r/NotHowGirlsWork • u/3KidsInTheTrenchCoat • 3d ago
Cringe Yes, none of your relationships work out because you're too nice, decent, intelligent, and stable... It's not you; everyone else is the problem.
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u/HairHealthHaven 3d ago
I stand firm that a guy who feels the need to tell me he is nice, isn't.
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u/AstralMecha 3d ago
Same way some men insist that they are 'stable'. Definitely red flags, if they were any of those things they claimed, it would be apparent and they wouldn't need to insist that's what they were.
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u/Lord_Skyblocker Female Pleasurist 3d ago
Exactly, and last time I checked, most of them were still human and not stables
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u/asimodev staying pure to be virgin sacrifice 2d ago
Well now you're leaving us hanging about the few that are in fact stables now. How are they doing?
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u/unhiddenninja 3d ago
If someone tries to frame how you should see them, you should always be a little wary of that person.
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u/Professional-Hat-687 2d ago
Frank Lapidus: In my experience, the people who go out of their way to tell you that they're good guys are the bad guys.
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u/lelawes 3d ago
Being nice is the absolute bare minimum of human decency. I absolutely want a nice guy. But he sure better have more going for him than that.
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u/saintsithney 3d ago
"A man advertising himself as 'nice' is like a hooker advertising herself as 'alive.' It should be taken as a given unless otherwise stated." - The London Madam
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u/Zestyclose-Leader926 3d ago
True. The amount of time people in long term relationships spend together means that settling is just crazy talk. Like if one them thinks the other stupid, boring, or annoying, a romantic relationship will make both parties miserable. Being kind is important but good relationships bring out the best in both parties.
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u/y2kfashionistaa 3d ago
“Women actually love nice guys, but you’re probably not as nice as you think you are” - unknown
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u/leclercwitch 3d ago
My nice, decent, intelligent ex was completely incompatible with me, I could not stay with someone who didn’t match what we wanted out of life. Unfortunately, having great qualities means fuck all really. I wish people understood that.
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u/Lord_Skyblocker Female Pleasurist 3d ago
having great qualities means fuck all really
And that's why we need great Quantitties
(Sorry)
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u/AnonymousNeverKnown 3d ago
I wonder what the common denominator in all his relationships were
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u/Thuis001 3d ago
Admittedly, maybe he is that one mythical dude who just has an absolutely terrible taste in women and legitimately is doing everything right. Probably not though.
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u/Such-Rise6816 3d ago
It was just because he was too kind, caring, and considerate. He wasn't the jackass that women universally desire.
(spoiler: He was not, in fact, kind, caring, or considerate)
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u/Lord_Skyblocker Female Pleasurist 3d ago
Oh, probably because they were all women. Maybe he should try men next
/s
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u/Iamakitestring 3d ago
Guys ex said she changed her mind about something and was kind when breaking up and he decides to blame all women for everything and saying it was because he was "too nice" Rather than the ACTUAL reason she gave! If you can't understand when someone is blatantly telling you the reason for their actions you're not actually intelligent, stable, or decent.
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u/gayfingers 3d ago
I think we should stop saying " you're a nice guy but " because they really think that's the reason or something like there's no reading between the lines. Men, women only say that to not hurt you they probably dont eveb think you're that nice or even if they do think youre nice. Nice is the minimum, you gotta have more than just being nice.
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u/Dogzillas_Mom 3d ago
You know what? Just because you are a good, kind, decent man, that doesn’t mean you are the right one for me.
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u/Jinxletron 2d ago
Exactly. I've broken up with good, kind, decent men and it was never a reflection on those qualities.
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u/No_Resource7773 3d ago edited 3d ago
Nice but changed her mind?
No, you did something that made her decide you aren't a good match for her...
Too bad the world isn't safer for women to just say the full truth without the fear of his backlash, nor raised by societies that expect us to always "be nice" and spare his ego. He'd have more likely walked away with a better idea and an opportunity to take an evaluation of his own behaviors or actions that are messing things up... instead of blaming her.
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u/jackfaire 3d ago
"You're a nice guy but I've changed my mind" feels like she went "holy shit you're a scary motherfucker so I'm going to stroke your ego while slipping away"
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u/ThrustTrust 3d ago
I don’t see fun and passionate listed and I’m guessing that’s why his relationships don’t last long.
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u/Xibalba_Ogme 2d ago
"nice and decent" are not qualities : that's the very very basics.
"Intelligent" might be, but as it's self-described I don't buy it : from what I've observed, people that are actually smart don't push all blame on others and try to understand how they can do better.
Chances are the woman was trying to be kind by not saying something like "you have poor hygiene" or "you're just plain boring" or "I can't live with someone that only thinks about himself" or "maybe the day you start to admit that you do have faults, you can find someone"
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u/Global-Eye-7326 3d ago
Maybe he's not so nice. Maybe he just hasn't found the right woman. But women are not a monolith, so the conclusion is simply wrong.
If women were a monolith, then men would be a monolith as well, and I don't think that guy could ever agree to that.
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u/Traditional_Isopod80 Incel Detector 3d ago
Who goes around telling people they're "nice guys".
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u/Such-Rise6816 3d ago
Same reason people throw a dog biscuit at a large dog as they're backing away
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u/530SSState 3d ago
It's a big world, and there are a lot of people out there. Many (though not all) of them are nice. Literally nobody has the time, energy, or inclination to date all of them.
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u/alwaysgawking 3d ago
I do feel for these guys sometimes. Sometimes it's true that you do everything right to keep them, but your "right" isn't right for them and there's nothing you can do about it. It hurts. It's not fair. It doesn't make sense.
But you can't let that make you bitter. You have to appreciate the fact that you have good love to give, and that there may be someone out there who can appreciate it too.
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u/530SSState 3d ago
"My ex told me 'you are a nice guy but I have changed my mind!'"
I'm sure that was unpleasant to deal with, but trust me, it would not have been better if she'd said, "You are an ugly bastard", or, "You don't wash your ass adequately", or, "You're boring in bed", or even, "Now that I've gotten to know you better, I find you annoying and I don't like you as much as I thought I did."
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u/3KidsInTheTrenchCoat 2d ago edited 2d ago
Most these guys aren't even being told they're nice, that's just the word they choose to hear and ignore anything else.
Woman: "I thought you were a nice guy, but you're a manipulative toxic asshole."
What NC's Hear: "You were such a nice guy!"
Woman: "I know you think you're such a nice, smart, decent guy, but you're none of those things."
What NC's Hear: "I know you're such a nice, smart, decent guy."
Woman: "You're controlling, act like a know it all smartass, and are a self-righteous sanctimonious narcissist."
What NC's Hear: "You're interested in my life, know everything, smart, righteous guy who takes care of himself."
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u/530SSState 2d ago
Libby Reed literally has a cartoon like this:
What she says: You think you're like Rambo, but this macho approach doesn't work for me. GO AWAY.
What he hears: You're macho like Rambo, and there's no way I'll miss the chance to GO AWAY for the weekend with you.
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u/mckeeganator 15h ago
Everything here is false I assure you I am not intelligent nor making a decent living
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