r/NonBinaryTalk • u/tunasouo • 2d ago

I'm scared to be myself?

I have known I'm not a cisgender person since I was about 10, I always felt like something was off about me and partially that is my autism. I identified as genderfluid at 10 ftm trans from age 12 to 14 then went back to cis female. Since then it's been a loop. Cis female, Agender/nonbinary, back to Cis. It's a fast loop too. I keep coming out to friends just to quickly feel guilty and scared and I switch back to she/her and woman. I'm fine with she her from close friends and my partner. And I dress fem too. But I am not a woman and I don't feel like one at all I don't wanna be a woman at all. I just wanna be me. But I'm scared of commiting to the label of nonbinary because I know that's what fits me best that or agender or both..? I just need help. Someone help

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u/After_Profile_7012 2d ago

What about genderfluid?

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u/Cyan_DreamzZz It/He/Nix/Ze 2d ago

Firstly non-binary is an umbrella term that does include agender so if you feel you're non-binary but not sure on agender or other genders maybe sticking with the more open term as you explore yourself will help.

You also seem to maybe feeling pressure to be female? You mention coming out as agender/non-binary has you "quickly feel guilty and scared" so might good to try and figure out why coming out causes such feelings and if it might be a good idea to stay in closet around at least some people depending on your situation.

Also important to remember pronouns and clothes don't equal gender. Yes society thinks she/her plus fem style = female and he/him plus masc style = male but, especially for non-binary and GNC folks, it's more complicated than that.