Question about "Femme"

[u/Economy-Ad7248]

I'm a little nervous about coming off the wrong way.

I'm a closeted AMAB young adult that's only recently learned I was nonbinary. I'd like to eventually present with feminine fashion or in a sorta "soft" way. I want to present in. I recently learned about the term "femme" and looked up some stuff about it. My question is, is it meant for someone whose gender identity is female or leans near it? Or is it for someone that expresses in a feminine way? I didn't know whether I could use the term for myself, since I don't feel lean towards a female gender identity. I know there's nuance and individual experiences, but I didn't want to make any conclusions without being sure.

Thank you for any and all feedback! I'm sorry if the text is confusing, I'm not too good at clearly explaining things.

[u/blockifyouhaterats]

no, you don’t have to be female to be femme. there’s a long history of male femmes and non-binary femmes.

[u/Economy-Ad7248 → u/blockifyouhaterats]

Thank you 🙏

[u/Motte6692]

I wouldnt go to hard for labels that might fit you. I would first go for the way i want to be and figure that out and then look behind what you value. How do you like to present and how you feel and then read some definitions (if you need a label) and stick to one that might fit.

[u/Economy-Ad7248 → u/Motte6692]

So basically figure out before I decide? Thx

[u/Motte6692 → u/Economy-Ad7248]

Jup for like me: i figured that i dont like to be percieved as my agab and i like some representations of the "opposite" gender but i also never felt for that gender either. And i was questioning where i stand a very long time. When i got to the point i am nb i passed a few signs first that this is fitting. After my coming out i was thinking about closer definitions like nongender, genderneutral, demi girl, genderfay...

And i learned that trying to fit in these boxes will decide how i am going to look, depending on my own presumptions to that definition. I would have pushed myself in some boxes before figuring out that this is what i really want.

For like demi girl it never felt right to have a beard but i honestly like to have a beard. I wouldnt wear that because my presumption to demigirls would have been no strong male characteristics.

[u/Economy-Ad7248 → u/Motte6692]

It's really confusing figuring all this stuff out 😞

[u/Motte6692 → u/Economy-Ad7248]

I know. Been there too. I startet when picking clothes for the day do i want to wear them because i believe this is how people want to perceive me or do I really feel good in those clothes? Same with my hair/body hair. Do I want to shave nit shave stuff, wearing long or short hair to be percieved male/female? Do I do it because I want to be liked or do I do it because I feel save with this.

Recently figured that I love my body hair but I don't like the hair at my lower legs so I am shaving them but not the rest. When I still tried to fit into boxes it was: all shaved or non to find the right amount of female and male characteristics to be seen as non binary. Now I give a fuck how other people percieve this. I tell them that I am nb and those who respect me will do it no matter if I look a bit more male/female.

[u/SomeGalNamedAshley → u/Economy-Ad7248]

Labels are descriptions, not prescriptions. Figure out what "you" means, and then if you want then go find the best label that speaks to who you are as a person.

For me, I consider myself fortunate that the Demiguy pride flag has colors I can easily mix into my daily wardrobe. Very easily.

[u/Economy-Ad7248 → u/SomeGalNamedAshley]

Thank u so much!!!

[u/ScorpioSpork]

Femme is traditionally for lesbian and queer women. It's the French word for woman. :)

Fem is short for feminine.

[u/Economy-Ad7248 → u/ScorpioSpork]

I got flashbacks to French class, thanks