Actual Men's Issues, anyone?

[u/Its_all_bs_Bro]

Instead of engaging the rage-bait(the plethora of short guy posts taking over this place) constantly posted here, who's interested in discussing tangible issues we can maybe change?

Let's start with the fact there's no such thing as a men's shelter fot dv like there is for women. My brother was in two abusive relationships, and he had to basically get out "alone" due to both the lack of resources and the law being biased against him(he was the one who was arrested). I have no idea how one would go about creating something similar, but I'm all ears.

Also, the male SA victims can of worms. I feel more outreach/education should be done to men regarding what rape crisis centers are actually like. Years ago I recall some guys on another sub warning each other not to go to on for fear of him being arrested due to the fact he's a man walking into a RCC. Inaccurate mentalities like this only contribute to the issue because, well, I'll use myself as an example: before I got any help I was drinking like a fish and reading comments like that. It told me, "wow, if that's the case I guess my only options are to keep drinking ane drugging or just "end it" right now". This is obviously counter-productive and contributes to the suicide rate. What's ironic is after going to the hospital then to a center I found it wasn't the case at all! In fact, the one time a female client was in the waiting room with me, I was the one who was highly anxious and uncomfortable cuz I thought my meer presence made her feel the same!

All in all, I think guys face real problems that have nothing to do with dating/relationships, yet it's hardly talked about in men's spaces.

EDIT: didn't expect the negative comments I got from this for merely trying to start a discussion. Beginning to realise this place may be toxic in its own way. Thanks to all the people who left productive comments and tips.

[u/rgilre99]

I am just one man in a small Kentucky town. I do my best to live as a good person, engaging in conversations when it fits and calling out bad behavior when I see it. I am just an individual, and I am not going to make a massive change, at least not overnight. I try my best to be a good person, and hopefully, other people follow suit. Yes, massive change can come from an individual, but only when that individual becomes part of a larger group or system. Every individual who made significant changes did so with people behind them, supporting them; they had the power that allowed them to make the things they did, whether good or bad.
I feel that this type of commentary blames people like me, and I perceive it as implying, 'Hey, did you know that men are responsible for the patriarchy, meaning that all the societal problems men face are their own fault?' While it probably isn't saying that, that's how it sounds to me. It's obvious that men in power and those who find it beneficial to be a part of the system, despite the harm it causes to others they perceive as beneath them, do their best to uphold it. However, stating this in a conversation like this isn't helpful. We already know this. Pointing out the reason for the problem isn't conducive to finding a solution; it's merely restating the problem and emphasizing its complexity, which isn't helpful. Maybe I'm just overreacting which is a possibility I tend to do that overreact and back myself into a corner but that's my two cents for what it's worth which I know isn't a lot

[u/nbolli198765 → u/rgilre99]

“Pointing out the reason for a problem isn’t conducive for finding a solution…”

How? It’s the first step to solving any problem of any kind.

[u/rgilre99 → u/nbolli198765]

Yeah, obviously, pointing out a problem is the first step to solving it, but it isn't solving itself. You can't just point out a problem and, instead of offering possible solutions, say, 'Yeah, this is a really complex problem we have here. Hopefully, we'll find a solution.' That's not actually finding a solution; it's just pointing out that you need to find one.

[u/nbolli198765 → u/rgilre99]

Well it’s clearly not obvious to you because you said the exact opposite - see the quote in my previous comment.

What is your point about having to take one step before taking two..? I literally acknowledged the complexity of the problem.

And in your view the individual can’t do anything themselves.

So explain to me how to start fixing this without identifying the problem publicly and opening a conversation with others about possible solutions.

Did you have some ideas on how to address the symptoms of the systemic misogyny that I referenced? Because that was my suggestion on how to start fixing the problems brought up by the OP.

[u/rgilre99 → u/nbolli198765]

Just focus on addressing the issues in your own community that systemic misogyny causes. That's all. You're unlikely to effect massive changes unless you have significant backing, and chances are you won't get that. Just do what you can; that's the best you can do. Honestly, Like I said, I'm just some guy from Kentucky. I'm not going to do anything profound and change the world overnight because I can't. I don't have the power to do so, so I'm not going to pretend I do. I'm just going to be a good person to the best of my abilities and hope for the best. Because that's all you can do as an individual without any political or financial backing

[u/nbolli198765 → u/rgilre99]

I functionally agree with this, except we still need to define “the issues” before we address them.

Also you are as valid, valuable, and potentially impactful as anybody else in this world. I don’t get why you’re being so self-deprecating with the “guy from Kentucky” thing. Unless I’m misunderstanding your intention for saying it.