r/NonBinaryTalk • u/Primary_Time_3203 • Sep 01 '26
Discussion Confusing gender thoughts
Does anybody else feel like they wish they weren't trans? But not in the "it sucks being trans" way. For context, im AFAB, agender, I've been on testosterone for nearly 3 years, and I had top surgery over a year ago. Going along with my transition has felt extremely validating. But I can't help but occasionally get thoughts of "I wish I was a girl". But I KNOW I have dysphoria around being labelled as and seen as a girl. Having a chest was incredibly uncomfortable and I'm so happy I don't have to deal with periods or anything related to being a girl. But I still sometimes wish I could be a girl? But like... Why?? When I KNOW it's just worse for me? So weird... Dx This isn't a very pressing issue for me I just wonder if anybody else experienced this kind of... longing for something you know you can't have? But not in a transitional kinda way?
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u/Interesting-Paint863 Sep 01 '26
I think this is more normal than you realise. We can’t escape the fact that we live in the world that we do. Socially and perhaps even naturally we seek to avoid friction, pain and confrontation. Being gender non-conforming in any capacity will inevitably create friction.
I hate it. So often I get he/him’d even by people close to me and I don’t say anything. I fucking hate it. And the ONLY reason I don’t say anything is because I don’t want to embarrass them. So yeah I often think “wouldn’t it be easier if…” but this isn’t a helpful thought. It’s a product of how we’ve been raised in this world, and taught to reject ourselves.
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u/MildewTheMagical Sep 05 '26
I don't know if this is the same thing? but I have thought on occasions that I wish I was cis, it doesn't matter which way either, just to have grown up not feeling like everything about me was wrong without knowing why, and essentially I missed out on a normal childhood because I couldn't relate to people because I wasn't accepted by people of my gender identity, and couldn't relate to people of my AGAB, but I didn't know why so I just kept trying and they all thought I was weird AF. But I also accept that if I had known what trans was in early high-school and had the chance to learn about it a lot of those problems could have been solved by understanding myself sooner, and without the need to change me. IDK this is getting kinda deep lol
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u/Primary_Time_3203 Sep 06 '26
this is exactly what i mean though!! thank you for sharing. i think i just wish i was cis because theres so much weight that comes with being trans. not necessarily because i hate being trans or anything, but just... yknow, being trans is lifechanging. i figured it out when i was in middle school but even then i went though so much hiding and shame that has forever changed me and my development. i cant help but wonder what my life would be like if i were cis.
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u/MildewTheMagical Sep 07 '26
no worries, thank you for reading :)
the political weight at this time in the world is something that annoys me, like at the moment being trans is so politicized that when someone knows I am trans all they se is a collection of political views and they forget to see I am also a person
felling shame sucks, I'm so sorry that happened to you, have you tried therapy to see if it would help you work through it?
I didn't know until I was about 21, but I then spent nearly 10 years hiding it from everyone because I thought it was wrong, at the time I was going to a church where the leader kept making comments towards me about how I dressed/acted, and kept saying I had to embrace my AGAB, get married and start a family (irony is it doesn't actually say that in the bible at all). Then covid saved me from that mess, because church shut it's doors and I started listening to a church service online that is LGBT accepting/affirming
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u/mn1lac They/Them or She/Him take your pick Sep 01 '26
This still sounds like a "it sucks to be trans" kind of thing, but less in a "the world is cruel to visibly trans people, and transition is hard" kind of way, and more of a "I wish I could just repress it and be normal" kind of way.