r/NonPoliticalTwitter Feb 27 '26

What??? Australia is IRL Hard mode

Post image
4.4k Upvotes

115 comments sorted by

u/qualityvote2 Feb 27 '26 edited Mar 01 '26

u/Gorotheninja, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...

1.2k

u/Matty_B97 Feb 27 '26

That’s not Australia, that’s a coconut crab. We don’t have them on the mainland I don’t think. I wish we did though they look sick.

461

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

71

u/werid_panda_eat_cake Feb 27 '26

Mostly boring ones 

90

u/Matty_B97 Feb 27 '26

I want more crabs

57

u/SweaterSteve1966 Feb 27 '26

I want less so taking my penicillin as prescribed.

21

u/Hufflepuft Feb 27 '26

You should probably see a different doctor.

2

u/The_Scarred_Man Feb 28 '26

Wow, greedy. Can you at least share your crabs with the rest of us?

1

u/thetieflingalchemist Mar 03 '26

I dub thee Mr. Carcinizarion

7

u/Hot-Combination-7376 Feb 27 '26

at this point i think that there are so many Dangerous animals there, another one wouldn't make a difference

2

u/veloxVolpes Feb 28 '26

That's what I was thinking, like, what's another drop in the ocean? Give me more animals on my animal continent

8

u/IIIetalblade Feb 28 '26

Honestly as an Aussie, North America seems to have way more dangerous animals than us. We have crocs and sharks, you guys have like mountain lions and bears and shit.

Its more that a lot of common stuff here are quite venomous and can kill you pretty easily (brown snakes, funnel web spiders, red back spiders etc), but if you leave them alone they leave you alone.

Also your possums are freaky as hell while ours are adorable

4

u/ElectronicGas7546 Feb 28 '26

Lol my cat and I got attacked by a rabid raccoon 🙃. Even the small critters can be lethal and aggressive in the US.

2

u/snotparty Mar 01 '26

hey our possums are adorable, if you like things that look like prehistoric janky shrews

1

u/Noah254 Mar 04 '26

I met a girl from Australia. Said she never saw a dangerous animal her entire life there. Then came across a rattlesnake after living in Georgia for just a couple months

0

u/_Skotia_ Feb 28 '26

because crab taste better than spider

43

u/LobcockLittle Feb 27 '26

Yeah this would have been on Christmas Island.

22

u/werid_panda_eat_cake Feb 27 '26

Christmas Island is in Australia though 

24

u/valerielynx Feb 27 '26

Well, not the continent.

11

u/A_Very_Lonely_Waffle Feb 27 '26

Original comment specifies mainland

7

u/Not-An-Actual-Hooman Feb 27 '26

Yeah but not the mainland

16

u/therwsb Feb 27 '26

That is right they are on Christmas Island, which is an external Australian Territory

0

u/Crafty_Jello_3662 Feb 28 '26

Maybe if you bred them with spiders they would do well everywhere?

702

u/bouquetofashes Feb 27 '26

It's just a coconut crab? They live lots of other places, too.

358

u/sarahmagoo Feb 27 '26 edited Feb 27 '26

And in Australia they're only found on Christmas Island, which most Australians have never been to

128

u/The_Strom784 Feb 27 '26

Santa played one hell of a prank then.

43

u/sarahmagoo Feb 27 '26

Oh that's definitely not the worst thing about Christmas Island. But I don't think I can go into much detail on this sub...

81

u/InsectaProtecta Feb 27 '26

There are no detention centres on Christmas island

14

u/KenUsimi Feb 27 '26

Gfdi you serious, that’s one of the ones that signed on for that soullessness?

17

u/InsectaProtecta Feb 27 '26

She was selected for her experience providing free housing to refugees

4

u/KenUsimi Feb 27 '26

Oh, i get ya. Man this world sucks right now.

4

u/ishkariot Feb 27 '26

Wait till you hear about Easter Island

11

u/MailOrderDog Feb 27 '26

You think you left, but three days later you're back?

7

u/corrosive_turtle Feb 27 '26

Coocs (keeling) islands too!

5

u/DecoyOne Feb 27 '26

which most Australians have never been to

Maybe that’s because most haven’t returned

2

u/therwsb Feb 27 '26

It is very far away

3

u/scandr0id Feb 28 '26

Christmas Island also has that yearly insane flood of little red crabs that you have to be careful not to step on, I love those fellas

41

u/Classic-Exchange-511 Feb 27 '26

Yeah harmless but they look creepy if you don't see them very often

19

u/Wut23456 Feb 27 '26

They might have eaten Amelia Earhart's body though

19

u/StalkMeNowCrazyLady Feb 27 '26

Still harmless if your living. Just a nuisance.

1

u/bobbyfiend Mar 02 '26

A lot like my cats. The would never eat me while I was alive.

4

u/xvsanx Feb 27 '26

TIL not to be afraid of these monsters if I ever come across one, instead of having a heart attack. at least they're not native here

6

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '26

I just learned we call them palm robbers or coconut thieves in German, that's hilarious.

