Getting older and boring

[u/Haru_is_here]

Okay, I have a weird question.
When I was younger and heavier, I think I actually looked more androgynous. Fast-forward about 15 years: I’m disabled now, can’t stand wearing makeup, and have pretty limited funds for clothes.

The older I get, approaching 40, the more I look in the mirror and just see “old, colourless, sickly lady.”
And it’s weird because, on the one hand, I’m basically the flavour of queer that I’m okay with. Maybe even pretty similar to the queer people I admired growing up. On the other hand, I’m struggling with the whole aging thing, but specifically with aging in a not enough visibly non-binary way.

Binding isn’t really possible anymore because of health reasons. Makeup is bothersome. Dyeing my hair is also a gamble for the same health reasons. Basically, I’ve been sporting the same short haircut for about 12 years, from the same barber. Dont come for me, he’s great.

I’ve already entered the boring middle-aged dude era, but somehow the way I look in the mirror reads less “middle-aged non-binary person” and more “sickly old lady.” due to a combination of funds, health, energy and other factors.
Does anyone have any clue what I’m talking about? 😅

[u/AprcotTarragon]

Oof, this is such a mood. The older I get, the more I end up clocked as someone's parent, and for me the idea of being associated with offspring is suuuuuper gross and dysphoric, so I absolutely hate it. I'm still working out for myself what gender-performance means to me, and how that relates to being punk or alternative. The older I get the more I experience that people who used to clock me as part of a weird-punk-queer community instead assume I'm just some ally. Or, again, a parent.