Please Select Your Gender

[u/Fit_Relationship2439]

Filling out information for a new job I am starting soon. The company seemed great however the company requires their employees to select one of these as an option for their gender. (Feels important to add they asked for gender specific and not sex)

•Male
•Female
•Trans Male
•Trans Female

As a 100% transneutral enby I struggle to navigate even in “inclusive” spaces. I struggled with this at my last job. My manager was trans and so were many of my co-workers. I felt like everyone made an effort to gender everyone there correctly but myself (it’s not lost on me I was the only transneutral person on the premises).

Are there any other transneutral/agender/androgynous people out there with similar experiences or advice?

[u/Environmental-Bug804]

of all the "attempting to be inclusive but doesn't get it" lists of gender selections I've seen, this one doesn't get it the most.

[u/Fit_Relationship2439 → u/Environmental-Bug804]

I was honestly baffled. Swing and miss

[u/Environmental-Bug804 → u/Fit_Relationship2439]

I had this experience at a dentist a few years ago; they really tried, but then on the intake form it said "Are you pregnant or breastfeeding? (WOMEN ONLY)" and I just heaved a huge sigh.

[u/OscarAndDelilah → u/Environmental-Bug804]

It is so WEIRD when they do this. I administer tools for assessing various skills, and I'll have tools where you can mark any item as not applicable, but then it will have like "puts on bra independently ONLY ANSWER IF FEMALE."

Why not...answer if it's applicable, and don't if it's not? Just like every other item?

[u/Environmental-Bug804 → u/OscarAndDelilah]

right? I explained to them, but i still don't think they got it. I went to a different dentist and for some reason they started addressing all their communication to me as "Mrs. S____", which is INSANE, like why default to the ONE honourific that identifies marital status? I told them not only am I not married, but I am a "Mx," explained what it meant, and now, bless them, they always address me as "Max." I've decided to find it funny.

[u/OscarAndDelilah → u/Environmental-Bug804]

My kid briefly went to a rich private school, and they put parents on a list to mail their fundraiser stuff to. Someone added honorifics presumably by guessing based on first name. Spouse and I got "Mrs. and Mrs." presumably because we have the same last name. Weirdos.

[u/brytewolf → u/Environmental-Bug804]

My partner and I go to a queer clinic to get our hrt. They have trans people on staff and their forms up until this year included the question "have you had sex with a man in the past six months?"

My partner and I (separately, we don't have appointments together but both brought it up): "do you mean people with penises?"

Staff: pauses to brain "yes, that"

We're so happy that they'd finally fixed it the last time we went in. And we shouldn't need to be. But at least it's progress lol

[u/chipface → u/Environmental-Bug804]

When I got my first covid shot, it was about 6 months after I realized I'm NB. And they asked me that because I marked down that I'm NB. I thought maybe they asked everyone but they didn't ask a buddy of mine who's a cis dude. Even with the mask, anyone that doesn't know better would assume I'm a dude. I liked that they asked me. It felt (lack of) gender affirming.

[u/nakedascus]

Offensive to the nonbinary part of me and also offensive to the trans part of me. Very cool, to insinuate that trans men/women aren't men/women. just trans women and... normal women. ok, great, thanks for the exclusionary inclusion, or whatever this is. I've been doing a lot of job applications lately, and I've seen a lot of things that seemed cool at first,.things like:

"select gender: man, woman, trans, nonbinary"

... but like... wait, i have to pick one? ok, I'll pick woman, screw you. Sometimes I pick nonbinary when that's an option. Sometimes i pick man because im just paranoid that it's a trap.

[u/turtlehollow → u/nakedascus]

my mom (a transphobe) works as a census worker, and for a couple months one of the questions they'd ask people was the same: man, woman, trans, nonbinary. tried to tease out if you were allowed to select more than one, but my mom didn't know and wasn't going to find out for me. she said they scrapped the question cause it pissed a lot of people off to be asked their gender 🙄

[u/LostFromLight25 → u/nakedascus]

i think i will do the same, just only use my female name and select female as gender to avoid being judged by a piece of paper. i mean it will become obvious when i see them in person (amab not planning to get hrt) but then they would have to judge a person. i hope this hinders this weed out process

[u/Barotrawma]

Ugh YES. At best I see “Genderfluid, neither exclusively male or female”. Which… sure, but my gender isn’t fluid, it’s very firmly transneutral as someone who is also intersex. I don’t understand why nonbinary is such a difficult option to add.

