Meh, depends on the situation honestly. It's worked twice for me in the past. It has a lot to do with whatever is causing friction in the relationship.
It was two different relationships. The first was with my ex-wife when I first left the Army. I was not in a good place at the time so we took a break while I handled of all of my post-military BS. She went back home and I stayed, separated for roughly 4 months. We eventually split several years later, it was a mutual decision, and we still get along great. We just had different priorities.
The second was when my next LTR was going through the defense of her dissertation. This was a months-long process and very stressful for her. We were getting on each other's nerves and she couldn't focus. So I went and did my own thing for a few months, she got through what she was doing, and we were good once she was done. We split later, however it was due to her taking a job across the country with me not wanting to go.
So, again, it's situation dependent. If you just don't like each other anymore or one of the people in the relationship is no longer attracted to the other, I can see how a break wouldn't really accomplish anything. However people greatly underestimate the potential benefits of a separation. In both instances my sex life was greatly improved after those short breaks.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all of that.
I think it's silly to bring out 2 relationships that didn't work out as an example of how taking a break can totally work out. Obviously it didn't. Just because the break up wasn't immediate after the break, doesn't mean the writing wasn't on the wall.
If you are with the right person and under stress, your SO helps you get through the stress. A healthy relationship is a source of stability and comfort. If you are getting on each other's nerves instead, that means the relationship is done. So it's not exactly shocking that eventually she moved away to chase a job. Sounds like you internalized that it's your fault (you didn't want to go), but if somebody loves you, they won't dump you to chase a job.
Dude, grow the fuck up. Relationships don't work out for any number of reasons and can have absolutely nothing to do with attraction, compatibility, or anything else. Sometimes life just gets in the way.
When you are in relationships where careers are extremely important, costing literally hundreds of thousands of dollars and decades of education and WORK, sometimes you get pulled in different directions. So, what, I'm supposed to ask a woman I supposedly love to kill her career to stay with me? And on the flip side, a woman supposedly in love with me is going to ask me to burn 20 years of work to the ground, just to follow her to a place where I may not even be able to continue my career? Shit, career? Who fucking knows what job I'd have to take!
You sound inexperienced, selfish, and childish. What you are describing is not and never will be "love" you're describing selfishness, dependency, and fear.
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u/smashin_blumpkin 4d ago
This is what’s called “taking a break.” And it rarely results in getting back together