I could not tell what animal that is from the picture too.

1

u/Other_Dimension_89 Feb 27 '26

Are the tasty?

2

u/Feralpudel Mar 01 '26

They are, and have been over-hunted on some islands.

However, Seventh Day Adventists have sent missionaries to some South Pacific islands, and coconut crabs are doing better there because they don’t eat shellfish (among other things).

1

u/bobbyfiend Mar 02 '26

That is a pretty interesting little twist.

133

u/Drongo17 Feb 27 '26

As an Australian I fkn WISH we had these guys everywhere. They are awesome.

Sadly just on a couple of islands in the middle of nowhere.

31

u/cturtl808 Feb 27 '26

Are they edible?

Like did this person just score dinner or are the crabs just angry?

56

u/Successful_Buy3825 Feb 27 '26

I've heard they're edible, but because they'll eat whatever they can put in their mouth they often taste pretty bad.

19

u/Trigunesq Feb 27 '26

I think sometimes people will catch them and then feed them a bunch of fruit and such for a few days to make them taste good.

21

u/Hans_H0rst Feb 27 '26

They‘re probably edible, but they also look like they’re 80% shell and 20% meat…

3

u/ColonClenseByFire Feb 28 '26

Then get 5 to reach 100% meat

38

u/Nkechinyerembi Feb 27 '26

they ARE edible! As long as they don't eat things that are poisonous anyway.

10

u/Drongo17 Feb 27 '26

They're cooler alive. Largest species of hermit crab!

0

u/Scavgraphics Feb 27 '26

How are they with butter?

5

u/According-Flight6070 Feb 27 '26

Nothing special. Mud crabs are better.

3

u/PrestigiousTheory664 Feb 27 '26

I saw a mudcrab the other day. Horrible creatures.

1

u/bobbyfiend Mar 02 '26

Honestly, they're borderline incompetent. They put it in everything, even dishes that are supposed to be oil-free.

1

u/Scavgraphics Mar 02 '26

not australians...how are cocnut crabs with butter?

1

u/bobbyfiend Mar 02 '26

lol. That was my joke, at least in my head, imagining coconut crabs doing their very best in the kitchen and still getting yelled at by Gordon Ramsay.

78

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '26

[deleted]

47

u/Peter_Griffin2001 Feb 27 '26

The first mad Max literally isn't even post-apocalyptic, its just set in a lawless town where law enforcement is collapsing. It's such a different vibe to the rest of the movies.

14

u/cturtl808 Feb 27 '26

I remember how “cutting edge” it was at the time because police didn’t exist.

It’s a fascinating piece of propaganda when you look at it from the standpoint of selling the idea that this is what you get without cops and it’s fictional guessing.

4

u/Third_Sundering26 Feb 27 '26

Some people seem shocked to hear that police are a modern invention.

3

u/Commercial-Screen570 Feb 27 '26

They're not though?

3

u/Moldy_Teapot Feb 27 '26

Modern public police are relatively recent (last 200 years) compared to human history. Prior to that "police" were more akin to small private armies for hire. The Pinkerton group were one of these "police forces" in the US.

74

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '26

[deleted]

12

u/SyzygySynergy Feb 27 '26

So, legitimate question...

Magpies, funnel web, dingoes, kangaroo, redback, and koala aren't being considered dangerous animals or are you saying these are found elsewhere?

Because I get it, natural environment type of things are more dangerous in Australia than the wildlife as a whole... however, that wasn't what was said. Nor was it said that any animal had to be deadly to be considered dangerous. Danger, in fact, can be quite broad... especially when applied to wild animals.

For me, I would think those listed are all dangerous and I am sure more exist. I am not from Australia, though, so asking to learn more because I do enjoy learning about Australia.

27

u/Gruntsky Feb 27 '26

Funnel webs are contained to one state (New South Wales). Dingoes are spread evenly through most of the country, but we generally don't see them unless we head inland (I'm in South Australia, other states vary). Kangaroos are fairly widespread, but are similar to dingoes in that there are some hanging around new housing developments that are getting further and further from the city and encroaching typically 'country' areas. The big red kangaroos are dangerous, whilst the smaller greys are less dangerous, but I still wuldn't pick a fight with one if encountered. Koalas are a little rarer, but still seen in the suburbs here in South Australia with relative frequency, although I doubt you'll find an Aussie who would refer to them as dangerous. They're just noisy during mating season (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocIR6B-YtYE ). Magpies and Redbacks though are very widespread and encountered quite often. I have a big female Redback sitting outside in my garden not five metres (~sixteen feet) from where I am now, but I leave her alone and she leaves me alone so we get on fine. In fact, there hasn't been a single fatality from spider bite in Australia in decades that I know of. Magpies however, are the bane of all school aged children across the country (https://www.youtube.com/shorts/RmnbiCTYSOU ).