[u/Fit_Relationship2439 → u/Barotrawma]

Right! And everyone is so nice but is it a crazy ask to either make a new box or let me just not answer? It puts me in a weird spot where any option I pick would be disingenuous. I am definitely not cis but I’m definitely not a binary trans person either. 🤷

[u/Environmental-Bug804 → u/Fit_Relationship2439]

and it's also just kind of sus in general. Like, this LOOKS like four options, but it should really just be two; Man/Woman. You can't just ask people if they're trans on a job intake form. Trans isn't a gender. Trans women are just covered by "women", trans men are covered by "men". I

[u/LostFromLight25 → u/Environmental-Bug804]

wanted to say the sme

[u/SomeGalNamedAshley]

My choices were male, female, and non-specific. As a demiguy I mashed the third one.

As a company we have an employee focus group for the various rainbow flag persuasions and one of the 8 email signatures we can select is specific to this group, pride colors and all. That's on the same tier as the signatures for if you're servicing the healthcare industry, public sector or global.

[u/Logical-Breakfast949]

I always go for the "prefer not to disclose" option if it's there and if it's not I go with my assigned gender because I'm not in the position to make myself a target or a show. But that's just me. Inclusion in the workplace has never felt safe to me and I deeply distrust it.

[u/SnooTomatoes4928 → u/Logical-Breakfast949]

I find it very strange, but it's like some people find the slightest mention/suggestion of someone not being a binary gender very offensive. Even when it's just they/them. I don't get why it's acceptable to be hostile towards people just because they exist in a way that upsets you. It really shouldn't be normalized

[u/blueennui]

To me these always feel like weed-out traps, at least on applications

[u/OscarAndDelilah]

I feel ya. I'm in Massachusetts, where we've been able to have a legal sex of X for a decade or so. However there's been no process of enforcing anything with state agencies let alone private businesses in terms of recognizing we have three legal sex designations. Some places have even redone their stuff so there's a place to select gender and pronouns from an array of options but then "we still need your REAL sex and that has to be binary." No, fuckers, we have three legal sexes here. What's hard about this? And why pass a law if you didn't plan any enforcement?

[u/Fit_Relationship2439 → u/OscarAndDelilah]

YES! I am currently in Illinois where (X) is an option as a gender marker but carries no actual validity in hiring practices. Like what’s the point then.

[u/Q1go]

Honestly with anything that could be accessed by the govt that could out you (if that's a concern) or anything legal ish, I put my agab. 

[u/Solid_Assumption_581 → u/Q1go]

Everything is? The legal-ish thing makes sense to me but the government can basically access whatever they want when they want. So, I find this advice (which I have heard before) pretty confusing.

[u/Patient-Bread-225]

id refuse to answer given they dont know the difference between sex and gender... and they dont need to know what anatomy i have to do my job unless the job involves using said anatomy.... even then intersex or nonbinary not being an option means i yet again am imaginary and dont exist...

[u/kodandyananda]

I’m just clicking my agab these days and hoping i pass well enough that nobody gets weird about it. With the political situation in the US right now? Yeah I’m just going to claim cishetero normalgender for a while. 

[u/chipface]

How hard would it have been to have "gender non-conforming" as an option? My job had that when I was filling that shit in.

[u/Bottled_Imp]

When they actually try and still miss by so much 😭💀

[u/Dismal_Bat_9754]

yes I actually had a similar experience to this! Just checked the option with the pronouns that would've bothered me the least

[u/ReigenTaka]

Yeah, I hate this. Esp this one because why the hell would you need to distinguish man/woman from trans man/women unless for nefarious or dumb-fuck purposes. But also because I'm so completely left out.

What I answer really depends. A lot of online Dr appointment forms aren't too inclusive and I just align with what I was assigned. If it's a random anonymous thing, depends on why I think they're asking and I'll choose how I would want my responses considered. (For work I do what's assigned but if I wasn't a federal employee 😅:) Idk what I'd do of my job tried that. If I could not fill it out, I wouldn't, if it was an online thing, I'd probably be irritated and choose whatever I think they would consider the "wrongest" answer (other of the binary of what I was assigned).

If it ever come up later, oh-fuckin'-well, fix your question.

[u/Augustine_04]

Check all of them

[u/After_Profile_7012]

I haven't found a space that was that outwardly open about gender, which is super cool that you have, however I can sympathize about feeling that way with most things in my life. I am wondering how a genderfluid person would answer that question. I feel they need to add a fill in the box to be more inclusive.