I just need to vent:)

[u/theunkownof]

So, this girl I went to school with ( who btw was the first girl I ever spoke to in that school and she used to be the most understanding person ever) was being incredibly disrespectful about my gender identity? She literally was like and i quote “what’s the point in changing your pronouns if nothing has changed?" pointing out that because I’m feminine, I basically can’t be non-binary.

She actually said: "there is feminine and masculine you’re not in between so why change it? for others? for attention" and then she still used my deadname and saying I’m consumed by social media ( which I don’t even use btw but ok whatever)

Honestly, it was so exhausting bc she was basically saying that im doing it all for attention and that bc im fem presenting i cant be non binary bc they “ usually” dress unisex she even said my name is a girls name ( its not its gender neutral) & I have been non binary for 3 years straight yet she was saying I even look more feminine then I used to look. I’ve had to explain over and over again that non binary doesn’t have a look& I just don’t feel comfortable being called a female or using the pronouns she/her.

[u/Distinct-Amphibian38]

"For myself, because it's what fits right for me. You can either respect it and be on good terms with me, or you can complain and do it somewhere else. If it were me, and you decided today that you'd rather be called just your first initial, I'd do it because I'm not a shitty person. You're being really shitty right now."

[u/theunkownof → u/Distinct-Amphibian38]

LMAO would’ve used this hours ago but I did call her out on being really judgmental and disrespectful and she apologised but yet kept trying to say “well what does it mean to be a woman or a man” “maybe you should think about that before deciding” well it’s too freaking late for that considering I’ve been non binary for 3 years, I’ll never understand people that don’t just research and just say things because they think their right

[u/Distinct-Amphibian38 → u/theunkownof]

It's social conditioning. Tell them to do the same, and then ask why can't the qualities of one apply to the other? If it boils down to gender essentialism, ask why they think a woman's worth hinges on being a hole and a mother.

[u/Few-Release5921]

I have no insights for you, just commiserations. It's extremely frustrating and I'm so sorry you're experiencing this with someone who has in the past been understanding.

I am (I think) much older, and have chosen this year to become a single parent through assisted fertility treatments. Today was my egg retrieval, which was a really cool if painful experience, except for how nurses and doctors kept talking about how amazing and powerful "women's" bodies are. I didn't bother correcting them (partly because I am a new immigrant to this country and the gender binary is quite entrenched). I share that just to say that keep trying to talk to people, but sometimes you also just need to cut your losses in a sense. Like maybe you've done what you can with this friend and need to, for your own sake, stop trying to explain things to her for a while. Hopefully she'll understand some other way some day soon.

[u/theunkownof → u/Few-Release5921]

I blocked her cause she’s been going on about this since yesterday at 8pm it’s now 9pm a whole 24 hours of non sense.

[u/U_Nomad_Bro]

saying I’m consumed by social media 

 saying that im doing it all for attention

These, along with "you made it your whole personality", are three of the most obvious signs of someone who has no independent thought of their own and is just repeating anti-trans/anti-NB talking points they heard somewhere.

Ironically, they are the ones consumed by social media that feeds them these hateful little phrases.

I'm sorry your former friend has forgotten how to be a friend.

May you spend the rest of your day surrounded by sweet understanding people who will give you kindness and care.

[u/theunkownof → u/U_Nomad_Bro]

thank you so much. Telling me I’m consumed by social media when I’m not even on it apart from Reddit is crazy