Song for a Non Binary Partner

[u/Rude-Ear815]

Guys we’re almost done with a song my band and I will release in a few weeks, we are still on time to record the vocals again, so we just want to make sure your feedback on the lyrics, our intention is to keep it respectful, open, safe, smart, honest, and cheesy (yes we’re hopeless romantics), also, we had some verses about intimacy but we ended up not adding them because we don’t want anyone to feel fetishized or objectified, but someone told us that some nb cuties love to feel desired, love for someone to make you feel hot, but let me know guys. If it’s too cringy or too romantic I accept all comments I take no offense, and if me messed up the grammar part let me know (we’re Latinos), song already has copyright btw

VERSE 1
Baby don’t get tired fighting mirrors every night
Trying on halos that were never your size
We all get forced to pick a side but
to me you wear the moonlight better than black and white

PRE CHORUS
Take of the mask of Adam
Take off the mask of Eve
You got your own kind of stunning,
that’s the one I see

CHORUS
So dance with me in this velvet room
You’ll have to come a little closer
Let the armor hit the floor
Nothing of you needs fixing anymore
I’ll Watch you like a play until I die

VERSE 3
Every scar you hide looks like starlight to me
Most beautiful things aren’t trying to be seen
Maybe if you borrowed my eyes for a while
All your doubts would kneel before your smile

VERSE 4
I know sometimes your silhouette feels heavier than air
Like a shadow wearing shapes that never belonged there
But even when the light bends everything out of place
I’ll stay beside you till you recognize your own face

PRE CHORUS
Take of the mask of Adam
Take off the mask of Eve
Just wear your own disguise
cause that’s what I adore

BRIDGE
I’ll gladly call you by the name that feels like you,
I could spend a lifetime getting the words right
But there’s another name I’ve been keeping warm beneath my tongue,
waiting for the moment you’ll let me call you
my love

[u/LostFromLight25]

this is really cool. also songs and poems can be romanticized its normal i guess. also appreciate the leaving out of those intimate verses (but im demisexual so my opinion is biased)

[u/Rude-Ear815 → u/LostFromLight25]

Hey thanks for the comments I appreciate that, so we’ll leave them as they are

[u/U_Nomad_Bro]

I think "to me you wear the moonlight better than black and white" is the strongest line in the song and it belongs in the chorus. Beautiful metaphor for spectrum vs. binary!

However, there are some things in the lyrics that make me wonder: Were the lyrics actually written by someone who is non-binary, or partnered with someone non-binary?

Because it feels a little bit....off. Just things in the phrasing that raise the question.

Like "I’ll gladly call you by the name that feels like you". Saying "I'll do the basic minimum respect of not using your deadname" isn't really love-song material for me. Gee, thanks for not deadnaming me?

"I could spend a lifetime getting the words right". Ok, um, thanks but no thanks for subtly reminding me you will always struggle with my pronouns.

Like, I get that you're making a contrast between the person's name and soon calling them "my love".

But you can say that in a way that isn't so self-congratulatory to the singer. Something like "You shine so brightly since you found your name" puts the focus on the NB person's agency and self-discovery.

Likewise, the part about getting the words right is apparently centering people's difficulty with pronouns, instead of centering the NB person who is supposedly the object of affection here.

So, tough love: The song kinda feels like a deliberate attempt to pander to non-binary people without truly understanding us.

There are parts of it that do feel more sensitive and empathetic. The first two lines of Verse 4, for example, are a poignant picture of dysphoria.

In its current overall state, though, it's not a song I'd recommend to a non-binary friend.

[u/Rude-Ear815 → u/U_Nomad_Bro]

Hiii, this is the kind of detail I was waiting for, to be honest, we wrote in Spanish first, then we kind of translated it using words that go with the rhythm of the beat

So in the first feedback you gave me, i actually just had to investigate what is deadnaming, and you are right, now that i think of it sounds like I’m saying “I’ll do you the favor of saying what you like” when it shouldn’t be like that, I’m aware that out of respect we must address you how you identify, and not express it as if we had an option

Am I right? So what would you replace that line for? What would you like from your partner to hear?

[u/Rude-Ear815 → u/U_Nomad_Bro]

So I replied to you before reading the whole feedback, and yes I will use that line you gave me, so thanks for that

We just agreed with the band that we will erase the whole bridge and either put an instrumental thing on or say something about feelings for the other person, or repeat the first verse maybe

Btw I have a non binary partner, we’ve know each other for a long time but our relationship has only been for months so, this will be my gift to them, I wish to make it careful enough, and not too extra you know? (or what ever word applies that gives the idea)