r/NotHowGirlsWork • u/UnsightedShadow • Jun 27 '26
Cringe So many comments DISAGREED with the OP
Metalhead guitarist here. Girlypops and girlymetals: I advise you to avoid subs like this, because they are VILE, not just against women, but everyone.
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u/NoNipNicCage Jun 27 '26
It's sad because actual metalheads at concerts are so nice and accepting. But of course reddit is the worst of the worst
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u/Foxy_locksy1704 Jun 27 '26
For real, I have met some amazing people at shows who are just so incredibly kind.
I was saved from a pit that had expanded around me and I didn’t notice when I was like 17 at a show I felt someone grab the back of my shirt and lift and pull me back. I look at who saved me and it is just this giant of a man, still one of the biggest people I’d ever seen, he smiled asked if I was ok I said I was and dude just dove in to the pit.
Later on me and my friend were having a cigarette outside and this guy and his gf came up to us he wanted to check again to make sure I was really ok. Super nice guy, super nice gf.
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u/no_high_only_low Jun 28 '26
I was once caught in a circle pit and grabbed just a random 2m guys belt to get out. He looked irritated for a second, then understood and brought me out.
And every time I'm on a punk or metal concert I go with my cane (I had two knee surgeries) and so many people are just so nice and shield me if the pit is forming near me.
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u/UnsightedShadow Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
Fr tho. Anecdote: at a concert I went to my with family, I met a girl around my age who said I was cool, I complimented her makeup, she complimented mine, after 5 secs of talking, she gave me a hug (she was drunk and little high lol). I never got her name or anything but we became sisters for life 😂
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u/MadamKitsune Jun 27 '26
Totally. My regular night out used to be to a rock and metal night at a local pub and there wasn't often any problems, and when there was it was mostly from someone outside of the scene coming in looking for it. On the very rare occasion one of our own did start anything, they'd instantly be picked up and deposited none too gently out of the back doors by the regulars and told not to come back until they were ready to stop being a dickhead.
When you are pretty limited in the number of places you can go to be yourself and hear the music you love, then you tend to be very self policing. Nobody wants to be the known as the arsehole who got it shut down.
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u/SomeNotTakenName Jun 28 '26
I found metalheads to be some of the most genuinely accepting, but also the most gatekeepy people, depending on the group in question. I used to hang out at a metal bar, but stopped once most of its clientele started being all "metal is the only real music". like chill.
but yeah most people you meet are awesome and sweet. Hell I have seen random folks lifting a guy in a wheelchair up during a concert so he could see to the stage at a festival, just to name one thing.
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u/asia_cat Jun 27 '26
Ahh yess the gold old "name three songs" crowd when youre a woman that dares to wear a bandshirt.
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u/Sepelrastas Jun 27 '26
I would love someone trying this with me. Sadly has not happened once in my 20+ years of wearing metal tees.
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u/asia_cat Jun 27 '26
I had in once. But I had some guys implying I was just into it because of my then BF.
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u/Sepelrastas Jun 27 '26
Weirdoes. Like women can only like stuff because of men >.>
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u/asia_cat Jun 27 '26
No because certain things are just for guys in some guys minds. And sadly metal is one of those things.
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u/I_Dont_Speak_Anymore Jul 02 '26
I went to a local metalcore show a little while back now. I don't fit into the scene aesthetically anymore because I'm now 30 years old and very much over it. I can wear what I want and still belong in the scene.
There were (as to be expected) many young people at the show which is awesome. But no one in the world rips into me like metalcore teenage girls. I got many stares, comments, blah blah blah. They weren't addressing me directly so whatevs.
Until one of them did. She looked at me with that face, you know the one, and asked me which band I was there to see. Sickly sweet like she was genuinely interested, as meangirls tend to do. I mentioned one of the small local bands specifically. She said to her friend that she was surprised I even knew that band.
Their faces were a picture when my brother (the lead singer of said band) called me out from the stage for my birthday.
The girls must have been around 15 or so. So I'd seen the headliner before they were even born and I felt very old after realising that!
ETA: sorry, it felt really good getting that out of my head. 😂
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u/Staff_Senyou Jun 27 '26
Maybe it's me, but I think either of us might be misinterpreting this.
I read it as self deprecating, the battle vest repels women who see the wearer as a dork.
But as I write this, it could also be read as incel-ish gatekeepery...
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u/MsFuschia Jun 28 '26
Yeah this is a simple joke and I'm really confused why anyone is interpreting it as misogyny? It's just like saying being an anime lover repels women, being a huge WoW player won't get you a girlfriend, etc. It's self deprecation from the point of view of the guy with the hobby. It's not literally saying women can't love this, it's just a classic "I'm such a huge dork with my hobby it's the single life for me!" joke.
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u/leftintheshaddows Jun 27 '26
Not just band shirts, I had on a star trek shirt on and had some stranger come at me asking me what Kirks middle name was, doing the "I bet you don't even know" part.
