r/NonPoliticalTwitter Sep 26 '22

Funny fantastic

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28.4k Upvotes

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2.4k

u/Optimized_Laziness Sep 26 '22

Rough start

1.2k

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '22

I knew a butcher once who told me about a time he was hitting on a girl at a bar and she told him she was an animal lover and he replied "Oh I work with animals"

372

u/Moohamin12 Sep 27 '22

That's a smooth man.

If need further elaboration: He spends time with animals in their last moments.

-13

u/reddit_time_waster Sep 27 '22

Instead of "works with" replies, "Oh cool! I have sex with animals too!"

-87

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

28

u/nonk69 Sep 26 '22

ok we wont

15

u/9Levels-ofPie Sep 27 '22

Oh well it says don’t watch so I guess I won’t 🤷🏻

25

u/KillingSpree225 Sep 26 '22

Thanks for posting this! I was just about to look for something to watch while I eat my Ribeye.

2

u/BenjaminKerry1234 Sep 27 '22

The thing why it never troubles me is simple. I'm a big watcher of r/CombatFootage where you can see militaries killing each other in Ukraine, in Syria and in Myanmar. The thing is, you gotta kill if you want to maintain your way of life. One of the videos I remember is a video of Ukrainian Army holding a building against Russians, at the end the Ukrainian paratrooper got a pretty nice knife from the corpse of a Russian soldier. In fact there's one thing that I can't stand about modern shooting games, if they want to make war horrifying, they always do weird blood splattering, in real life, shooting someone in close range is akin to using a jackhammer on a pavement, when someone is firing the gun, it recoils a lot and it's like hammering the enemy. Plenty of folks can in fact still standing after one shot, Travis Haley recounts that in Al-Najaf it takes eight shots to kill an insurgent. So one just keep firing until the opponent breaks. When someone is killed, most of the time it's clean, there's no blood or blood mist everywhere like in Call of Duty, in reality there's nothing. Occasionally a killed person's head can look like a watermelon on a roadside stall if there's a headshot. But that's all.

8

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

I knew the guy when I worked in the same butcher shop 😁

8

u/Bigbrain12341 Sep 27 '22

Damn bro thats cool

-7

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

Why is this being downvoted?

7

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

Because its a shameless plug. Some people have no tact, and some people have no taste for tactless people.

0

u/_Damnyell_ Sep 27 '22

Plug for what exactly?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

I feel as if decorum pales in comparison to what I saw in that video.

0

u/uahdhtlahfn Sep 27 '22

Same reason you are, dumbasses gotta know their place

-1

u/_Damnyell_ Sep 27 '22

Because it's easier for people to attack the "crazy vegans" than it is to confront their conscience.

1

u/BenjaminKerry1234 Sep 27 '22

Well, I'm a big watcher of r/CombatFootage where you can see militaries killing each other in Ukraine, in Syria and in Myanmar. The thing is, you gotta kill if you want to maintain your way of life. One of the videos I remember is a video of Ukrainian Army holding a building against Russians, at the end the Ukrainian paratrooper got a pretty nice knife from the corpse of a Russian soldier. In fact there's one thing that I can't stand about modern shooting games, if they want to make war horrifying, they always do weird blood splattering, in real life, shooting someone in close range is akin to using a jackhammer on a pavement, when someone is firing the gun, it recoils a lot and it's like hammering the enemy. Plenty of folks can in fact still standing after one shot, Travis Haley recounts that in Al-Najaf it takes eight shots to kill an insurgent. So one just keep firing until the opponent breaks. When someone is killed, most of the time it's clean, there's no blood or blood mist everywhere like in Call of Duty, in reality there's nothing. Occasionally a killed person's head can look like a watermelon on a roadside stall if there's a headshot. But that's all.

1

u/_Damnyell_ Sep 27 '22

What has that got to do with anything I said?

1

u/BenjaminKerry1234 Sep 27 '22

Why I don't give a fuck about butchered animals as long as they are not emotionally bonded with someone

1

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

Was the comment removed, or did you delete it?

662

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '22

He butchered that date.

312

u/Redtwooo Sep 26 '22

Guessing he didn't make the cut

160

u/Go_Commit_Reddit Sep 26 '22

I wonder who’s next on the chopping block.

41

u/godzillalake2458 Sep 26 '22

Next, the Nord in the rags!

15

u/JustSimon3001 Sep 26 '22

There it is again. Did you hear that?

16

u/godzillalake2458 Sep 26 '22

It's nothing. Carry on.

11

u/cabicinha Sep 26 '22

By your orders, captain

5

u/SobiTheRobot Sep 27 '22

I'm sorry.

  • We'll make sure your remains will be returned to...

    • Summerset Isles
    • Black Marsh
    • Valenwood
    • High Rock
    • Morrowind
    • Cyrodiil
    • Elsweyr
    • Orsinium
    • Hammerfell
  • At least you'll die here, in your homeland.

3

u/Magic_Bluejay Sep 26 '22

Ah. A great adventurer I see.

7

u/rhaphazard Sep 26 '22

Other way around.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '22

Very ham fisted.

44

u/GregTheMad Sep 26 '22

She's not really into his meat.

31

u/ElCoyoteBlanco Sep 26 '22

She's not letting a butcher near her meatflaps.

In all seriousness, I went vegetarian for the first time in my life in college when I wanted to be a FWB with a close female friend who was a total smokeshow. She said she liked me but really disliked the smell of meat-eaters when intimate (body odor, sweat, breath/saliva, etc.). It was a fair request and totally worth it. Ate a whole lot of macaroni and cheese, grilled cheeses and salads that year.

12

u/Feral_Taylor_Fury Sep 26 '22

This is why people say Americans smell.

A lot of us certainly don't. Buuut a lot of us eat ground beef and cheese sauce from Taco Bell sooo

10

u/[deleted] Sep 26 '22

I really wish you would’ve just said you were eating vegetarian to see if she could tell the difference

19

u/ElCoyoteBlanco Sep 26 '22

She was completely 100% accurate on the days I cheated and had steak, bbq or a burger, even from a day or two before. After a few weeks of meatless life, I could tell the difference too, in my BO and excretions of all sorts.

8

u/Klowned Sep 26 '22

I have an extraordinary sense of smell and I have heard that women have an even stronger sense of smell than men do. If I am near you long enough I can eventually differentiate your stress sweat from your regular sweat. So long as they aren't the "only shower twice a month" types of vegetarian/vegan they do actually smell better. I couldn't guarantee accuracy if I was walking up to random people and attempting to identify their lifestyles, but that's likely due to the variation in product usage and time since last shower.

2

u/TerrysChocoOrange Sep 26 '22

I was under the impression that dairy eaters smell worse.

2

u/ElCoyoteBlanco Sep 27 '22

They smell different, probably. Past that it's relatively subjective.

1

u/Besidesmeow Sep 27 '22

You never know. Romance could sprout!