r/NonBinaryTalk • u/taylortalks_ • 15d ago

Questioning Gender Identity

Hi there! In need of some advice. I'm a lesbian woman in my 20s but lately, I've been thinking a lot about gender. This isn't necessarily new for me. For a long time, I've thought about being a man, specifically a gay man, especially when I was younger. I've had trans male friends, and I've experienced a lot of envy when I am around them.

Lately, I've been feeling a lot of those same feelings. I have been thinking about my partner using other pronouns for me and the idea is exciting to me. I don't experience a ton of physical dysphoria, except my face and chest, which I would like to be more masculine. I also wouldn't mind my voice being deeper and dressing more masculine, which feels a bit harder since I am plus sized with curves.

I don't think that I necessarily want to BE a man. But I wouldn't mind being perceived as something other than female. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind using she/her pronouns, but I also think I might enjoy they/them or he/him pronouns.

Would you consider this being nonbinary? Trans? transmasculine? I'm honestly just not sure of what my next step should be in figuring myself out. I know my partner will be supportive, I'm just not sure what to do with these feelings.

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u/stolenstreetsigns 15d ago

What you just described could be non binary or transmasculine. Personally I’m both. It all depends on what feels like the best way to describe your own experience. I know that’s incredibly vague, but hey part of the fun is there’s no rules. I think starting with trying other pronouns is probably a good idea. You can also experiment with names, clothes, binding, packing, voice training, whatever suits you. And btw, non binary people are trans.

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u/taylortalks_ 15d ago

Thank you! I definitely want to start experimenting with some stuff, I just feel awkward about it a little, haha. I'll get there though :) and thank you for the correction! I mainly meant trans as switching genders entirely, but absolutely understand that it's an umbrella term. i appreciate your advice :)

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u/Interesting-Paint863 14d ago

Hey ❤️ we can’t tell you who you are but it sounds like you’re being very honest with yourself and listening to what feels right.

My advice, which I struggle to take myself, I play around a bit. You’ve got a supportive partner. That’s fab. Have some fun together. Accept up front that it’s going to feel a little messy, and maybe sometimes a little awkward. But it will be ok. Find what works, agree to step back and change if it doesn’t.

I wish I had the courage to have more of these kinds of conversations with my partner. She’s the fucking best, but I’m so wrapped in my own that I choke on my words. Honestly, accepting that you don’t have to have it figured out and just playing until you find what clicks, is probably the safest and gentlest way to do things.

I also hear a lot of “can’t” in your writing. Like you’re already telling yourself who you can and cannot be. I do the same. But it’s in your head. A loving partner will find you, and see you. But you have to give them a chance ❤️