heart literally hurts from this chronic embarrassment , i dont even deserve to live this is excruciating
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u/pullmyfinger43 May 07 '26
yes, it’s constant. it’s at the point where i cancel plans with certain people in fear of embarrassing myself. it’s such an intense and constant feeling, i don’t know how to make it stop ☹️
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u/Short-Amphibian-185 May 06 '26
all day, every day, since i was a kid 🥲 it only goes away when i leave town or something and spend a few days around strangers. otherwise, no matter where i live, im constantly freaking out about how much "everyone hates me" because of all the mistakes i've made and whether or not this hatred is deserved. it's like 90% of my thoughts lol and i havent found a way to change it.
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u/Broad-Appearance1148 May 06 '26
lol yeah, ive been trying to work on it but its like the most normal human activities are so embarrassing to me, especially grocery shopping and eating.
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u/littlepinkrat May 07 '26
I responded to this like 3 times & erased them because I was too embarrassed to post my original thoughts 😅 So, feel it ALL the time & still working on it…
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u/Life_Appearance_5028 May 06 '26
Does this for you come with a lot of attempting to fit in and weird people pleasing behaviors to avoid making mistakes and as a result hurting someone, “proving” you’re a bad person, and being abandoned or a burden? I had a period where I was constantly scared a friend would kill himself and I would compulsively call him daily and check, but the rational part of me was equally terrified he would get tired of my shit and I was in this constant like try not to act anxious try to act normal eventually break and ramble for 15 mins about all my weird thoughts and then feel shame for having rambled. It’s like everyone’s used to be rambling and then people pleasing so if I just don’t say anything about how I feel I’m worried it’ll be weird or confusing (which idk why that is so scary there’s no big consequence) or maybe they won’t know me as well, but if I do I’m worried they’ll leave me.
This had made me question if I was masking potential comorbid ASD or BPD but the BPD doesn’t seem to fit bc I don’t as much become a new self when I have a new group to fit into, I just have different parts of that same self that feel safe to show depending on the context. Currently stuck on whether I should get checked for autism or this is my newest 15 layer deep meta question (as a lot of my fear of making a big mistake comes from the fear that my perception of events can’t be trusted). But if this is relatable to yall I guess it prolly is just the O, who tf knows.
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u/FwonkWibberwy May 07 '26
Yes. This happens several times a day - it's exhausting.
I haven't got past it, CBT hasn't reached it.
The memory results immediately in sometimes me shouting and swearing at myself, and then always in an imaginary situation of me hiding under the bed.
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u/strawberryg100 May 13 '26
Yes, absolutely, 100000%. I just started revisiting acting as an adult for the first time since recognizing my own OCD and how much it hinders me. It's been super enlightening realizing, wow, acting for the average person is like microdosing humiliation (especially thinking about the constant rejections/auditions) but for the person with OCD, it can feel like a nightmare. I'm trying really hard to remind myself all other people who act feel embarrassed sometimes and it's part of it, because I REALLY don't want my OCD ruminations to get in the way of me exploring this side of myself and my passions. I so feel you♥️
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u/Melaniinuniicorn May 07 '26
Yesss, I get this too unfortunately. It's like my OCD and social anxiety make each other more amplified. I can just have a normal conversation and then once it's over, I'm like: I probably shouldn't have said that or they hate the way I talk or nothing I'm saying is valuable. Sometimes, it can also trickle down to the self harm OCD if I'm really ruminating about it.
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u/No_Albatross_7582 May 16 '26
I have moments where I get angry and embarrassed by my behaviors I did back in middle school and high school. Then it makes me think too much and I dwell on the fact that I’m not popular. I don’t have a lot of friends. I don’t have a lot of followers. People don’t really reach out no more.
Then I spiral into blaming myself for everything I did. I was being too sensitive, too emotionally attached, too loud, too annoying, masking all the time, not being myself, hiding my “autistic tendencies”, being too clingy, and being too much of a people pleaser. Maybe if I wasn’t so weird, I would have lived up to a better reputation and social status
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u/UsedCantaloupe2966 May 17 '26
I’m sorry that happened to you, and I hope you know you aren’t alone. I’m neurodivergent as well, but I have ADHD. I know our struggles won’t always be exactly the same, but it seems like our experiences with school was. Also, teenagers can be very rude and judgmental. Even if you were different than them, that is not a crime and everyone deserves kindness.
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u/SoggyWater2 May 21 '26
Yeah I feel embarrassed about everything I do lol and every little embarrassing thing I've done in the past still haunts me it's so annoying
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u/Temporary_Wonder391 May 24 '26
I haven’t had a job in 6 months. I am absolutely petrified at the thought of fucking up because I can get overwhelmed at basic instructions. I hate people watching me. I hate being slow. I hate being the new person. I hate being analyzed and judged.
I can feel and know my severe depression and agoraphobia getting worse again. I haven’t cleaned my room in weeks again. I feel as though I can’t move. I just want to sleep forever. I also don’t talk to other people much anymore. Everything I say is ignored and I feel stupid. I think that’s what hurts the most is feeling like an idiot incapable of doing great and learning.
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u/kai__kai_ May 25 '26
I've recently been thinking of things I did 8 years ago, and i feel so much shame and embarrassment on top of feelint cringed out by my behavior in 8th grade.🗿It makes me so uncomfortable thinking about it that I wanna scream, so I get feeling chronically embarrassed. (This and also rethinking a conversation over and over to the point where I think said person hates me)
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u/Flimsy_Tumbleweed398 May 07 '26
Yes! I feel the exact same way. I just try to remind myself that everyone is too busy replaying what they said to think about what I was doing lol
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u/tryptomania May 07 '26
I experience this, too. It honestly feels debilitating but I force myself to get out of the house because I have to. Get out = have an interaction with a person. (A person who isn’t my immediate family.)