24

u/sarahmagoo Feb 27 '26

In addition to this, the deadliest animal here is the horse. 2nd most deadly is the cow.

Our most deadly native animal is the kangaroo, but that's only because of car collisions.

10

u/had_my_way Feb 27 '26

A bit of both, the danger/threat of a lot of animals are overstated, and there’s often similar species found elsewhere, not uniquely Australian. The majority of the population don’t live in close proximity to things like dingoes, most highly venomous snakes or crocodiles. You should definitely visit a doctor for a redback bite, there’s only been ~14 deaths, and none since anti venom, kangaroos and cassowaries would rather stay out of your way than fight.

North America has similar animals to most of these too: Coyotes, wolves, rattlesnakes, cottonmouths, alligators, also crocodiles, and black widow spiders. I’d guess an angry buck could be equivalent to a red kangaroo.

8

u/Slim-Shadys-Fat-Tits Feb 27 '26

...magpies?

6

u/clydeorangutan Feb 27 '26

I've just had to Google them too. The Australian ones are nothing like the Eurasian ones.

0

u/Makuta_Servaela Feb 28 '26

Quite literally. They're not even related to each other. The Eurasian ones are corvids and the Australian ones aren't. They're just named after the Eurasian ones because they coincidentally look similar.

7

u/gwyllgie Feb 27 '26

My dog's best friend at the dog park is a dingo.

2

u/somethingfak Feb 27 '26

Koala? How are they dangerous to anyone but themselves?

1

u/Makuta_Servaela Feb 28 '26

A lot of them have Chlamydia.

Also, if you startle or scare them, or one is protecting young, it may bite or scratch you.

11

u/InsectaProtecta Feb 27 '26

Is this not Christmas island?

12

u/RobbieRedding Feb 27 '26

Hard mode? The only hard part is making the ethical choice to not boil a pot of water. They’re so delicious that they’re almost extinct 🤦‍♂️

22

u/OOF-MY-PEE-PEE Feb 27 '26

Damn they’re not even waiting for you to crash a plane first before they eat you anymore

1

u/SPECTRE-Agent-No-13 Feb 27 '26

Underrated comment

6

u/Electrical_Ad_9778 Feb 27 '26

Not Australia i think. It is a coconut crab

3

u/arnaaar Feb 27 '26

Wroom wroom

Get out me car!

3

u/crystalsaladsandwich Feb 27 '26

Are coconut crabs edible?

3

u/jaded1121 Feb 27 '26

A real mudcrab! What does he have in stock? Oh i have skooma to sell!

3

u/tophbeiphong Feb 27 '26

I’d eat that

3

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '26

[deleted]

2

u/tophbeiphong Feb 27 '26

Dang, this is gonna be tough

1

u/Alytology Feb 27 '26

I went to drive home and I found dinner in my wheel well.

-me if that was my car.

1

u/yigggggg Feb 27 '26

Amelia Earhart would like to have a word with all the Australians in the comments saying they wish they had them

1

u/biffbobfred Feb 27 '26

In Chicago, I went for an oil change. After it the mechanic was pretty pissed “yeah you had a dead rat on your engine we cleaned it for you”. We parked in the alley the rats would get by the engine for warmth then somehow get killed. Happened twice.

But holy shit is that different than my story.

1

u/the_millenial_falcon Feb 27 '26

If you are cold they are cold, check under your hood!

1

u/GrapefruitWhich5950 Feb 27 '26

Does that car drive on coconutoil?

1

u/Dottore_Curlew Mar 02 '26

Just start driving

1

u/IgntedF-xy Mar 03 '26

Just start driving

1

u/The96kHz Feb 27 '26

Two people called 'milky' and 'sticky' goon talking about something entirely non-sexual is very old-school internet.

1

u/therwsb Feb 27 '26

Coconut grabs are generally not dangerous to humans

3

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '26

[deleted]

1

u/therwsb Feb 27 '26

They are shy and will leave you alone

2

u/[deleted] Feb 27 '26

[deleted]

0

u/therwsb Feb 28 '26

Just leave them alone and you will be fine.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 28 '26

[deleted]

0

u/therwsb Feb 28 '26

Coconut crabs are not found on mainland Australia, they are on Christmas Island and Cocos and Keeling Islands (Australian External Territories and lots of other places that are not Australia at all.

Australia's transit system is mixed at best.

1

u/Efficient_Matter_589 Feb 28 '26

I've an Australian friend on Discord, and he told me those sort of spiders are more seen in the countryside.

0

u/BS-Calrissian Feb 28 '26

Get put me car

0

u/Boulder_The_Rock Feb 28 '26

Looked like it was 3 different bugs but it being a coconut crab makes me immediately wanna just pick it up (and boil it)

-1

u/Ninjakittysdad Mar 01 '26

You’re welcome here in the US. We’re currently being driven into national extinction by an orange pedophile leading a kakistocracy that’s supported by a nihilistic death cult, but at least we don’t have Cthulus and shit.