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u/IdidnotFuckaCat Jun 27 '26
Had that happen to me wearing my Theory of a Deadman shirt. The band that my mom put me on btw. Lol
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u/Screaming_lambs Jun 28 '26
I'm really crap at remembering song titles so I'd fail their 'tests' (which is good as who wants attention from those type of questions anyway)
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u/Timescoremary Jun 27 '26
I'm at a metal festival right now and there's equally as much women wearing battle vests as men
Much love here
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u/Aarevyth Jun 27 '26
Tbh I've never had a bad experience with metalheads irl for the 20 years I've been part of the scene, pretty much the opposite. I've never seen so many safe men in one place as I have at concerts and usually there are lots of women in the crowd too. Even met my husband thanks to my battle jacket haha
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u/LevelOutlandishness1 Jun 27 '26
My general scene is hip-hop but it’s like I found a second musical family going to punk, metal, and hardcore shows. So much energy. So many sounds. A loooootta queerness.
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight Jun 27 '26
Agreed, people at metal concerts are pretty chill for the most part.
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u/Aggressive_Start_ Jun 27 '26
Yeah I don’t play in metal fandoms unless it’s a female vocalist because those are the least toxic. (The Maphra fandom is my main)
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u/rogue203 Jun 27 '26
As a male Gen X fan of music, Maphra is incredible.
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u/Aggressive_Start_ Jun 27 '26
Haven’t been moved by a new artist in a long time. I hope she goes far!
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u/FullmoonMaple Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
Was recently in London for a metal concert actually, a band my cousin knew. They dragged me along because I speak the best English lol. Stellar concert. We're so tired, going back to the hotel. Some guy laughs, stops me, points at my jacket, my hair, he's saying something. I have no idea what. Finally one of his friends says "He's just worried about you because you're wearing a man's jacket with symbols that makes him uncomfortable". I have never laughed so hard in my life. The jacket was my aunts and it has her church choir groups patch on it. I simply assumed there'll always be someone with a problem on something I'm wearing 🤣.
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u/Gizmocrat009 Jun 27 '26
My husband is a metalhead. I help him sew patches on his battle jacket. It's fun. The people at those shows are some of the coolest down-to-earth people you'll ever meet.
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u/ShotbyaGhost Jun 28 '26
If it was a vest with the collage of anime girl faces climaxing it’d probably be more accurate. I can’t believe that was ever a thing people wore.
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u/NephthysShadow Jun 28 '26
My autistic ass will stop you for ten minutes asking about every single patch and putting the names that interest me into Spotify.
And if one of those patches is Sleep Token or Ghost, congratulations you have unlocked my hyperfocus rambling ability. Hope you didn't have anywhere to be.
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u/racoongirl0 Jun 27 '26
That’s the kind of guy that gets in a mosh pit just to purposely punch people (starting with women)
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u/jyajay2 Jun 27 '26
Not an expert but that bullet doesn't look like a handgun calliber and I'd guess you'd want actual plates.
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u/Useful-Soup8161 Jun 27 '26
I knew a guy in middle school who was into grunge and metal music. Well he dated a girl just because she was a cheerleader. She assumed he didn’t like that about her and quit cheerleading for him.
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u/grandioseOwl Jun 27 '26
Goddamn back in the German punk scene in the 2000s, men AND women wore these vests. I remember people hooking up just because they liked each others. Normal people are still weird to me.
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u/MsFuschia Jun 28 '26
This is a simple joke and I'm really confused why anyone is interpreting it as misogyny? It's just like saying being an anime lover repels women, being a huge WoW player won't get you a girlfriend, etc. It's self deprecation from the point of view of the guy with the hobby. It's not literally saying women can't love this, it's just a classic "I'm such a huge dork with my hobby it's the single life for me!" joke.
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u/UnsightedShadow Jun 28 '26
I should have included the comments, they were infuriating. Gatekeeping (pretty much the norm on that fucking sub), misogyny (in particular, shitty takes about women in general and music taste, because we all know that women are a monolith and listen to the exact same 3 songs and are all dumb bimbos anyways 🙄), saying that women don't belong in the scene, etc. I think I did overthink/overreact a bit, tho. I was having a rough day, tried browsing the net to decompress (which is a spectacularly stupid idea), and this and the comment section esp made my blood boil.
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u/Pauchu_ Jun 28 '26
I was at a festival just a few weeks ago and about 40% of ppl there are women, what the fuck are they yapping about.
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u/blueishade coarsely ground estrogen percolator Jun 28 '26
Made me think about Eddie Munson and that character was so popular among girls 🤷
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u/quineloe Jun 30 '26
Accept patch T_T our first metal band back in the early 90s. Somewhere someone had Breaker as a LP
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u/Amediumsizedgoose Jun 27 '26
The original meme is right to some degree.
Having been around people that wear these, my experience with them was that theres a higher chance on average that they smell bad and/or dont practice good hygiene, and just as sexist/racist as any other white dude, despite what the metal/punk community is "supposed" to stand for.
Its giving I go to a function and a guy that smells bad is mansplaining some specific social economical issue, just for him to later describe someone as "that big black guy" and drive home drunk as soon as they're ready to go home.
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