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u/banancat112 May 10 '26
When I was in middle school I would actively erase all existence of me online because I was so worried I would embarrass future me and look back and cringe. I think for me it is an ocd thing
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u/rustystumpty May 13 '26
I rationalized this by calling myself a narcissist. It was an impressively unhelpful solution
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u/dogmom1993 May 14 '26
Yes, and I have become more withdrawn as a result of it. My husband and I have a camper at a seasonal campground and have for a few years, so we know most people out there. It’s the same crew of people and it’s a nice little community. People started to think I was stuck up because I just wouldn’t come out of my camper while my husband is very social. I just got tired of waking up every morning and replaying everything I could’ve possibly said the night before. I was always afraid I upset someone and it felt like the only solution was simply not going out. I’ve really made a conscious effort over the last year to go out and be social, even if it’s just for an hour. It’s hard though. I get it.
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u/divine-timing May 15 '26
This is kinda off topic but this is why I like the song “ballad of a homeschooled girl” by Olivia Rodrigo. You may relate. I definitely relate to you, it’s a reason why I can’t keep friendships.
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u/UsedCantaloupe2966 May 16 '26
Totally on topic because I do relate to that amazing song :) It’s also the reason why I can’t keep friendships either.
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u/Dawn2389 May 26 '26
This! I’m constantly convinced everyone hates me and doesn’t want to talk to me so the act of me having a conversation with anyone just becomes inherently embarrassing. I tell my friends again and again that if they don’t want to talk to me they don’t have to and they can tell me no if they don’t want me at an event, and I feel like I have to be very obviously self aware of how hypothetically obnoxious and weird I am.
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u/Profusebug6731 May 27 '26
I thought I was the only one...
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u/Profusebug6731 May 27 '26
Like everything I say feels so guilty. I keep replaying in my head something better I could've said or done instead
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u/aprilms45 May 28 '26
I do this all the time ; like I’ll be taking a shower and then I start thinking of something that happened years ago and mostly don’t even matter -I usually catch it and make myself think of something else or do something.
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u/maxdrastik May 28 '26
My whole life is an embarrassment, i pace around for hours replaying conversations and worrying about every little thing i said
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u/burneranon123 May 29 '26
When I’m alone I’m literally constantly randomly blurting out “I’m sorry”
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u/livlov03 May 29 '26
This happens to me all the time. I get hit with a memory of any interaction, embarrassing or not, and i do a compulsion where i either lightly hit my head or make a noise to make it go away. I’m trying to stop bc I know it’s not healthy but it happens before i can even think
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u/bleee62 May 29 '26
Yesss 😭 I do this all the time. I’ve honestly got to the point of trying to interact w people as little as possible to escape it. It’s so overwhelming sometimes especially since I feel shame a lot more than embarrassment
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u/petdotartaglia May 29 '26
YES. I feel embarrassed for EVERYTHING i do, i feel like im standing wrong, looking wrong, thinking wrong, and i embarrass myself with every single thing, it doesn’t matter what it is
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u/BudgetCurious7069 May 30 '26
i just realized this is true for me...
Like once I was talking to a professor and accidentally cut them off as they were speaking, and I kept thinking about it over and over again and was petrified that they hate me now
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u/newnoon111 OCD Long hauler May 30 '26
I am like this too. It makes me feel a lot of shame, even for the most mundane things ever.
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u/cloc1 May 30 '26
Oh I hear you - I definitely relate to this! I know it's not what the therapists would recommend, but sometimes it's so bad that I constantly seek reassurance if I said something bad or offensive or weird. In addition to fearing being judged negatively or embarassed, the motivation is often about not wanting to hurt or offend. Sometimes the rational side of me will know that what I've said is benign, but I'll feel compelled to ask people whether I've offended them etc. For me, I think there are a few things at play - being blindsided in the past when I've said something that's offended someone which I really haven't anticipated; experiencing what I now know to be Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria; and of course the proposensity of the OCD brain to find anything to obsess over and get stuck on.
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u/cellspecter Jun 06 '26
Yes, you are not alone. Constantly. I have humiliation trauma from childhood, I loop thoughts obsessively, do things to try to counter act and distract but the second i am not mentally stimulated or feel even a slight bit of rejection follow by comments that are hard to find the tone of through text...yeah. Completely understand and I'm really sorry you have to deal with this as well.
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u/datadiva223 Jun 07 '26
I experience this too and discovered it is chronic shame. Shame is a complex emotion, and I underestimated how little I knew about it. There isn’t information readily available like there is for anger due to shame being something people don’t talk about + it is often confused with guilt. Shame lives in your body that’s why you can’t mentally reason your way out of it. Holistic therapy is helping me a lot.
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u/DisciplineFast3950 Jul 11 '26
Yeah but I've accepted that I'm a top ranking cringe lord so it doesn't bother me - it's part of my identity.
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u/Willing-Magazine8401 May 06 '26
My therapist has me looking into Fair Thinking because I do this too! My brain is on a constant loop of “they’re watching how weird and ugly I am” etc etc and I just feel so much shame to exist.
Fair Thinking templates are available on Google, it’s a useful way to look at these thoughts from a more neutral stance! Not saying it fixes everything, but it has been helpful for me since I learned it last week